I remember being a kid thinking that the days were so long. That we had so much time. That once I got home from school and got my homework done I had HOURS to play. However, as I got older, I realized that time passes faster and it seems like you never have enough time to get everything done. As a parent, it makes it harder to have time where you are able to just be a family. To have time with your kids. There are many things that have to get done. I need to cook, clean, deal with the never ending laundry piles, theres school needs like school lunches taking and picking up the kids and helping with the homework. I gotta do the grocery shopping and pay bills. I’m also taking classes so I have deadline on those. It just seems like every day is full of something that has to be done.
So where is the time that I can just play with the kids. Because playing with the kids is both beneficial for the children and parents alike. Playing with your kids will allow you to have a break from the mental stress of the day. It also helps your children develop some necessary motor skills. How to handle situations and how to play well with others.
As many parents know very well. There is hardly ever a time where you have free time to just play around with the kids. It is honestly not about having the time. It is about making the time. I swear if you make the time to be with your kids, it will be all worth it. Your kids are going to remember the times that you spent with them. They know more than what we give them credit. They know that there are other things you would or could be doing rather than being with them. These moments are going to mean so much to them as they grow. Even when they go throught that angsty teenage years.
That is one thing that gives me great anxiety about my parenting. Am I spending enough loving time with my kids? Or am I stuck in the strict parenting mode too much? Are they going to remember the times that I spent with them? Teaching them? or are they going to remember me giving them rules and regulations?
See, I could just do things. Like cook and clean or something that I know that I could get done faster. However, sometimes…. I just let them help me. I teach them how to do something they are going to need to know later on in life and they get to do it with me under my careful loving watch. Spending time together. Like cooking. My oldest daughter loves to make eggs. She has learned how to crack eggs, whisk eggs, and even cook them completely. My two year old likes to whisk the eggs. When I make the biscuits, I know that I can get it done faster by just doing it myself. But It would mean more to break the dough in half and let the girls help out with that.
Sometimes life is just difficult. Time slips through our fingers and scheduling in a time with the kids often gets pushed aside. However, maybe we need to stop trying to have the time and make the time instead with simple things that we could do together. You can turn cleaning into a game. You could cook together. Anything.
As a parent who suffers from an anxiety disorder, I constantly wonder if I am being the best parent that I can be. If I am going to cause my kids to have traumatic memories. If I am going to be the reason why they won’t reach their potential. Or if I am going to be the reason that they are paying hundreds of dollars a month for therapy. Also, my anxiety causes me to have the most outrageous fears. Like dying. I am terrified to die. Because no one will love them like I do. No one will fight harder for them than I do. Because the traumatic issues that it would cause them. I am constantly afraid something is going to happen and I won’t be around. This is also one of my fears that I haven’t really told anyone about.
So that is one of the reasons why I love being a home mom. I love being able to spend quality time with my kids. I didn’t have that with my oldest at first. And that is why she is so close with her granny. Because while I worked from the time she was 3 weeks old until she was 4… She spent the most time with her granny. Now that I stay at home… I spend as much time with my kids as I can. Even if that just means helping with homework. My husband likes to say that I am the hero of the family (although I never agree with him because I am not bringing in any financial means to our family) because I take care of everything in the family. From him to the girls to our parents and everything in between. From cooking and cleaning to paying the bills and grocery shopping. Field trips and school functions. The kids are my life. They complete me.
Therefore, I completely believe that any time spent with your kids is never time wasted. Especially when they’re young. They’re impressionable. Spending time with them helps them develop their fine motor skills. Handling situations. Dealing with emotions. Learning to share. And over all it helps them become better human beings. Also, it allows you to tap into your inner child which allows you to remain young at heart. Take a few moments out of your day…. and spend them with our kids.
Sometimes, you just have to accept the truth and stop wasting your time with the wrong people. I actually can use this for multiple people. Quite easily actually. And I seem like a bitch because of it. Or at least that is the word on the streets right now.
So…. lets see.
there is a certain someone in my life. Well a few certain someones who…..as the lyrics from the band ISSUES says “you only call when I wanna pay Maxed out plastic guess you’l’l be on the way” So I only hear from these certain people when they want me for something. Either they want money or they want me to do something. And I have broken my back and my bank account to help them. Literately. Gone broke helping them. when I should have said no. Should have stopped and should have let them fall instead of trying to constantly be the hero… Another ISSUES song says ‘I never said I was your GD superman” I feel that way ALOT. like ALOT!!!!!! I don’t hear from them as much. And one of them in particular, my older brother, gets upset that I have a better relationship with our other brother than I do with him. The middle brother NEVER asks me for money… EVER!!!! When he wants something…..he will text ‘hey’ and its usualy hey can you watch the boys because they gotta work or can you watch the boys so i can have a date night. (sometimes its to go christmas shopping etc) The majority of our conversations include sending youtube links back and forth for music we want the others to listen to. SERIOUSLY. I have tried that with the older brother….and he ignores me. But he’s quick to text me to ask for money or to help him with food bills gas cigs alcohol or to try to make me feel guilty beause I said NO. I went broke helping my brother and considering that I am not working and my husband is the sole bread winner.. I feel extremely guilty that we’ve gone broke helping him. Especially when my husband and brother don’t have the greatest relationship. He’s always tried to intimidate my husband especially when we got pregnant with our first. Because I’m “babysister” I think it is just time that I accept the truth… and let my brother in his 30’s fall and learnn how to fix for himself.
The other person…..is my in law and his wife.
This is a complicated story. Okay….so my brother, the middle one, worked with my FIL years ago. my brother like my FIL….. they got a long great….. And when I met him… They were quick to invite me to dinner and text me and try to make me feel like family and I was like cool. My husband (boyfriend at the time) had a dad that was accepting etc….. But my husband wasn’t too happy with them….at all. Barely talked to them anything. And I tried to get the story but my husband was like its personal its complicated its……. And while my husband wasn’t willing to let me know what was going on……my FIL and his wife were quick to let me know what they thought about my mother in law. Constantly running her name thru the mud. And I didn’t have much of a problem with it in the beginning because my MIL was the worst. She HATED me. I mean literately HATED me!!! She told her son to stop seeing me. That is how much she hated me. But as we got to know each other more. she started softening up and turned out to be not so bad.
Welll there is a backstory there. My FIL cheated on my MIl more than once. He actually got with his current wife while still married to my MIL…… so as an only child seeing all of this going on and my FIL wasn’t ever really there for my husband…never did father son activities or anything. I now understand why my husband didn’t want anything to do with his dad….. But I didn’t know that then…. So I pushed… I pushed my husband to have a relationship with his dad… I pushed him to let our kids have a relationship with his dad. All was fine until the favoritism of the oldest kid started happening. Then the FIL and his wife took a stance that it was my fault. That my husband would never treat them this way if it wasnt for me…. even though you know the wife talked mad crap about my husband when she was just the mistress….. Its all so complicated and mess and wrong. I should have stayed out of it way back then……and let my husband not have a relationship like he wanted becuase then we wouldn’t have a grown man telling the mother of his grandchildren how wrong she is and blaming her in WALMART!!!! yeah… I ran into him in the store and he repeatedly told me EVERYTHING was my fault. That my husband taking a 50B was my doing. Even though, when my husband went and took the papers I WAS AT WORK!!!! I asked him how could I have taken those papers or make your son take those out when I was at work when he took them??? His respose was…. you had to come home sometime. >.< So…..it is time that we accept the truth and stop wasting our time with very bad, very toxic people.
Battling anxiety is no easy task. In fact, I am anxious everyday. I am constantly trying to put my life into a schedule. We get up at a certain time, leave the house at a certain time, pick my daughter up from school on a specific time. We eat dinner by a specific time, baths are done by a specific time. So what happens when something goes wrong and my little schedule is thrown off? Anxiety. That’s what.
I have been one of those people who believe that being on time is the same as being late. I arrive to pick my daughter up from school early, I am usually one of the first four people there. Yes, I sit outside of the school for over an hour. Yes I know that sounds silly. But what if they needed to evacuate early? I would be there to sign her out and head on home. Also, it allows me to complete some of my school work in peace. I have a one year old who is attracted to my laptop. She will wake up from a dead sleep just to touch it if I have it open. Luckily a kid learning tablet is currently distracting her. Before I started being a stay at home mom I would always arrive 20 to 30 minutes early to work. Not that I would start work that early to try to get more hours. Instead I would sit there and know that traffic wouldn’t cause me to be late.
What does being late have to do with anxiety? Well, having anxiety makes a lot of things difficult for me. If I am late I feel that I would get fired. Or yelled at. I arrive to school early so that my daughter will not feel like she’s being forgotten. I arrive to school early so we can make it home before the buses start down our road stopping every 20 feet. I tend to feel that people don’t like me. Or that maybe they’re talking behind my back about me. It is a constant burden. And for that, I rarely have friends. Not any that don’t understand the difficulties of anxiety.
Now some times when I am anxious I can calm it down by moving. Walking back and forth, pacing. Or maybe organizing something. My one year old thinks it funny to take our movies off the shelves and reorganize them in un-alphabetical order. That drives me insane. Organizing things is a way to calm my anxious mind and my racing heart.
What do you do to calm your fears? Do you have any special quirks that help you in your battle with anxiety? Remember, you are not alone. I would love to hear what helps you.