Not okay

You do not have to accept things that you are not okay with. And I know that can be a struggle. Especially when you have a mental illness. for instance, I try to HELP everyone. I try to fix everything. I just do. I also try to feed everyone. For instance, my husbands ended up with two turkeys from his job. Of course we used one for Thanksgiving and I was going to give the second one to a friend who was going to do a community Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, some things came up and my friend couldn’t host the party. Therefore, we had an additional turkey.

So I decided that we couldn’t just leave that turkey in the freezer forever… So I decided, the weather is getting colder… Why not feed my husbands training class some turkey chili. It was pretty banging and the class loved it.

I have fed them numerous times. Because cooking helps me calm down when I am feeling anxious. Because cooking is something I have control over. I can control how something is cooked. I can control the chicken. I can control whether its baked, grilled, fried or boiled. I cannot always control my anxiety, although I am working on that.. But I can control what I cook.

Sometimes I feel like I am a push over and that a lot of people know this and use it to their advantage. Like my oldest brother. For instance, he uses manipulation to make me feel bad for him. As a way to guilt me into doing things for him. Enabling him. Only recently have I built up a back bone and learned that I do not have to accept things that I am not okay with. I am not okay with giving my brother money since I know he doesn’t use it for what he says he needs it for. He usually uses it to buy beer. Because he is an alcoholic. He says he is not but that is just denial. He is pretty much an ass when he is drunk and he knows I cannot stand him drinking or doing drugs and have kept him away from my kids when he is under the influence. Hell everytime he calls me or needs me… I go alone. My kids don’t need to be around it.

It is okay to say no. Honestly, as someone with a mental illness. I need to learn to say no more often. It is okay to not accept things that you’re not okay with. IF it makes you feel some type of way… say no. You do not have to do it. You can say no. If it makes you uncomfortable.. you don’t have to do it.

There is no rule saying that you absolutely have to accet thngs that you are not okay with. For instance, I am not okay with my FIL showing favortism to my oldest daughter and completely ignoring my youngest. He has cancelled quite a few times if my oldest wasn’t home. like coming to see the youngest alone was just too hard. But going to the school to eat lunch with the oldest was easy. Taking the oldest out to eat or to the park or to play at his house was easy. But spending any time with the youngest isn’t something that he can do. And I was not okay with that. And I let it be known that I was not okay with that. It has been almost a year since he has seen the kids. It all could have been resolved if he would have said hey I am sorry, I didn’t realize it was an issue. How can I fix it? But nope. That is not how things go. Nope. A grown man has to play the blame game. Has to blame the kids. Has to bash me to anyone and everyone that listens. Then I find out that he left his first wife not just once but twice. And the first time was when my husband was a kid. He left for someone a lot younger than him. Someone so young, that I am not okay with him being alone with my girls ever again. I am not okay with it and I don’t have to accept it.

I understand a lot of people think ‘hey he’s your husband’s father you can’t just shut him out’. Actually I can. Because my husband doesn’t want to be around his dad or his dad’s wife. They had a pretty awful relationship and I butted in and pushed for them to have some type of relationship. But since this has affect our kids…my husband is not accepting it. He’s not okay with it either and has put his foot down. My FIL actually ran into me at the store and put all the blame on my like I am some type of monster that I made his son do this and a lot of other things. I was not okay with it and I put my foot down.

You don’t have to accept things if you are not okay with it. Even if it is family. Just because it is family does not make things that make you uncomfortable okay. It isn’t. You don’t have to settle or be bullied into anything. Stand up for yourself.. You are worth it.

Update

 

So a few days ago I filled ya’ll in on a situation that was happening with my in laws. The wife said, how did she put it….lets see it was “We WILL be there Thursday for an afternoon visit”

Telling me what they’re going to do at my house.

That was when a trigger kinda flipped in my head and I saw red.

That and the fact that she was 1.) Throwing tantrum like a toddler and 2.) Reprimanding me as if I am a child. I will be 30 in a few short years. I am far from being a child.

I calmly let her know the following day, after I calmed down. That we would not be home Thursday. I have a cousin (he’s my cousins husband) in hospice, he’s about 80 something years old. He has pancreatic cancer. So I wanted to keep this past week open in case I needed to go comfort my cousin in her time of need. I didn’t want to make plans and then cancel them last minute. I am not that rude.

Well of course that didn’t make them happy. They haven’t let me know. They aren’t talking to me….. Which I am perfectly fine with. But they have recently contacted my husband requesting the girls on Easter.

 

Yesterday.

They requested the girls on a holiday that they don’t even celebrate yesterday. 2 Days before said holiday.

 

I saw RED!!!!!

For the past 5 years we have done the same tradition every year. It is no secret. These in laws know exactly what we do EVERY YEAR!!!! I’ve been talking about these plans for months. I started planning a month ago. The minute Wal-Mart put out Easter stuff… I made the baskets.

You see I make the baskets… cause I love organizing things and my brother does the egg hunt.

So every Easter, my husband gets up and takes the girls to church with his mom. Every EASTER. They get home around 1 or 2 and then we go to my brothers for the egg hunt. After egg hunt we all go eat. Every YEAR.

But now all of a sudden they want us to push our plans around so they can see them?!?!?!?!

NO.

 

Have you ever had your anxiety over not saying the right thing turn into anger where you don’t care anymore????

When I sit there and read what they’re saying (because who says anything to your face anymore) I see red…. then I get anxiety. I freak out about what I should say. I type….delete….type….delete…type….ask my husband if its too mean…delete….type and send. Then my anxiety grows waiting for a response. I think it comes from a childhood of never being able to speak my mind because it would either cause a bad reaction or I would be reprimanded.

 

So that’s where we are in this situation….. don’t you love in laws????