People don’t need to understand

Life is hard. For everyone. We all have stories. We all have backgrounds. We all have been thru things. We all tend to over share our stories sometimes. Especially if you’re like me. When my anxiety is on high during social situations… I tend to just talk and talk and talk. I also tend to talk about the things that I have been thru and explaining things that have happened to me. I have been told recently that I actually need to stop doing that because not everyone respects the person that I am or the things that I have been thru.

I usually get anxious, nervous and fidgety in social interactions around people that I either don’t know or am not comfortable with. Then after I leave the situation… my mind continues to over think and over analyze everything that I either aid or did. Then I feel like shit for the rest of the night….and possibly the next day as well. It is a big issue that I am slowly working on fixing. Things aren’t usually as bad as long as I have my husband right by my side. He is my rock. He is my calm. He grounds me in the storm that is anxiety disorder.

My husband is extremely understanding. He is extremely caring and gentle as well as loving. He is an amazing human being. However, not everyone is as understanding. The minute you explain your weakness there will be people out there that will hold that weakness against you. They will use your story, your emotional issues to ruin your life. To hold it over you. There are some people that like to know your deepest darkest secrets to make sure that you will not or cannot be better than them. They will use anything against you.

Sometimes, people don’t need to understand your journey. Your past, present and what you are working on…. that for you. It is not for them. The one thing that I have learned over the years…. is that you have to be extremely careful who you tell your journey to. Not everyone who smiles at you is your friend. Sometimes those who listen the most have the biggest mouths….the worst intentions to use against you. Your journey is for you. As long as you understand it, then that is what is best.

I thought I had a friend once. Well they were my husband’s friends. But I thought they were my friends too. They smiled so nicely in my face. They said all the right things. They were nice when I was around. They got me good too. I fell for their trap. So I opened up. I talked about my journey. I talked about what I had been thru. I talked about what arguments we had. I exposed the weakness in my husband and I fairly new relationship. So much so….that they used these weakness to break up my relationship with my then boyfriend and kept us apart for half a year until my husband came to the realization of the toxicity that they held deep inside them.

You see that is the thing. Some people are toxic. Some people are only looking for the worst in you so that they can use it against you. They want to use your journey to keep you down. To make sure that you are always beneath them. There is something that is often said on Facebook…. Make your moves in private. That way no one can make their intentions known. We bought a house almost a year ago and we didn’t tell anyone other than immediate family about it before we did it. Heck I didn’t post anything about it til we were in our happy home for a month.

There are somethings people don’t need to understand. Some things they don’t need to know. Your journey is yours. And it is just alright that no one but you understands it.

Advertisements

Toxic People

Okay so yesterday I posted about how my FIL has decided to show who he really is….

Although it is new to me, it is not new to anyone else that knows him. Like His son and ex. So maybe I should have listened almost a decade (ish) ago when my husband said he doesn’t really care to have a relationship with his father.

My bad.

I didn’t have a father. So I thought if my husband has the opportunity to have a relationship with his…he should take it…

it totally backfired in my face.

Joy.

But after the fall out that happened at my youngest daughters birthday party via text messages with my FIL…. he had decided to stop talking to me. I even sent him a simple text about apologies and haven’t heard anything from him. And that was almost a week ago.

Honestly, I don’t care. So he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.

That is just fine. I no longer have to deal with him. or worry about what I should or shouldn’t say in front of him. Or try not to offend him since we do not have the same religion.

It is so much easier when toxic people stop talking to you… it is like the trash taking itself out…. As in I didn’t have to do anything in regards to the disconnection of communication.

But they are still bothering my husband so I do still have to deal with it a little bit 😦

#Lyrics Issues-Julia Michaels

I’m jealous, I’m overzealous
When I’m down, I get real down
When I’m high, I don’t come down
I get angry, baby, believe me
I could love you just like that
And I could leave you just this fast

But you don’t judge me
‘Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too
No, you don’t judge me
‘Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too

‘Cause I got issues
But you got ’em too
So give ’em all to me
And I’ll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
Of all our problems
‘Cause we got the kind of love
It takes to solve ’em

Yeah, I got issues
And one of them is how bad I need you

You do shit on purpose
You get mad and you break things
Feel bad, try to fix things
But you’re perfect
Poorly wired circuit
And got hands like an ocean
Push you out, pull you back in

‘Cause you don’t judge me
‘Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too
No, you don’t judge me
‘Cause you see it from same point of view

‘Cause I got issues
But you got ’em too
So give ’em all to me
And I’ll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
Of all our problems
‘Cause we got the kind of love
It takes to solve ’em

Yeah, I got issues
And one of them is how bad I need you

And one of them is how bad I need you
(I got issues, you got ’em too)

‘Cause I got issues
(I got)
But you got ’em too
So give ’em all to me
(You got ’em too)
And I’ll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
(I got issues)
Of all our problems
‘Cause we got the kind of love
(You got ’em too)
It takes to solve ’em

Yeah, I got issues (I got)
And one of them is how bad I need you (You got ’em too)
Yeah, I got issues (I got issues)
And one of them is how bad I need you (You got ’em too)
Yeah, I got issues (I got)
And one of them is how bad I need you

 

This is such a simple song in terms of complexity. The actual musical part is not to complex the lyrics are straightforward but it holds so much meaning.

Julia Michaels wrote this song in regards to the issues in her relationship. They have since broken up but he congratulated her on the song.

How many of you feel like this could relate to at least one of your relationships?

I know I do.

For instance, my first boyfriend liked to flirt with girls right in front of me. If they ever gave him an inkling that he had a chance, he would dump me. But when the left him flat on his face, he would want me to take him back. I was 14 so of course I did. I was young and dumb. But even today, I still consider him a friend. We grew up together since we were 6.

But Even just the part that says when i’m down  im real down and when im high i won’t come down. That speaks such volumes. Especially in regards to depression or anxiety. Life is a roller coaster and for those who experience mental illness, the ups and downs are to the extreme.

But the song is about both parties having issues. It’s like a toxic relationship.I have seen so many toxic relationships.

What is your take on the song?