Stop wasting time

Sometimes, you just have to accept the truth and stop wasting your time with the wrong people. I actually can use this for multiple people. Quite easily actually. And I seem like a bitch because of it. Or at least that is the word on the streets right now.

So…. lets see.

there is a certain someone in my life. Well a few certain someones who…..as the lyrics from the band ISSUES says “you only call when I wanna pay Maxed out plastic guess you’l’l be on the way” So I only hear from these certain people when they want me for something. Either they want money or they want me to do something. And I have broken my back and my bank account to help them. Literately. Gone broke helping them. when I should have said no. Should have stopped and should have let them fall instead of trying to constantly be the hero… Another ISSUES song says ‘I never said I was your GD superman” I feel that way ALOT. like ALOT!!!!!! I don’t hear from them as much. And one of them in particular, my older brother, gets upset that I have a better relationship with our other brother than I do with him. The middle brother NEVER asks me for money… EVER!!!! When he wants something…..he will text ‘hey’ and its usualy hey can you watch the boys because they gotta work or can you watch the boys so i can have a date night. (sometimes its to go christmas shopping etc) The majority of our conversations include sending youtube links back and forth for music we want the others to listen to. SERIOUSLY. I have tried that with the older brother….and he ignores me. But he’s quick to text me to ask for money or to help him with food bills gas cigs alcohol or to try to make me feel guilty beause I said NO. I went broke helping my brother and considering that I am not working and my husband is the sole bread winner.. I feel extremely guilty that we’ve gone broke helping him. Especially when my husband and brother don’t have the greatest relationship. He’s always tried to intimidate my husband especially when we got pregnant with our first. Because I’m “babysister” I think it is just time that I accept the truth… and let my brother in his 30’s fall and learnn how to fix for himself.
The other person…..is my in law and his wife.
This is a complicated story. Okay….so my brother, the middle one, worked with my FIL years ago. my brother like my FIL….. they got a long great….. And when I met him… They were quick to invite me to dinner and text me and try to make me feel like family and I was like cool. My husband (boyfriend at the time) had a dad that was accepting etc….. But my husband wasn’t too happy with them….at all. Barely talked to them anything. And I tried to get the story but my husband was like its personal its complicated its……. And while my husband wasn’t willing to let me know what was going on……my FIL and his wife were quick to let me know what they thought about my mother in law. Constantly running her name thru the mud. And I didn’t have much of a problem with it in the beginning because my MIL was the worst. She HATED me. I mean literately HATED me!!! She told her son to stop seeing me. That is how much she hated me. But as we got to know each other more. she started softening up and turned out to be not so bad.

Welll there is a backstory there. My FIL cheated on my MIl more than once. He actually got with his current wife while still married to my MIL…… so as an only child seeing all of this going on and my FIL wasn’t ever really there for my husband…never did father son activities or anything. I now understand why my husband didn’t want anything to do with his dad….. But I didn’t know that then…. So I pushed… I pushed my husband to have a relationship with his dad… I pushed him to let our kids have a relationship with his dad. All was fine until the favoritism of the oldest kid started happening. Then the FIL and his wife took a stance that it was my fault. That my husband would never treat them this way if it wasnt for me…. even though you know the wife talked mad crap about my husband when she was just the mistress….. Its all so complicated and mess and wrong. I should have stayed out of it way back then……and let my husband not have a relationship like he wanted becuase then we wouldn’t have a grown man telling the mother of his grandchildren how wrong she is and blaming her in WALMART!!!! yeah… I ran into him in the store and he repeatedly told me EVERYTHING was my fault. That my husband taking a 50B was my doing. Even though, when my husband went and took the papers I WAS AT WORK!!!! I asked him how could I have taken those papers or make your son take those out when I was at work when he took them??? His respose was…. you had to come home sometime. >.< So…..it is time that we accept the truth and stop wasting our time with very bad, very toxic people.

People don’t change

This is something that I am finding to be true in regards to my in laws. I swear they are acting extremely childish and even going as far as saying ‘I will see you’ like what in the world.

All because we have stopped catering to their wants of only seeing the oldest child when and how they want. It is unfair to our younger kid and they do not even recognize that they are doing it. They actually have turned it around and blaming our oldest kid, that because she has come to me and saying that she knows that she is their favorite is why we’re being this way. Mind you she came to me way after I called them out on it. I hadn’t even mentioned it to her. But she had been asking and talking about favorites for a few days so…. it make sense.

But I cannot actually say that my father in law has changed. Because well my husband isn’t surprised about this. My mother in law, my FIL ex, isn’t surprised bout the way that they’re acting.

However, to me, since our youngest was born, it is completely new. I mean when our oldest was born, she was the light of his life. I swear he was the most doting grandfather I have seen and I haven’t really seen many grandfathers since both of mine passed away before I was 9. I mean he was always taking pictures of her. He was always texting about her, even when I was pregnant. He wanted to know how she was doing. How the pregnancy was going etc. When she turned one he wanted to take her to his house to the park out to eat show her off to his family EVERYTHING.

But nothing about the second kid. He never even asked to take her anywhere. At all. Not even when she turned one. it was like she doesn’t matter. And since I was the favorite out my siblings. I know how much resentment can build up over one child being a favorite over the other so I am very against this happening. So of course I call him on it. and well all of this has happened.

To top it off….. he has even questioned the manlyness of my husband. Implying that I am taking my husbands phone and texting him…..when I have my own phone and no desire of taking my husbands.

But this is all new to me. But It isn’t new for him to be this way. Everyone else isn’t surprised. He hasn’t changed. He has just revealed himself for who he really is. And now I wish I didn’t waste all my time catering to him over the years because now…. we’re apparently ‘dancing with the devil’ because we have stopped letting them see the girls until they apologize for being disrespectful to us as the kids’ parents.

Running into the past

When my husband’s best friend passed away quite suddenly 7 years ago, his not so great friend decided that was his opportunity to swoop in and try to fill the void of best friend.

And since my husband was in mourning……he didn’t really notice it while I did and so did my mother in law.

This was before we were married.

This was when we were just dating. This was even before I got pregnant.

Now what makes this such a bad friend???

Let me count the ways….

Well lets see. him and his wife encouraged my husnand to lie to me. On a regular basis. They encouraged him to seek other females when I started to put my foot down to their shinanigans. And they have lied about me quite often. Going as far as telling people that I beat my husband, that I gave my husband an STD and that they had to have the cops physically remove me from their property… Which was all a lie. Such a dangerous, disgusting lie. For one, the only time I have ever…. EVER swung on my husband when it wasn’t a playful wrestling was once when I was in a major panic attack.. He wasn’t around when it started so I had my head down. I was in a ball. And he snuck up on my and grabbed me from behind it what he thought was a hug and I thought was something more violent so I swung my elbow back and caught his shoulder. I did not have an std or give my husband an std. What wouldn’t they say to keep him under their thumb. They never had to call the cops on me. What really happened was they caused so many arguments between us that they had eventually worn him down and convinced him to move out and leave me while I was at work. I knew he was there and I sat in their parking lot because they were in an apartment complex. I texted him saying come tell me to my face that you’re leaving and he woulnd’t so I punched my car which was an older car and was all metal. I did, however, damage my hand and screamed ‘fuck’ because it hurt. Then I got in my car and went home. Without the cops showing up and without them removing me from their property. Lies, Lies and more lies.

Now if those examples don’t show you how bad these people were… Leave me a comment because I can give you a lot more of how toxic these people are. They literally will suck you dry and then drop you like a hot potato to find someone else to drain.

So after the hiatus between me and my husband. We decided that we were meant to be together…. I know that is cliche. We had started getting together once a week to have a lunch with our daughter because I grew up without a dad. and I didn’t want my kid to experience the same thing. So after two or three weeks we decided we should try again and it has been great. I thought that I would be the bigger person and try to just be civil with these monsters. So we took our daughter to see them on her 2nd birthday. And they talk to my husband and my daughter but completely ignore me and acts like I am not even there. That is when I knew that they were completely toxic, that they didn’t deserve my time and that I owed them absolutely NOTHING!!! Because I never did. They never helped me even tho I have bent over backwards for them. So I said screw them and my husband followed suit.

Now since then they have blamed me for taking their cash flow, I mean their friend… let me explain. We had just started back dating and I was at his moms with him… when he received a text message from said friend that said ‘can you pay my $400 light bill’ my husband’s check was barely $500 and he had a car payment and a child to help raise so how in the hell or why would he even contemplate paying another family’s light bill when he doesn’t even live there baffles me to this day.

I thought we were done with these people until last year when my daughter started school and just so happened to be in the same class as their youngest daughter. I could tolerate seeing her at parent events. Whatever. I am not that petty. But what I would not stand for was the wife coming to lunch with her daughter and taking that time to question my daughter about how she is, how her sister is and how their dad is as well as telling her that they have photos of her dad they would love to show her one day… UHM HELL NO. The bitch in me went the fuck off. I’m sorry for my vulgar language but I am a momma bear. You do not question my daughter. EVER. So my husband decided to send the wife a very lengthy message about said actions because I was such a hot head that if I got involved…..there probably would be a restraining order against me.

Now you see… they are not good for my mental illness. I don’t think any toxic person is. Seriously. They make you go insane…..So I have made a choice of avoiding them at all cost. I mean I don’t go out of my way to not see them. I do however, IGNORE the hell out of them. I pretend they don’t exist if I see them anywhere.

So, this long rant leads me to today….when I am at Wal-Mart looking for stuff for a project and I see this chick holding an LOL ball which are expensive. This chick is like super skinny. I mean like really really sickly skinny and has a hood on so I cannot see exactly who it is and I have been known to strike up random conversations with customers at stores. Comes from working in fast food I guess. So I am walking past and I see this chick holding this insanely expenisve small toy and I say ‘those LOL balls are expensive as shit”

It is when this person stands up and turns towards me that I realize I had done fucked up. It was the wife. I am pretty sure that she could tell exactly what I was thinking as she started to talk I walked right away. Now I wasn’t raised to be rude but I was like NOPE.

And that is exactly what I did. I noped it right out of there. Moved on as fast as I could without looking back. Why? Because knowing these people…..they would take this accidental statement as an invitation back into our lives and I have had my fill of sould sucking vermon.

Thanks for listening 🙂