You Don’t Have to be anyone’s Cure

 

Okay. Well this is a saying that I personally have a hard time putting into effect. You are not obligated to be anyone’s cure. Especially if you suffer from a mental illness.

The thing is. You are already battling your own mind. 24/7. You are the strongest person around just by getting up and fighting the same battle that kept you up last night. So why should you be anyone else’s cure.

 

See. I cannot help it. Personally. I have this inner urge to save anyone and everyone. I have actually dated someone because a part of me felt like I could save them. And it was a waste of time. You cannot save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. Just like you can’t help someone unless they want to help themselves.

The rational part of me thinks ‘hey, I have my own family to worry about. The only people that should be on my priority list are my kids, my husband followed by my mom and nephews/nieces. (because well they’re kids, you should always have time for kids.) I am actually extremely close to my nephews. I treat them as if they were my own kids.

But the irrational part of me thinks ‘I can do this! I can help EVERYONE’ even though the more I push myself, the more I am damaging not only my mental health but my physical health as well. Because it never fails, the people who are always calling for help…..always call late at night or early in the wee hours of the morning. And I feel obligated to go. They need me. They have no one else. And here my friends is where I allow myself to be used.

It actually has taken a lot of time to grow a backbone to say NO. I cannot do it. I have other obligations. My family comes first. And even now….. that I can say no… It takes a while for me to get to that point. I think that it is the empathy part of me that just gives and gives and gives. But when I start feeling like they are abusing my empathy, my trust, my helping hand and become greedy…. that is when I say no. I pull back. I stop being that person for them. Then I kick myself for being too ‘mean’ but sometimes tough love is needed (or at least that is what my mom says)

 

Although you, or I, feel like we can save the world. That we should save the world. We are not obligated to be anyone’s cure. we are, however, obligated to take care of ourselves first because you cannot fill anyone else’s cup if you’re running on empty. We are like a car. We cannot run if we don’t have the gas.

So……even if it is just for 5 minutes… Try to take those 5 minutes to relax and recharge your batteries.

Feeling Sorry

 

I think one of my biggest flaws is my empathy.

Which is weird because my oldest brother has no empathy at all. He can punch someone and break their nose. And he will never feel sorry about it. Like ever. He has done a lot of crappy things and he never thinks twice about them. It is awful.

Me on the other hand. I feel all kinds of emotions. All the time. Not only that. But I feed off other emotions as well. If I am around someone and they’re having some type of emotion. I feel it. It becomes my emotion. It is the worst thing in the world because if I am around too many people with too many emotions it is disastrous for my anxiety and mental health.

But the worst thing about empathy. Is you can and probably will feel sorry for assholes. Or feel their emotions along with your emotions. it is the worst thing in the world.

For instance, my oldest brother can be an asshole. To a lot of people. A lot of the time. But I love him a lot. Enough so that I feel sorry for him and with him and I want to help him. Which I do. For a lot of people. No matter how many times I get burned.

And every single time I get burned. I get bummed. I get down and my mental health suffers from it.

But the next time I do the same exact thing. I feel for them and I put myself out there. It is a vicious circle. And I don’t know how to get out of it because when I do stand up and speak out, I feel like the asshole.

 

Just a random rant.

Blessing and curse

Someone named David Jones once said “It is a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply”

Sometimes I feel like he was speaking about me. I feel everything so deeply. My emotions are on my sleeves. Scratch that. they’re on my fingertips. that is how much I feel. It doesn’t help that I feel other peoples emotions as well. If someone around me is sad… I get sad.

I am extremely empathetic

When my friends and family feel something. I cannot help but feel it too.  It also forces me to try my hardest to fix whatever it is that makes them feel that way. When they’re having a bad day… I feel like I start having a bad day. I don’t know how to really explain it. (So if you have some insight on it…please fill me in)

It is a blessing and a curse. I love the fact that feeling everything so deeply and feeling what others feel allows me to interpret things better. You know like knowing when they need space or when they need a hug. I can read people better than say my husband who rare shows any emotions.

It is a curse because I cannot turn it off…. Ever. And I carry it with me for the rest of the day…and if it is really strong.. I carry it for longer. They say ‘sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me’….thats a lie. Words hurt me very deeply. the person who came up with that saying obviously never felt anything as deeply as I do. Like all the time. I carry words with me. And they cut me like a knife.

How do you interpret the quote? How does it make you feel?