#MentalIllness is NOT a fashion statement

Now usually I have all of my blog post scheduled. I work on them. I write them out on paper before I type them up and then I decide which days I want them to go out.

Well….as I was scrolling thru facebook this morning…. I found this. and well. I just had to write about it because it is seriously pissing me off..

I am a huge Nirvana fan. I know I was a toddler when Kurt Cobain’s light went out and we lost a legend. As it was written, he joined the 27 club. The club of many talented artist who lost their lives at the mere age of 27. Which is sad.

But this shirt. and the post that the female wearing the shirt wrote… that is just showing the stigma we who truly suffer a mental illness are surrounded with every day. And if looking at that post doesn’t piss you off…. I don’t know what will.

I shared the image on my personal facebook page with a mean message written with it because I was heated. I was seriously heated. Here’s why.

The letter that is sadly posted on that shirt was written to Cobain’s childhood imaginery friend. It was his inner most thoughts, his dark, sad thoughts. How would you feel if your journal or you personal diary was posted on a shirt for anyone to make a mockery of. That is what this is. it is a mockery.

Now I know anyone can Google Kurt Cobain’s suicide note to read it. I have done it myself when I was researching his life. I have alway been fascinated with the mind of the man who wrote Smells Like Teen Spirit, Heart Shape Box, Lithium, and many others that have been my anthems duing my most angstiest stages of my life.

I still listen to Nirvana to this day and I think that I will always listen to them. They were so genius. They were ahead of their time.

Now to the death of Cobain. I know that I wasn’t but a few years old when it happened and couldn’t possibly understand at that time what it meant. But as I got older I was always curious. There is actually many conspiracy theories about the way that he left us. I don’t think the world will ever really know the truth. and we have to come to term with that.

(It is one of the hardest things about suicide. Is coming to terms with not know why or how or what was going on in their minds in the moments leading up to that moment. )

Lets take a look at what happened after he died. There was an epidemic of copy cat suicides around the world. Many young people thought that they couldn’t cope and we didn’t just lose Cobain. We lost a lot of people in that time. I actually wrote a paper about it when I was taking a psychology class. It was a sad time.

So now back to this shirt. It is insensitive in the least. It is a slap in the face of those who took their lives shortly after Cobain. It is a knife in the heart of Frances Cobain, Kurt’s daughter. Do you really think that she would want people wearing her dad’s suicide note around like they are being fashionable? It is distasteful.

It could actually be a trigger. For those who are suffering with a mental illness. Who are on the brink of the edge. The edge of no return.

This shirt is taking the #BreakTheStigma movement 10 steps back and I feel that we all need to rally together against this.

Let me know what you think about this awful shirt.

#Lyrics Why-Rascal Flatts

You must’ve a been in a place so dark, couldn’t feel the light
Reachin’ for you through that stormy cloud
Now here we are gathered in our little home town
This can’t be the way you meant to draw a crowd

Oh why, that’s what I keep askin’
Was there anything I could have said or done
Oh I, had no clue you were masking a troubled soul, God only knows
What went wrong, and why you’d leave the stage in the middle of a song

Now in my mind I keep you frozen as a seventeen year old
Roundin’ third to score that winning run
You always played with passion no matter what the game
When you took the stage you shined just like the sun

Oh why, that’s what I keep askin’
Was there anything I could have said or done
Oh I, had no clue you were masking a troubled soul, God only knows
What went wrong, and why you’d leave the stage in the middle of a song

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Now the oak trees are swayin’ in the early autumn breeze
The golden sun is shining on my face
The tangled thoughts I hear a mockingbird sing
This old world really ain’t that bad a place

Oh why there’s no comprehending
And who am I to try to judge or explain
Oh, but I do have one burning question
Who told you life wasn’t worth the fight
They were wrong
They lied
And now you’re gone
And we cried

‘Cause It’s not like you, to walk away in the middle of a song

Your beautiful song
Your absolutely beautiful song

I’ve never really been a fan of country music….except for Rascal Flatts. I am not sure what it is about this band but they are my heart of country.

This song, in particular, is a very sad song. It is about suicide. It is about those who are left behind. I once read a quote that suicide doesn’t end pain, it just transfer it to those left behind.

Like I have said before. I have people in my life who have either threatened suicide before or have suicidal tendencies.  It is painful to see them that way. To hear them talk that way. And If I ever lost them…I would be devastated.

#Lyrics Bullet-Hollywood Undead


style=”color: #000080;”>The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,
I think I’ll slit my wrists again and I’m gone, gone, gone,
My legs are dangling off the edge,
A stomach full of pills didn’t work again,
I’ll put a bullet in my head and I’m gone, gone, gone.

Gone too far and yeah I’m gone again,
It’s gone on too long, tell you how it ends,
I’m sitting on the edge with my two best friends,
Ones a bottle of pills, ones a bottle of gin,
I’m twenty stories up, yeah I’m up at the top,
I’ll polish off this bottle, now it’s pushing me off,
Asphalt to me has never looked so soft,
I bet my momma found my letter, now shes calling the cops,
I gotta take this opportunity before I miss it,
‘Cause now I hear the sirens and they’re off in the distance,
Believe me when I tell you that I’ve been persistent,
‘Cause I’m more scarred, more scarred than my wrist is,
I’ve been trying too long, with too dull of a knife,
But tonight I made sure that I sharpened it twice,
I never bought a suit before in my life,
But when you go to meet god, you know you wanna look nice.

So if I survive, then I’ll see you tomorrow,
Yeah I’ll see you tomorrow.

My legs are dangling off the edge,
The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,
I think I’ll slit my wrists again and I’m gone, gone, gone, gone,
My legs are dangling off the edge,
A stomach full of pills didn’t work again,
I’ll put a bullet in my head and I’m gone, gone, gone, gone.

We hit the sky, there goes the light,
No more sun, why’s it always night
When you can’t sleep, well, you can’t dream,
When you can’t dream, well, whats life mean?
We feel a little pity, but don’t empathize
The old are getting older, watch a young man die,
A Mother and a Son and someone you know,
Smile at each other and realize you don’t,
You don’t know what happened to that kid you raised,
What happened to the Father, who swore he’d stay?
I didn’t know ’cause you didn’t say,
Now Momma feels guilt, yea Momma feels pain,
When you were young, you never thought you’d die,
Found that you could but too scared to try,
You looked in the mirror and you said goodbye,
Climb to the roof to see if you could fly.

So if I survive, then I’ll see you tomorrow,
Yeah I’ll see you tomorrow.

My legs are dangling off the edge,
The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,
I think I’ll slit my wrists again and I’m gone, gone, gone, gone,
My legs are dangling off the edge,
A stomach full of pills didn’t work again,
I’ll put a bullet in my head and I’m gone, gone, gone, gone.

I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky,
Like a bird so high,
Oh I might just try,
I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky,
Like a bird so high,
Oh I might just try,
Oh I might just try.

This song is about suicide. But its in a different form that I have heard before. You see, I have that person in my life who threatens suicide all the time. So I kind of hear them in this song. Yes, Suicide is not something that should be joked about. And I don’t think they are making a joke of it.

I think it is more about wanting to be able to talk about suicide but currently its so dark and twisted to even mention the words so they tried to put it to an upbeat backing music.

Either way, Hollywood Undead is an interesting band. They’re not normal.

Chester Bennington

 

As many of you know, we lost a legend on July 20, 2017.  This day will forever be a dark cloud for an entire generation. It was on this day that Chester Bennington died by suicide. There are many words to describe this amazing person. Too many words than I could put in one simple post.

I first began listening to Linkin Park when their first album came out. Now for this generation growing up now wouldn’t understand what it was like to wait for TRL to show your favorite videos.  As a child I listened to anything and everything my brothers did.  This meant Linkin Park, Green Day, Nirvana, Simple Plan, Slipknot and many more. Actually, a lot of what my brothers listened to is what I still listen to today.  I remember being in elementary school when I heard this most amazing scream coming from my brothers room.  From that instance I was hooked.

Many years later, I saw Chester when he was with Stone Temple Pilots and that day would have been one of the best in the world.  Except I was pregnant and nauseous. Then fate would be on my side, Linkin Park was coming to my state and I was going to get to see him and this time I wasn’t going to be sick. Or at least I thought fate was on my side. I know that sounds a little selfish.  I shouldn’t be selfish. It’s not about me. But it is okay for me to feel the way that I do. And if anyone tells you that its not okay for you to be upset then they need to go on somewhere.

What I think a lot of us are asking is if Chester cannot win his battle, then how can we?  It is the Linkin Park family, the soldiers, that have come together to help each other battle these mental illnesses.  It is even Chester’s own wife who is taking a stand and taking the stigma out of mental illness.

When the world lost Kurt Cobain to suicide, the world saw a mass of copy cat suicides.  When we lost Chester, we lost our rock, our inspiration. We lost the voice who spoke for our battles, who spoke to who we hide from the world.  Chester related to us all. When we lost him, we lost our friend.  We may not have known him personally, but he spoke to our souls so well that we all felt like we knew him.  Through Chester, us soldiers knew it was okay to not be like everyone else. We knew that it was okay to be hurting, it was okay to cry, to break. It was okay.  We were going to be okay. His smile was infectious and he brought joy to millions of people. I feared that when we lost him, we would see copy cat deaths by suicide like we did in the early 90’s.  It was this anxious thought that made me jump to twitter and try to reach out to anyone and everyone I could so that they knew they were not alone. If you are reading this…. You are not alone.

I will never turn someone away who is hurting. I will never not listen to someone when they need to talk. Please reach out. I am such a great listener. I will be here for you.  I might not be anything else but listen but please know you can reach out.

Why should we be looked down upon because we are depressed? Why are we turned away as if we’re being over dramatic when we feel anxious? I am anxious, all the time. But I am not different than you. I am still a person. I am still fighting.c44020eed5938145ab9c1e5d7a0a389a