Dreams and a little update

Sorry I haven’t written in awhile. It has been a crazy few weeks since I last posted. My last post, I let you guys know why I had to leave a job that I had.

Well….

Life has a weird way of getting crazy before hopefully getting better.

So while I had just started my work from home job, my husband decided to follow a dream that he has had since forever. becoming a professional wrestlers.

Luckily for us, we found a training school that was close by and affordable. So for the past 2 and a half months…he’s been training.

It is such an inspiration. Watching him strive for this dream. Especially since I have way to bad of anxiety to even try to follow any dream. The kind that tells me I am not good enough at anything. I am a perfectionist in the worst way possible.

But I love that my husband is doing this. It is teaching our girls that no matter what…. you can always try for your dream. You can always pick yourself up and shoot for the stars. There was a saying on something that said shoot for the moon because even if you miss, you’ll land on the stars.

I am that wife tho. I am that wife who will fight for his dream. I am that wife, that even tho I have serious anxiety issues, will go to any event. Mingle with anyone to help him grow in this business. I am that wife who will make 96 treats for the training class. I am that wife that will create shirts for other wrestlers so that my husbands name is out there. I am that wife that even tho I hurt, will get up and train with my husband days in and days out.

I am that wife.

That will make sure my husband gets his dream.

But that is only a portion of what life has in store for us.

I wrote about my inlaws being complete idiots. Favoring one child over the other. Then blaming said child and myself instead of owning up to their own mistakes. it got to the point that my husband attempted to take a restraining order out on them. What caused this? The fact that his father was sitting at the top of our driveway in a car that we didn’t recognize and waited. He waited til my husband came home and then followed him into our driveway and proceeded to try to intimidate him. The judge didn’t side with us. Instead, the judge said theres no law against being a jerk. So yay. We have proceeded to have no contact with them.

That is….until I ran into my FIL in the store. Where he continued trying to tell me how bad a person I am. How all of this is my fault. How his son wouldn’t do any of this. That I was making my husband do all of this. Let’s just say that caused a major anxiety attack. I am not big on confrontation. I just don’t like it. So dealing with that was quite annoying.

But I cannot let idiots steer us away from protecting our family and striving for our dreams. If I let every anxious situation determine what I am going to do or be, I would probably never leave my room. So here is putting my FIL behind me and moving towards being the wife of a professional wrestler. It will be our second greates adventure. The first is being a parent.

Toxic People

Okay so yesterday I posted about how my FIL has decided to show who he really is….

Although it is new to me, it is not new to anyone else that knows him. Like His son and ex. So maybe I should have listened almost a decade (ish) ago when my husband said he doesn’t really care to have a relationship with his father.

My bad.

I didn’t have a father. So I thought if my husband has the opportunity to have a relationship with his…he should take it…

it totally backfired in my face.

Joy.

But after the fall out that happened at my youngest daughters birthday party via text messages with my FIL…. he had decided to stop talking to me. I even sent him a simple text about apologies and haven’t heard anything from him. And that was almost a week ago.

Honestly, I don’t care. So he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.

That is just fine. I no longer have to deal with him. or worry about what I should or shouldn’t say in front of him. Or try not to offend him since we do not have the same religion.

It is so much easier when toxic people stop talking to you… it is like the trash taking itself out…. As in I didn’t have to do anything in regards to the disconnection of communication.

But they are still bothering my husband so I do still have to deal with it a little bit 😦

Stand Your Ground!

Because of my anxiety, I kind of let people push me around. I am one of the most helpful people around. I literally help anyone I can. To the point that people take advantage and abuse it. That is usually when my husband steps in and is like hey they’re always asking you to bail them out and you’re always there to bail them out. How will they ever learn? Which is true and when I sit back after that conversation and reflect on things… I usually then stand my ground and say hey, no more.

Something happens when you become a mom. Your whole world shifts for this little person you created. And you become a momma bear. Have you ever made your mom mad? So mad that you see a vein come out in their forehead??? yeah. That is when you know its for real. Well thats where this story ends up at. My momma bear instincts coming out full force.

Here’s a little back story….. I have been with my husband going on 9 years. I am of German and Irish decent. I have a German temper and Irish rage as my brother puts it. So when my husband and I decided we wanted to be more than friends, I let him know that I am a bitch. Because I am. I can be really bitchy. I let my anxiety push me around which allows others to use me but when I get to my breaking point. I am a BITCH. full force.

Now, 9 years later my husband and I have two beautiful daughters. We’ve been married for almost 3 years and we are a team. We’re a pretty solid team at that. I’ve always gotten along with my father in law and only recently my mother in law. Now my FIL (father in law) is remarried and I always got along with his 2nd wife who happens to be my high school best friend’s cousin. So I thought that was cool.

My FIL was always fantastic with my oldest daughter. Ever since she turned 1 he would come see her at least once a month. He would have her over at his house. He’d take her to the park. Out to eat. you name it. And since she started school…..he would eat lunch with her whenever she had a day off.

So because he’s so great to her. I have let things slide. Because he makes some rude comments etc. However, one person can only take so much. So when he started canceling visits because only my youngest daughter was at home…. I started getting angry. He is point blank showing favortism and that isn’t right. My husband and I believe that both girls should be treated equally because neither is better than the other.

After about the fifth time of this happening… i couldn’t keep my mouth shut. So when he texted and said we’ll come another time when the oldest is there. I had it. I said what is wrong with the baby that you can’t come see just her??? You take the oldest out to eat, to the park and you eat at school with her. I said ‘we don’t show favortism and if you would like to continue seeing them I would suggest you don’t either.’

Which got me the response of basically him saying ‘come on now you’re better than that.’ In a complete condescending tone.

So I had it. I was done. I told him that for the future if he wanted to see the girls he would need to make arrangements thru his son. I am a grown adult. And I should be treated as such. His comment basically saying I am lesser of a person because I called him on his shit pissed me off. It brought out the momma bear in me.

I let it go. At that time. I was done texting him and I was done changing our plans to make sure they seen the girls. You see my oldest loves to go to her granny’s every weekend. My mom comes over during the week to see the girls and whatever. So my mom gets a lot of alone time with the baby when the oldest is in school. On the weekends… my oldest goes to my moms to have her alone time. Which I think she needed since the baby was a baby and needed extra attention. So I would post pone going to my moms or change the weekend plans all around so that my FIL and his wife could come see the girls for 20 mins. Yeah. That stopped. Momma bear was mad and Momma bear will protect her kids no matter what.

Well the other day, I was outside doing some yard work and my kids were sitting on the porch being extra cute. So I took the opportunity to snap a photo. They’re just so darn cute. My FIL’s wife decided to steal the photo and post it on her own facebook. That would have been fine. I wouldn’t have cared. Until she commented under my copy of that photo saying when can we see them.

I calmly and politely said Please feel free to contact my husband to set up a date and time. Which then prompted her to put our personal family business all over my cute photo of the girls. Using caps like she is a teenager throwing a tantrum saying We are keeping the girls from them and We are wrong and they did NOTHING wrong. So I said please private message me as this is a family matter and should not be posted on a public forum.

So she did. and threw an even bigger tantrum. I mean a serious tantrum. Yelling at me. Saying things like WHY CAN’T WE SEE THE GIRLS!!! Why are you treating us this way etc.

It was awful.

terrible.

And you see. My anxiety made me sit there and re read the messages and retype the messages over and over because I was afraid of saying something wrong. Thank you anxiety. My anxiety and my husband kept me from going full bitch mode. Even tho I really really wanted to. Just because my FIL shares DNA with my kids does not give him or his wife any….and I mean any rights to them.

What finally hit the trigger and made my anxiety go ‘well let her have it’ was when she told me. We WILL be there THURSDAY and we WILL have a visit with the girls. Basically telling me what she’s going to do at my house. MY HOUSE!

I mean my anxiety will make me do a lot of things. But it will also allow me to be a complete bitch. But my husband asked me to be nicer than I wanted to.

Yes, anxiety makes it difficult for you to stand your ground. For you to stand up to those who push you around.

BUT

when it comes to your kids. Momma bear instincts come right on out. LET THEM! Stand your ground. Do whatever you need to do to protect your kids.

I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal. favortism. But I was the favorite growing up with all my grandmothers. They loved me more and treated me different because I was the only girl. And I got a lot of shit for it too. It caused some resentment from my brothers and cousins because they had to clean or do something and I didn’t.

So I will not tolerate my girls being shown favortism over each other. It’s not right.

And this momma bear has her teeth shown and her claws ready.