Don’t call me a SAHM

 

Don’t get me wrong. I loved being a stay at home mom. Like really loved it. It was the best thing for me at that time and for what we were going thru.

However, I wanted to get a job so that we could have a little more spending money. So I got a job. Yes, it is a work from home job. But it is still work.

When you tell anyone you’re a stay at home mom, there is a lot of heat. A lot of hate. A lot of judgement and you’re looked down upon.

I’ve seen it first hand on many occasions. A lot of people thought that all I did was sit on my behind watching tv….all day long. And it infuriated me. To no end.

Seriously.

When I was pregnant with my youngest. It was a rough pregnancy. Really rough and high risk. The doctor told me on many occasions that I needed to sit down with my feet up as much as possible.

Well it helped that I wasn’t working at that time and that I was a SAHM.

But what people didn’t realize is that I had a 4 year old at home and my husband worked almost 12 plus hours 5 to 6 days a week. So he couldn’t actually make sure that I was resting and he couldn’t exactly work all of those hours, get adequate sleep, spend time with his kid and handle the housework. There was just no way that I could be the bed rest type of pregnant with everything that was going on.

So while I was supposed to be off my feet as much as possible for my health and my unborn child’s help. I wasn’t. And that is okay. I really loved being able to make sure that everything was taken care of, bill wise, errands and food. I still love doing that. I clean all the time. I am the sole cooker in the family. I love cooking. I love spending time with my kids. I love making sure that my husband can rest after he’s had a long rough day at work.

I love being a mom. And I love being a mom that’s home. Because when I did work outside of the home…. I was rarely home. Things were very hectic and my oldest barely saw either of her parents. When I told her I was going back to work…..she cried. Because she didn’t want to have to go without seeing me like she did when she was younger. It really broke me for her to remember how little she saw me. However, I reassured her that it is from home. That I can still see her a lot. That it won’t be like the last time. That it will only be for a little bit a day.

That made her okay with the transition.

So why do I not want to be called a Stay at home mom????

It is simple. Everyone thinks that stay at home moms do NOTHING all day. They think that we’re lazy. What’s worse is that there are some people that assume that you’re from the 1950’s wearing pleated skirts and that your whole entire life is dedicated to your husband first your kids second and then your home.

I am sorry. I don’t know how many times that I have heard something to that extent of ‘Isn’t that what a wife is SUPPOSED to do’….. Supposed to?!? Really?

No. I stay at home because I want to. Because we were able to afford it. Because it made sense with everything that was going on at the time. Not because I was supposed to

When you get married you go from I to we. You go from fighting alone to being a team. We are a team, my husband and I. We work together. There is no one that pulls more weight than the other. There is no his money or my money. There are no his chores or my chores. There is our money, our problems, our chores. OUR.

I don’t want to be called a stay at home mom because I am tired of being placed into this ridiculous box of a stereotype that is no longer relevant.

I am a mom. That is my greatest achievement and that is what I will be called from now on. If anyone wants to challenge it….and try to call me a stay at home mom. I will kindly educate them on how woman are more than what they are assuming.

Have you ever asked a mom what she does in a day? It is way more than just sitting on their behind all day.

There is the school year. Which tends to be more hectic than school vacations. Especially when your kid wears glasses because sometimes they might forget their glasses. In which you’ll have to drive back to the school to drop them off and if you have a toddler at home you have to load them in and out of the car. There are lunches, homework, field trips, fundraiser, after school events, conferences, eating lunch at school with them. There are so many things that you do with school its not even funny.

And that is not including if your kid is a car rider because you have to drop them off and pick them back up.

Food. If you have a toddler at home you have 3 meals a day that you must prepare. Two of which the other kid isn’t home for. Then there are snack time. You have to get the toddler down for their nap and try to teach them something new. Because you want your kid to be ahead of the game. Even if its just the ABC’s. I, at least, try every single day to try to teach something to my kids. During the summer, my oldest has ‘homework’ where she has to read or do some simple math problems.

There are always some type of errand to run, some bill to pay. Groceries to shop for. Doctor visits. Cleaning is a daily thing if you don’t have kids. But if you have kids it is more like an hourly thing. Especially with a 2 year old.

As a mom, you kiss boo boo’s, you look for monsters. You read stories. You are the first point of contact with the kids. Or at least my kids. They will pass their daddy to ask me first.

I am way more than a stay at home mom.

Being a WFH mom

 

So I just recently found a job where I get to work from home. The only problem is that I cannot have any background noises when I am taking calls. So I have to hibernate for 5-6 hours a day in my room 5 days a week.

Which will be fine.

It will be okay.

I sound a little unsure because this is the first time I am going back to work in a few years. So I am very nervous about it. But I need to go back to work. So here we are.

 

However, being a WFH mom has so many benefits it is ridiculous. I cannot believe I actually found one.

1.) Saving money

Working from home saves so much money in the long run. The last job I had was a call center. I had to get up by 7 in the morning and take my kid to my mothers by 7:30, and be at my desk clocked in ready to take phone calls at 8 in the morning. So I lived a few miles if that away from my job so the gas wouldn’t be so bad. However, I had to go to my mothers which was a little farther from where I was working. And I was paying my mother at that time to watch my kid. Not a whole lot. Not as much as I would have to pay a day care service.  I was spending 20 a week on gas if not more depending on if I had errands during lunch or not. Then I was paying my mom about 100 every two weeks. so a month of work would cost me $280

So working from home allows me to not have to drive anywhere. And my mom comes over all the time anyway so she just comes over when I have to go into the room with the door closed and makes sure no one gets hurt. She gets free dinner.

2.) No dress code

Now my last job didn’t have a strict dress code persay so I usually just put some jeans on and a decent tshirt and headed off to work. And the code was a little more slack on weekends so if I was working the weekend I would wear my stretchy lazy pants. But I had to buy dress clothes for the interview. And because I am a tomboy, I had to update my wardrobe to a more casual work attire rather than band shirts and worn out jeans. So that was another cost that I had to endure.

However, yesterday I mowed half my yard (That’s all I had time for) and was able to go take a shower right before work and ….. put on my pj’s for work. I got to work a 5 hour shift in my pajamas. And no one knew. And no one cared. Because my PJ’s do not affect my ability to work in any way. It is really nice not to have to wear jeans every day.

3.) I am HOME

So at my last job, if there was an emergency… I had to go to my manager and then my supervisor and hope that they understand and let me leave without any issues. This was not always the case. Sometimes, I would get a 10 min lecture about how this will give me a point and so many points will cause me to lose my job and is it really an emergency that I have to leave for. One time I left because my husband was hurt. I didn’t get home til an hour after he called me because my supervisor (who happened to be related to my husband) didn’t understand why I had to go make sure my husband was okay.

Being a WFH mom, if there is an emergency. I AM HOME. I am right here. I simply just send an email to my manager and I leave. Yes it will hurt my attendance, but life happens and the company I work for understands that. I don’t have to try to get off and then try to make it home in a speedy manner without getting pulled over. I am home. I can literally go out of the room to assist with whatever happens.

 

There are so many other benefits to being home that I just cannot put into words at the moment. It is crazy. I love it. The only downside is that my internet could go down or I could get cabin fever. I am also sitting for a long period which I was use to years ago but the past 2 and a half years, I barely sit for too long. But those are the only ones that I can think of right now.

 

But maybe I am just so excited because I am just starting out in my job…. maybe my thought process will change once I have worked there for awhile. Who knows.

What’s the point?

Everyone knows that yesterday, 3/20/2018 was the first day of spring. Right?

And what does spring bring us? Flowers, sunshine, warmth maybe green grass. Of course it also means bees and pollen. So pretty soon I am going to have to start taking an allergy pill everyday. Stupid pollen.

So after a crazy, whacky winter of freezing my bum off, I am looking forward to spring and summer means swimming. But no. We’re in the south. Where all of our seasons hit in one flipping week. Monday it was so warm that I went to the store at like 8 at night without a coat cause it was so warm. Yesterday it was cold and rainy and all around depressing.

This morning, tho. Well this morning I got woken up at 5:30 to a phone call from the school. A 3 hour delay. A 3 hour flipping delay and at 6 am there was no flipping snow on the ground. The ground was barely even wet. Like WTH!!! and of course I was excited about not having to get up and get the big kid dressed and then fight with the little kid to get in the car because lately she has been having tantrums in the morning when it is time to take her sister. I guess she thinks if she throws a fit then we won’t leave and her sister will stay home. yeah nope.

But it didn’t even start snowing til about 8 am. And it wasn’t sticking. Let me repeat that. We had fluffy wet white stuff falling to the ground and disappearing. like magic. POOF. And there is a 3 hour flipping delay. I can understand if the temperature was anywhere near freezing like 33 degrees but no when I checked our temp was 38 degrees and no ice anywhere. The temperature hadn’t dropped anywhere near freezing all night.

Okay.. I know this is sounding like really bad on my part and like I am against schools looking out for our kids….Don’t get me wrong. I love my kids school they are so attentative and awesome. My issue is my husband left for work at 5 am and made it to work 20 mintues away with absolutely no problem and we have a 3 hour delay for school. It makes no sense. I would have been fine with a 2 hour delay

You see my issue with 3 hour delays is simple. There is no time to learn anything. To do anything. The school doors doesn’t open until 10:30 am. The late bell doesn’t ring until 11:05 am and they still feed the kids lunch. Yes I do believe they take 20 mins to eat in class or something. But school ends at 2:30. I am in line every day a 1.

So I drop off the kids at 10:30 am and I have enough time to go grab a bite to eat for lunch and watch half a movie then I am right back up here to pick my kid up. Seriously. I have to condense anything into 2 and a half hours when we have 3 hour delays. Then the rest of my day feels like I have done absolutely nothing.

And today of all days. I have family in from across the country that I have not seen in 20 years. I have to be ready to go out to eat with them in 4 hours after I get my kid which means getting myself and the girls ready to go. I gotta make sure my oldest home work is done. I gotta clean the tornado that hit my house while I was at the grocery store last night.

Seriously….is there some kind of button that the kids hit the minute the mom leaves??? It seems like everytime I leave the girls with their grandmother or their dad to run errands I come home and its like the twilight zone. Its not my house anymore. It is crazy. Then I end up either fussing for hours to make everyone help do it right or I spend an hour cleaning it by myself.

So….today… I feel rushed. all because a little white frozen water fell from the sky and disappeared on the ground.

Things you love

 

When you suffer from anxiety, you tend to only think about the bad. Things that could happen. You’re constantly worrying and afraid. It is quite awful. However, in an attempt to keep up my journal posts to encourage each other on our individual journeys with mental illness and my own personal attempt at breaking the stigma.

So this journal entry is 10 things I love… today I am choosing my mom.

1.) She is the strongest woman I know

My dad was an abusive alcoholic. Now my mom says that the relationship wasn’t always that way but the more he drank the more abusive he was. It got worse when he stopped being able to find a job. She just took the abuse, grinned and beared it and kept on. But then he started being mean to my brothers. That is when she started standing up against him, which made the abuse to her worse. The final straw, I was born. Being a girl, she was worried his abuse towards me would be far worse than the boys.  So when I was about 1 or 2….she left. She got custody of us and she left his abuse. You do not know how strong a person is to leave a controlling abusive relationship. She willingly left with all 3 kids to be a single mom. It was never easy. My brothers are a handful.

2.) Her love for my kids

I know all grandparents love their grandkids but my mom seriously loves my kids. She spoils them to death. More than her other grandkids. She will come over at 6 am on Christmas morning when its 12 degrees outside to watch the girls open their gifts. She goes to every single function for my oldest daughter. She would spend the last dollar of her disability on the girls. She allows my oldest to stay the weekend almost every weekend. And I allow it. Why? Because there are only so many years where a child wants to be around their grandparents.

3.) I never disappoint her.

Now that is not saying that I haven’t done things that could have disappointed her or should have disappointed her. I have. I mean I am only human. But she is always understanding. When I got pregnant at 19. I was terrified to tell my mom. But she wasn’t mad. She actually said…it happens. We’ll handle it together.  She is also very understanding about my anxiety. She tries very hard to help me be less anxious.

4.) She never ignores me

I text a lot and I think the person I text the most is my mom. Honestly. I talk to her every day all day. She is my best friend. Even if I wake up at 3 am and text her. She usually texts back as soon as she wakes up. She is actually over at my house about 6 days a week. She usually heads home after I cook dinner. That way she doesn’t have to cook.

5.) She doesn’t sugar coat anything

Even when I was a kid…she never sugar coated anything. If she had a short paycheck and had to make a decision on whether she paid the water bill or bought groceries. She never made that decision alone. She always talked to us about it. She always asked us what we wanted. She never tried to make things sound better than they were. And it made me understand things a lot better.

6.) Allows me to experiment

I am a cooker. I love to cook. And I love to experiment with my recipes. As long as it is not too spicy she is willing to try it. I don’t eat steak and my mom doesn’t eat steak. However, my husband does and occasionally I’ll make him steak as a specialty and she will try it to make sure it is seasoned just right or tender enough. She’s amazing.

7.) Her bread and desserts

My mom never really cooked when I was a kid. I mean how could she. She worked all the time. She was a single mom. And what she did cook, she usually burned. I’m not being mean it is the honest truth. However, her deserts and bread was the best thing in the entire world. My friend specifically asks for her peanut butter cup pie and pumpkin bread all the time.

8.) She gave her everything for her kids

Not only did she fight tooth and nail to make sure she got herself and us out of that house. She continued to give everything for us. She didn’t bring men around us. She didn’t drink in front of us. She never did drugs. She always worked. When we couldn’t have Christmas, we would have Tax Time. which after catching bills up, whatever was left of the tax money would be spent on us anything we needed and wanted. She still gives even though she’s on disability.

9.) She never gave up

I know in this post I am talking bad about my dad. But I didn’t really know him. I know he passed away recently and I am very sad about that. I did wish I could have had a relationship with him. But life doesn’t always work out how we wanted. Although they were separated for most of my life, they were still married. My dad was court ordered to pay child support. Which he hardly ever did. So everything we needed to survive. My mom had to provide all on her own. My oldest brother was a trouble maker. A real trouble maker. So, there were many times where she could have just given up. But she never given up. She always kept trucking and pushing forward.

10.) She is always there. 

I know I already said that she would come at 6 AM for the girls. But honestly she would do that for me too. If I called her right now and told her that I needed her here right now….she would get her shoes on and come. She’s my mom. But she’s also my best friend.

#anxiety … Its time for something personal

Well as a part of my thank you to my followers. Yeah I know. I haven’t hit a big number of followers but the ones I do have are important and no one can ever change that. So, I was requested to post a personal diary story.

quotes-Sometimes-suffering-

As a mom with anxiety disorder, things get hard. And no, I don’t mean in any way that would physically harm anyone. My brother was/is a cutter…I won’t go down that road… I do have a high pain tolerance (all natural births both times) however I’m not the type of person who want to test my tolerance.

When I say hard I mean I go thru times where I don’t feel good enough. I stay at home.

The mornings start with my husband leaving for work. Is he going to be late? Did I not hear the alarm to make sure hes up? I sleep too much. I’m not doing my part. I’m not good enough.

After he leaves I start getting things ready for the day. Pull out meat so i can cook dinner and pack kids lunches. Did I remember the spoon? Did I take the crust off the sandwhich? Will this fill them up? Is this what they wanted to eat today? I’m not good enough.

Now comes the part of waking my daughter up so we can get ready for school to pick up my nephews. Am I helping enough? Did I yell at her? Was I too mean? Is my youngest feeling left out? I’m not good enough.

In the car I hear the kids talking…on days like these I’m usually lost in my head. Did I run the light? Did I stop long enough at the stop sign? Then one of the kids asks if I will come eat lunch with them….sometimes its hard to gather the energy to be in a loud room full of kids. Am I there for the kids enough? I’m not good enough.

Getting back home with my toddler usually consists of more picking up. Do I clean enough? Fixing myself and the baby some breakfast. Is she getting the proper nutrtion? Then it’s getting her ready for nap time. I’m not good enough.

While she naps I try to get some school work done. Maybe edit some photos. Wishing that I had the courage to go out and take photos without constantly needing someone with me. I’m not good enough.

Nap times over. Time to clean the baby up. Diapers and clothes changed etc. Then its time to make the baby some lunch. Does she know how much I love her and her sister? I’m not good enough

Time to get the kids from school. This consists of sitting in the car line for an hour to and hour and a half. Once the kids get in the car, do I make enough small talk? Am I asking the right questions about their day? I’m not good enough.

Time to help my daughter with her homework, clean again, give baths and cook dinner. Am I providing enough boundries? Am I giving them enough independence? I’m not good enough.

Luckily, this isn’t an every day occurrence. It does happen. I feel like no matter what I do I’m not good enough. I’m not a good enough mom because I sometimes yell/fuss at my kids. I’m not a good enough wife because I’m usually exhausted by the time he comes home and not loving enough. I’m not a good enough aunt because I keep putting off eating lunch.

Some days. Im just not good enough. And I know people will tell me things like get over it. Hey! you cannot tell me how to feel. Ever! Feelings are something personal. You’re not going to feel the exact same way as I do so you can’t tell me how to feel.

So here’s my persinal entry on how sometimes I don’t feel good enough.