Remember about you

One thing that I hate from my anxiety is that I am constantly worrying and afraid about death. Not just my own death but others around me like my mom. I am completely afraid of losing my mom. I know she’s in her 60’s and it just terrifies me and I am completely afraid of how will I go on when that time comes. But I also worry about my death. Especially since the doctors thought that I might have had cancer when I was pregnant with my youngest. I kept telling them that I had a sinus infection and I was consuming dairy even though I have a small allergy to said dairy products. But they didn’t think that was the cause of my white blood cell count being high and for two months they had me scared that I had had cancer and that thought made me afraid of dying. of leaving my kids alone with their dad who would not be completely capable of raising two girls on his own because he doesn’t know everything about girls being an only child himself it would be hard for him. And I think that fear of dying has caused me to keep two journals for my girls kind of retelling their life from now. And how I feel about them and how I love watching the grow and everything. So that if anything ever did happen to me….they would have the memories in these books.

So, what would I want everyone to remember about me? That I did everything I could for my friends and family. That I was there for everyone that I could have. That I gave everything my all. That I was willing to step out of my comfort zone for the ones I loved. That I tried.

Honestly, that is all I want people to remember is that I tried. I gave myself to everything that I could. That I tried my hardest at everything I set my heart on. That I wasn’t a quitter. That I never let the anxiety control my entire life. That I constantly tried to make sure that I could attempt anything even with my anxiety being the evil little devil it always has been.

What do you want to be remembered about.

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Be remembered 

 

Death is always a hard thing to talk about. For me….I have always taken death very hard. I’m a big crybaby I can’t help it. I’m just and overly emotional person.

So when anyone passes away, you sit around and remember them. Things they did or said or maybe how they were in general. But what would you want to be remembered for?

Death scares the living crap out of me. I cry just thinking ‘what if something happened to me? What would happen to my kids? What would I be remembered for? What if they remember me as someone different than I had hoped?

Honestly, I hope they would remember how much I loved them. How I always tried so hard to help anyone. How much I loved my ids and what Kind of mother I am. If I am not remembered for anything else… I just want to be remembered for how I am with my girls because they are my life. This journal topic is very deep and emotional…

 

What would you want to be remembered for?