How you respond

I can be such a controlling person and I think my anxiety has something to do with it. I’m not even sure why I like to have control. Maybe a very skilled therapist could find the root of this problem.

However, something that I really need to work on is how I react. When you cannot control what is happening, control how you respond. For that is where your power is.

When things get hectic and out of control you can typically only control how you respond. For instance, if you overreact or react badly, things can get worse. Typically in my experience, they get way worst.

However, if you grab the metaphorical bull by the horns and own the situation you can probably gain control of the situation much faster. Also, reacting in a positive manner typically provides more positive results.

I’m guilty of not acting in a positive manner…..who else is guilty?

#Lyrics Skyscraper-Demi Lovato

Skies are crying
I am watching
Catching tear drops in my hands
Only silence
Has an ending
Like we never had a chance

Do you have to
Make me feel like
There is nothing left of me

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I’m made of glass
Like I’m made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

As the smoke clears
I awaken
And untangle you from me
Would it make you
Feel better
To watch me while I bleed

All my windows
Still are broken
But I’m standing on my feet

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I’m made of glass
Like I’m made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

Go run run run
I’m gonna stay right here
Watch you disappear ya yaa
Go run run run
Ya it’s a long way down
But I am closer to the clouds up here

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I’m made of glass
Like I’m made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

(Like a skyscraper)
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

 

This is such a powerful song from Demi Lovato. I think this was the first like real song that I had heard from her that wasn’t Disney related and I absolutely loved it. I was in High School and as many of you know, that is an awkward time altogether.

Demi wrote two versions of this song (three if you count the spanish version) The first one was right before going into rehab and the second was when she left rehab. She liked the way the first one sounded better and that is the one we get to hear and I love it.

It is such a strong hopeful song. It says to me, no matter what you throw at me…I will keep trying to build myself up again. Like no matter how much my anxiety tries to make things harder for me, I will keep rising from the ground. I love this song and I love Demi even more for her journey. Her strength, her wisdom and just her.

#Lyrics How Far I’ll Go-Moana

[Verse 1]
I’ve been staring at the edge of the water
Long as I can remember, never really knowing why
I wish I could be the perfect daughter
But I come back to the water, no matter how hard I try

[Pre-Chorus 1]
Every turn I take, every trail I track
Every path I make, every road leads back
To the place I know, where I cannot go
Where I long to be

[Chorus 1]
See the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me
And no one knows, how far it goes
If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me
One day I’ll know, if I go there’s just no telling how far I’ll go

[Post-Chorus]
Go-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Go-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Go-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Go-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

[Verse 2]
I know everybody on this island seems so happy on this island
Everything is by design
I know everybody on this island has a role on this island
So maybe I can roll with mine

[Refrain 2]
I can lead with pride, I can make us strong
I’ll be satisfied if I play along
But the voice inside sings a different song
What is wrong with me?

[Chorus 2]
See the light as it shines on the sea? It’s blinding
But no one knows, how deep it goes
And it seems like it’s calling out to me, so come find me
And let me know, what’s beyond that line, will I cross that line?

[Bridge]
See the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me
And no one knows, how far it goes
If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me
One day I’ll know, how far I’ll go

I know it is kind of cheesy. Choosing a Disney song for an anxiety blog. I mean who am I kidding. Right? Its a kids movie. What do kids know about anxiety?  Well….alot

This song to me…is hope. Its a song that reminds me how much more is out there. That my life is not ruled by anxiety.

#Lyrics Everlong-Foo Fighters

 

Hello, I’ve waited here for you
Everlong
Tonight, I throw myself into
And out of the red
Out of her head, she sang
Come down, and waste away with me
Down with me
Slow how you wanted it to be
And over my head, out of her head she sang
And I wonder when I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I’ll ever ask of you
You’ve got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang
Breathe out, so I can breathe you in
Hold you in
And now I know you’ve always been
And out of your head, out of my head I sang
And I wonder when I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I’ll ever ask of you
You’ve got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang
And I wonder…
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I’ll ever ask of you
You’ve got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang
I know I post a lot of songs that relate to mental health. But honestly, there are just some songs that I adore. I think that music shows who you are. I always thought that you could tell how someone is feeling by listening to the lyrics of their favorite song. This song was on my playlist when I started going out with my husband.
It is, to me, a song of falling in love and hoping it never changes. Dave Grohl said this song is about “being connected to someone so much that not only do you love them physically and spiritually, but when you sing along with them you harmonize perfectly.”

Things that give me anxiety

There are way too many things that give me anxiety. But i will list a few… and maybe why they give me anxiety.

Being late.

Oh my god, I cannot stand to be late. Seriously. I would rather be early sitting outside than late rushing. I even get the kids to school early so that they’re one of the first ones out of the car. Hey they get to get in the breakfast line first. Thats when the food is always hot. I feel like if I am late, I will be in trouble or someone is talking about me being late. My brother is notorious for being late. I kind of expect it from him. But I literally cannot do it.

Things I said within 10 minutes.

Should I have said that. The things I say that could possibly hurt someones feelings or possibly make them disappointed in me stays in my haed forever. I think before I speak and then I think about what I said. It is awful.

Things I said a year ago, or even a couple years ago.

I have a pretty good memory. Especially when it comes to the mistakes I have made or the things I have said. So they keep playing in my head over and over and over. There are usually a lot of late nights.

People touching me.

This isn’t all the time. Only when I am super anxious. I love hugging my husband and my kids. I don’t mind people touching me. Except for some reason when I am extremely anxious I just want to shrink away from others and them touching me makes it even worse. The feeling is hard to describe.

Being around a lot of people.

I grew up in a big family so I haven’t always been this way. And I have good days where I don’t have any anxiety at all. There are times where lots of people don’t bother me. But then again. There are the days where going to a crowded store are just so draining.

being yelled at.

I have never been very good at being yelled at. In fact, my mom has only ever had to whoop me once. In my whole life, I think I have been whooped twice. Once by my mom and once by my cousin who was babysitting me. Usually, all my mom has to do is raise her voice at me. it use to be so bad that when my mom would raise her voice I would start to cry. That is why I try to always not mess up around my brother. If he raised his voice at me.. I am pretty sure I would start crying. I do not like being yelled at.

wondering if people are talking about me.

Yeah. I always think people are talking about me. I’m not the prettiest, skinniest, funniest person around. I have a very poor image of myself so I always feel like someone is talking about me and in my head…its never good.

every action that I do

This is pretty self explanatory. I overthink ever thing that I do, everything that I say, etc.

and just about anything else.

No idea

Has anyone ever told you that you wouldn’t be so anxious if maybe you didn’t think so much? Yeah. I get told that all the time

Truth be told.

I don’t know how to not think.

Every second of every day. I am thinking.

Even when I try not to think… there are thoughts in my head.

Should I have said that?

Am I wrong?

Did I do something?

I really shouldn’t have done that!

I shouldn’t have bought that pair of shoes, that was a waste of money. I’m sure my old ones would’ve lasted a little longer.

Then there are my dreams.

They are extremely vivid and I usually remember them when I wake up. Which is even worse because then I spend the whole morning trying to decipher what it meant.

Thinking is rough.

What screws us up the most

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When I was a kid… I thought about how I wanted my life to be when I grew up. I had a lot of ideas about how I was not going to live like I did when I was a kid. I knew that when I had kids they would never have to worry about where their next meals were going to come from.  They were never going to know what it was like to sleep in a house with no lights or water… They were never going to have to sleep in an abandoned home. They would always have what they needed. I have a formula for almost everything. Like Christmas is coming up and we do 3 toys, 2 outfits, 1 pj and a book. That is what we do. Then they’ll get some things like bath sets or some small toy from Santa. They work for the things that they want. Like we’re going to go to the arcade soon because they all got really good grades on their report cards. They were not a problem in class and they didn’t speak out. My daughter does chores every day and she gets to use that money to buy things she wants. It teaches her to save her money for something that she wants. And I don’t give a hefty allowance either.

However, many people have this elaborate idea of who they’re going to be. I know I did at one point in time. I thought I would be famous and make lots of money. Yeah Right! Life does not work out that way. I am as much of a nobody today as I was when I was 5 years old. And I understand that. I know where I am in life and I don’t let the idea of what I wanted to be affect me in any way. However, that is not always the case for everyone. There are a lot of people who cannot let go of what they think they should be. How their life should be. They’re holding on to these unattainable dreams and it messes with their heads. What screws us up the most in life, is the image of how our life is supposed to be.