Empty Cup

I like to help anyone and everyone. It is just who I am. Honestly. My friend was a stay at home mom and her husband lost his job because he was late to work for the last time and it cause a final strike even though he had a dr note from where their child had been hurt.

So I calculated a month amount of their bills….and my husband and I gave them the money. I say my husband because I run things by him because we’re a team and he hardly ever tells me no because I have explained so many times how important it is to put good into the world.

It didn’t matter to me that we might not be able to go on vacation that summer.. It really didn’t because a vacation to the beach is not a necessity. But my friends kids having a roof and food….that is a necessity to me because I look at those boys like they’re my nephews. And I wouldn’t want to see them go without because a stupid job wouldn’t accept a doctors note for his son.

I am not trying to make myself look good. I was just providing an example of one of the times that we helped others because it is something that is important to us to help others.

I cannot count the times that I have just been there to listen for others which is actually a really hard thing for me because I am an overly empatheic person and I feel their pain. I feel all of their emotions. I draw off of others emotions. And it is pretty awful. Because feeling too many emotions from others can be draining. Both emotionally and metnally.

So if you’re that type of person who is constantly there for others. You’re the one who everyone calls. You constantly got your hand out reaching to help anyone and everyone up… Please know that you need to take time to heal yourself. You need time to decompress. you need time to refill yourself. Because you cannot fill from an empty cup.

I know that it is tempting and you feel obligated to keep going and helping others when you are barely hanging in there. I know how hard it is to say no. But you need time to get yourself back together. I hate saying no. But I have had to learn how to say no because I have come to realize that there are people out there who will keep taking from you and not care when you’re empty.

They will keep calling and begging you to come running until you’re so tired you run off the road (luckily that has never happened to me) They will berate you and yell at you and call you names because you put yourself first. But that is ok. Let them call names. Let them talk. Let them figure shit out for themselves. There is no where in the world that says you have to be their personal superhero.

And if they cannot understand that you need to get yourself back together either emotionally or metnally….did they ever really care about you?

Because my circle has become so small for this exact reason. I have cut people out and stopped helping them because they’re taking advantage of me. They just want to use me. They just want what I can offer. But when my tank is empty…when I need someone….they’re never there.

You don’t have to keep being taken advantage of. You control who you help who you see who is worthy of you.

Don’t let others tell you that they deserve to take every ounce from your cup. Because they don’t deserve anything.

I am sorry if this is a long rant. Please remember that you need to help yourself before you can help others. It is like in an airplane. They tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before helping others. That is the same in everyday life. If you’re exhausted mentally, physicall and emotionally you do not have to help anyone else. You have to recharge your batteries because you are so important.

You Don’t Have to be anyone’s Cure

 

Okay. Well this is a saying that I personally have a hard time putting into effect. You are not obligated to be anyone’s cure. Especially if you suffer from a mental illness.

The thing is. You are already battling your own mind. 24/7. You are the strongest person around just by getting up and fighting the same battle that kept you up last night. So why should you be anyone else’s cure.

 

See. I cannot help it. Personally. I have this inner urge to save anyone and everyone. I have actually dated someone because a part of me felt like I could save them. And it was a waste of time. You cannot save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. Just like you can’t help someone unless they want to help themselves.

The rational part of me thinks ‘hey, I have my own family to worry about. The only people that should be on my priority list are my kids, my husband followed by my mom and nephews/nieces. (because well they’re kids, you should always have time for kids.) I am actually extremely close to my nephews. I treat them as if they were my own kids.

But the irrational part of me thinks ‘I can do this! I can help EVERYONE’ even though the more I push myself, the more I am damaging not only my mental health but my physical health as well. Because it never fails, the people who are always calling for help…..always call late at night or early in the wee hours of the morning. And I feel obligated to go. They need me. They have no one else. And here my friends is where I allow myself to be used.

It actually has taken a lot of time to grow a backbone to say NO. I cannot do it. I have other obligations. My family comes first. And even now….. that I can say no… It takes a while for me to get to that point. I think that it is the empathy part of me that just gives and gives and gives. But when I start feeling like they are abusing my empathy, my trust, my helping hand and become greedy…. that is when I say no. I pull back. I stop being that person for them. Then I kick myself for being too ‘mean’ but sometimes tough love is needed (or at least that is what my mom says)

 

Although you, or I, feel like we can save the world. That we should save the world. We are not obligated to be anyone’s cure. we are, however, obligated to take care of ourselves first because you cannot fill anyone else’s cup if you’re running on empty. We are like a car. We cannot run if we don’t have the gas.

So……even if it is just for 5 minutes… Try to take those 5 minutes to relax and recharge your batteries.

Good karma

 

I grew up believing in Karma. Kind of from my Sunday school teaching Grandma.

Now I know that Karma and Christ are two different types of beliefs. But my grandma always taught me that what you put into the world is what you get out of it. And that you should do for others without the expectations of anything in return. Thats just the godly way.

Thats also kind of like Karma.

The more good Karma you put out is the kind of Karma you are more likely to attract. However, if you’re a Negative Nancy…then that is all you’re going to attract.

Some people only do good things so that others will give them something in return…. To me that is wrong. That is not how you put good karma out into the word. That’s like sending good vibes with a negative note attached at the end. It’s still negative.

Personally, I will help anyone until I feel that I am being take advantage of. And it usually takes me a while to feel like someone is using me. when I do help someone… I never expect anything in return. I actually feel weird when others do anything for me.. or give me anything. I am not good at receiving anything. even on my own birthday.

Just by doing something good and having positive energy is enough. I try to tell anyone I help to pay it forward…do something nice for someone else. I wish everyone would send out positive energy because it could change the world.

What are some ways that I can create good Karma? Well it doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. I can do small things like smiling and talking to the cashier because you never know what kind of customers they have had. Not cutting in front of anyone. Letting someone with less items go ahead of you. Especially if they’re carrying a bunch of stuff in their arms. Opening the door for someone. Picking things up if someone dropped them. There are just so many small things that you can do to create good karma in the world. You never know, maybe one day you’ll need someone’s kindness.