Being a parent is one of life’s greatest joys. I have said a million times that being a mom is one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. My girls are little right now. They’re both under the age of ten. And when something happens in their day to day life, they make a big deal out of it. Even the tiniest of things like dropping their fork on the floor can bring about the biggest meltdowns. However, you have to listen to these moments and not just brush them off.
If you don’t listen to the little things when they are little then they won’t tell you the big things when they’re big. There are going to major milestones in your kids lives. I don’t know about you, but I want to hear about every single thing that happens. If you dismiss the things that they feel are big to them now, then they will be uncomfortable later on when they really need to talk to someone like their parents.
Personally, I am not comfortable about talking about sex to anyone other than my best friend and my husband. I literately have never had a sex talk with my mom. I believe that she thought I hadn’t had sex until she found out I was pregnant. Its just not a comfortable topic. It took me eleven years for me to tell my mom that I had been sexually abused at the age of five.
I don’t want my kids to feel the way I did. I want them to be able to come talk to me. To create an environment where they are comfortable talking to me about their big milestones all through their life…. I have to listen to them now. Even if means that they are having a meltdown about dropping a fork or breaking a crayon. Sometimes we forget that our kids emotions are important.
While it may seem insignificant to us as adults, it is important to them. They are dealing with big emotions and they will feel ignored and a burden if we brush their feelings off. I understand that we sometimes are so overwhelmed with our daily life…. but as parents, we need to just take a second to listen to what is going on in our kids lives. Sometimes that means listening to how two toys are having an argument.
Think about it. Especially if you have anxiety or any other mental illness. How more comfortable would you be talking about your feelings if your parents were more open and listening to you as a child? I am not blaming my mom for any of my mental illness. She is one of the few who actually believe me and doesn’t say its just in my head. I can just get over it. She actively tries to calm me down on a day to day basis. However, she worked all the time. She was a single parent. And I didn’t want to burden her with my feelings. And my oldest brother used to call me a big baby if I talked about the way I felt, so I just held it in. And holding it in became my comfort zone.
But I do not want my children to have that mindset. I want them to come to me with anything that they are feeling or dealing with. I want them to feel comfortable talking to me about the big things because I want to be apart of that. I don’t want them to feel like they have to hide things from me.
To ensure that my kids are comfortable talking to me I need to listen to them now. While they are little. It is so simple. Just LISTEN to your kids. And Don’t brush off their emotions like they’re nothing because to your kids, its not small. Its big to them so it needs to be big to you too.
I am a mother of two beautiful girls. I am a husband to an amazing wrestler in training and I have severe anxiety.
This blog is my outlet.
My way of expressing what gives me anxiety. What parenting with anxiety is like..
It is a place where I can just write what I want. Maybe I want to review something…. Maybe I wanna share a recipe…. Or maybe I wanna tell you what it is like to parent with anxiety.
There is no telling what my next post is going to be about. And I LOVE IT
There will always be something that I will feel something strongly about. That there is something I can write about.
Do I hope that there will be readers? Of course I do. Do I wish I could turn my blog into my full time income like you constantly see people bragging about? YES. Do I LOVE having an outlet to describe the things that cause my anxiety or how to cope with anxiety…parenting with anxiety…parenting in general or anything else??? YESSSS.
I have debated writing this for weeks now. Because I don’t want to sound like I am ungrateful or that I didn’t have a good time. I know the people who work with and for the Wrestlecade weekend and I know that they work really hard to ensure that the fans have a great time and that they put on a great show. The entire weekend was amazing. I am not questioning that at all. I loved it. However, I am someone who suffers from severe anxiety and this weekend was no exception…..
Wrestlecade has been happening for a couple years now. Wrestlecade is a jam packed weekend following Thanksgiving. It is a three day weekend. Holy cow is it always so full of action. It is a wrestling fans dream.
So…. here is the thing. I don’t do crowds. Or at least very well. I can get kind of claustrophobic in crowds and sometimes I have been known to hide in the restroom trying not to cry. The first day of Wrestlecade was no different. Another thing is I really haven’t done any wrestling events without my husband standing right beside me. He’s my rock and keeps me calm. He some how senses the change in my body language and calms me down greatly. However, my husband wasn’t able to be by my side for Wrestlecade weekend. You see, my husband is training to be a wrestler and was apart of the Wrestlecade staff that weekend. Which meant that I was a fan, in all the lines, alone….
So the first day of Wrestlecade is on Black Friday. Which is fine with me because that means I am not spending money in overly crowded stores. I actually only use Black Friday to get really cheap DVD’s. The doors opened at 4PM so me being me decided to get there by 3PM because well…. I didn’t know how the traffic was going to be and didn’t want to get stuck. I also wanted to make sure that I got good parking near the facility so that when I left that evening I wouldn’t have far to walk since I was going to be walking to a parking garage alone at night. I have watched way too many crime shows to know that bad things can happen in parking garages at night alone especially if you’re a female.
Well I get there, see my husband before he has to go back to work. I then go stand where the crowd is. I have never been to a Wrestlecade before so I wasn’t sure exactly what I was supposed to be doing. So I just stood there alone in against a wall…. Then this old couple came and stood beside. And they started complaining because the first day was going to be upstairs. Then there was going to a day where events were happening on both upstairs and downstairs and the final day would be upstairs. However, this was not listed on the website which then caused the old people to go on quite a long rant about it. Because it was not plainly listed on the website what rooms or where the events were going to be. Which sounded like something you should be complaining about. I mean as a wrestling fan, wouldn’t you just be excited about seeing A LOT of wrestling.
I figured out what I needed to do and where to get my ticket band etc. Then I got in line with everyone else. And I stood there alone… with a little kids pushing my bag into my back….the back that still bothers me from the wreck. I was alone in the line. Trying so hard not to have a panic attack. Trying so hard to be strong. Trying so hard not to cause a scene or make my husband look bad. This is his world and I don’t want to ruin it for him. At all. He does so much for me. He is such an amazing guy. I really want to make sure that he has everything. That he has all the opportunities in the world. So no one in the line wanted to talk to me…. No matter how hard I tried to talk to anyone. They all kind of gave me like one worded responses and then went back to talking to whoever they were with or back to their phones. The wait in the line was LONG. And I don’t do very well standing still. It hurts my hips, back and feet. I know…. I sound like I am just falling apart. I pretty much am. For some reason I have Plantar fasciitis and it flares up quite a bit.
So there I was feeling alone and in my head. It isn’t very pretty inside my head sometimes. Especially when you feel alone, and rejected because people standing in line don’t want to talk to you. So the doors are finally opened and we get to go in and find our seats. So I try to find a seat where I can get some good photos because I feel better behind my camera. But my anxiety was at that extreme point that I wasn’t even feeling like I could take any photos. I was at the point of feeling so closed in and claustrophobic that I was crying and trying to stop crying. I didn’t want to look at my husband. I didn’t want him to know that I was in the middle of an attack or that I was crying because I knew he would have left his post to come to my rescue. He is always coming to my rescue. So I tried so hard to pay attention to the action. And it was a good show. It really was awesome. There is something about independent wrestling that is amazing. It isn’t like the WWE. Independent wrestling like that at Wrestlecade has more freedom. They can be over the top. They can have silly stories or they can have more high flying action than that you see on the WWE. It is just more fan focused. Like they are paying more attention to what we want even if it wasn’t according to plan. The wrestlers will literately change their story or whatever if they think the fans are not enjoying it. I love the indy scene. It is pretty awesome.
However, I was having a pretty bad panic attack and was extremely exhausted at that point. So I left early. I went home. And when I got home… After saying hi to the kids and hugging them. I went in the shower and cried. I let out all of the anxiety and panic that I had tried to hide at the show. But my husband knew. He always knows. He worried the rest of the evening about how I was doing. Which then made me feel worst. Because I wanted him to enjoy being apart of the event.
Since I had that complete meltdown…. I literately got like 2 or 3 hours of sleep. But still wanted to get up and go to the second day of the event. I wanted to show my husband support and I did buy a three day ticket and I really don’t like wasting money. I can be very frugal. Extremely frugal at times. I spend more money on others than I do myself and that can be a downfall. So Saturday was fan fest. Which is really cool. There are a lot of legends that are there. You have the opportunity to meet and greet with all of them. Which is pretty AWESOME. As a wrestling fan…. being able to see all of those legends in the same room at one time is so amazing. A fans dream come true. However, again, I represent my husband. Therefore, I did not lose my cool. I held my composure. And tried not to have a panic attack over being stuck in a small room full of people who happened to bump into me multiple times. I swear I was invisible. Like they could not see me. Therefore just decided to run me over. I then got a message from my mother who was watching our girls for us….. my youngest was not being the best. Therefore, I walked out of the room to do a video call to scold my girl and tell her to behave. After that… I met up with one of our friends who was also kind of sorta working the event but wasn’t assigned to any of the legends so he was free to hang out with me. That made my anxiety feel a lot better. Having someone to talk, to hang out with. Made me feel a little bit at ease. However, after the fan fest we had to go downstairs for the big wrestling event. Where I had to stand in a very long line for a very long time…..surrounded by some fans who were not my favorite people to be standing by. Now I love wrestling fans…they are some of the best people. However, it was something about this one set that kind of sat wrong with me.
The long wait standing non stop hurt. It doesn’t help that I wanted to be fashionable and cute because I represent my husband and I wore shoes that were cute but not comfortable. If your shoes are not comfy and cause you pain…then the rest of your body will be in pain….which it was. I also noticed that my phone battery was extremely LOW and one of the last messages I had gotten from my mother was that my girls were warm and also had no drinks left…. and then my battery DIED. Not even half way into the event. So….Motherhood comes first and I ditched the show. And missed probably the best matches. I mean Vampiro did a casket match and so many other great matches. My husband was doing a job where he couldn’t check his phone so once I got to my car and plugged my phone up… I messaged our friend to let him know…. Saturday was one better for me on the sense of mental illness. It is also the busiest day of Wrestlecade. I think the most fans come out for this. So while I didn’t have as big of an attack as Friday, I was still very anxious.
Sunday was mostly wrestling. As in there were two different promotions running. There was Queens of Combat which is an all female promotion which I thought was badass and then there was the event that I was excited about which was the AML Wrestling event. I thankfully managed to get in line around fans who were really open and talkative and really cool. Then I ended up sitting next to one of those fans for the event which really helped me out. It also helped that my husband actually worked my section. So I got to be near him as well. Which was amazing and I loved it.
I swear I love the independent wrestling scene. Wrestlecade was an amazing event and I think that the people who put it together are fantastic. They work really hard to put on a great show. I would most def recommend it to anyone and everyone. Especially if you’re a wrestling fan. However, it only takes place in North Carolina. But I swear it is worth the travel. It is worth it. I debated on writing this because I didn’t want to make it sound like the event was bad. Like it wasn’t a good event. Because it was so amazing. I loved it…. This post was more about my anxiety. My crazy, awful anxiety that sometimes scares the crap out of me. I need to let the wrestling people into my world. I need to open up to them because they’re apart of my husbands world and maybe, just maybe if I do…then I won’t feel so anxious.
Now for a post about a personal opinion. So please when you read this, please take it with a grain of salt. My opinion doesn’t mean that it is your opinion. It does not mean that what I am writing about is fact. It is simply just my opinion and things that I think about.
So with that being said.
Please, as a parent…..teach your kids MANNERS!
I have seen way too many kids not understand the basic concept of a single excuse me. Thank you. Please.
I have seen kids throw tantrums in stores and yelling at their parents.
I have seen kids push and shove other kids and adults to get what they want.
I remember growing up if I was rude to someone in the store (without proper reasoning) I was in trouble.
I mean you don’t have to teach your kids to worship the ground that everyone else walks on. But simply teaching them the basic manners so that they’re not a bunch of entitled jerks would be great. I mean if we could all teach our kids manners. That they aren’t entitled to respect without giving respect…. then maybe we can change the world. I know it seems like a long shot. But it is a simple idea.
That is my thought for the day. I would love to see more kids with manners. Showing respect to get respect in return… I understand that the adults need to show the kids respect also. It is a full cirlce. Show respect to get respect.
Honestly, who has voicemail messages these days? I mean as a teenager I used to put music as my message. Or one of those silly hey…..yeah you got my voicemail. leave a message. However, now its just ‘you have reached…..’ That is it. But it should really say ‘NO I cannot answer, I have kids, just text me like a normal person.’ I honestly don’t call unless its for an important reason, school, doctors or an emergency. Everytime I get a phone call from a number I don’t know… I either don’t answer or answer skeptically. And then I can barely ever hear what the other person is saying because I GOT KIDS. Do you know anyone with exceptionally quiet kids? Mine can be… occasionally. Either they’re playing loudly, telling me stories, asking me questions or fighting with each other. Do you really want to hear that in the background? And is it really safe to walk to a quiet place to have said phone conversation?And leave two kids by themselves especially when they’re fussing over the same toy even though they both have the same exact toy??? Nope!
I text everyone. I even text my oldest teacher. She is amazing. She moved up a grade with my kid. So this is her second year with her. She had her for both first and second grade and she tells the parents at the beginning of the year, if you have free texts, I will text you updates and important information. Since I knew we were going to have the same teacher again, said teacher actually sent me the school list in July so that we could beat out the stupid back to school shopping crowd. Yeah she is that amazing. And if they do something amazing i class like meet the Bojangles Chicken….she’ll send photos to us. She is amazing.
I am getting way off topic here. If you need me…..text. Don’t call. Because I am likely going to send you to voicemail and the voicemail really needs to tell you just to text. Heck, I don’t even call my husband unless I need to. Unless I have texted 20 times with no answer…. this actually happens. He is one of those that never pays attention to his phone. so he doesn’t always know when I have texted. I always text with my brother. We don’t have really deep conversations and it is usually about music. or the kids or something like that. However, if he calls…. I usually jump to the assumption that something has happened. He doesn’t ever call me unless it is too much to text or it is an emergency. HAHA so I usually, probably because of my anxious brain, jump to the conclusion something has happened. He works pretty much 12 hours 6 days a week so he doesn’t really have a lot of time to talk on the phone and he has been working this type of schedue for 13 years. So I have always just texted or IM’d him. We are not a big talker. I don’t really call my mom unless it is too much to text or an emergency. We do, however, text and talk every single day. I do face time her quite a bit because the girls love to face time their granny.
But seriously….. We live in an age where you can TEXT. Unless it is an important an emergency please just TEXT me.
Having a family is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I love my kids and I love my husband. They are my entire world. Daddy, is the name of the person that my kids walk right past to get to mommy. My husband works all the time and he is like the support beam of the house. He is the one that takes care of the financial aspects of our family.
However, in all families, the word mama, momma, mom, mommy or any other forms of the word is simply the glue that holds everything together even when she feels like she may fall apart. A mom is a great actor. She can pretend like there is nothing bothering her. She isn’t in pain. She isn’t sad. She is the one who has the brave face. She is the one who gets the kids up and ready for school . She is the one who makes sure everytone has a clean pair of underwear. She is the one who makes sure you have a warm meal in your tummy. She is the one who helps with the homework. Listens to the complaints of the day. Deals with the tantrums. She handles every battle every single day without a single complaint.
For me, being a stay at home is my job. It is a job that never ends. It is the best job that I have ever had. It is the best job I will ever have. Yes, I have an anxiety disorder. Yes I have panic attacks. But I have also mastered the art of pulling myself out of them and not having one in front of my kids. They don’t need that fear, that worry. I am the glue that holds my family together. Therefore, I cannot publically fall apart. That is the purpose of my shower time. I am the glue that handles the sibling spats. I am the glue that listens to my husbands day. I am the glue that helps my kids with their chores and homework. I am the glue that makes sure my husband has everything he needs for work and for training. I am the glue.
So if you’re a dad, brother, nephew, son….thank the mothers in your life. Being the glue….isn’t an easy job.
What is your earliest memory? Mine would happen to be when we lived in Idaho near my moms family. I am not sure which was the very first memory but Idaho would have to be my first childhood memories. I remember my brothers going outside and making Barney footprints in the snow around our house before I got up so that I woud believe that barney came and visited our house… I remember chasing a rainbow thru the country trying to find the pot of gold at the end. I remember having breakfast with my mom and grandpa almost every week. I remember when I got my bike I wanted the training wheels off after a day or two because I was ‘too big’ for them and could do it without them. I remember when that bike got stolen, going to my grandpa’s to find a brand new big girl bike waiting for me. I remember my grandpa always telling me to grab the paper towels to clean up the pee of his elderly dog, whom I cherished. I remember meeting my grandma who had Alzheimer and her thinking I was my mom. I didn’t get to know her too well, she was sick and passed not too long later. I remember having group birthday parties. If you had a birthday in the same month, we held just one party. It was easier. I remember going to my aunts to make holiday cookies or having Thanksgiving at my uncles. I remember my uncles goat chasing me up a hay stack creating a life long hatred of goats. I remember one of my aunts scolding me for making a mess with a PB&J sandwich which caused a life long dislike of jelly and anything sticky. There are so many memories that I have of that place. We didn’t move back to my hometown until I was 5 almost 6. I honestly only had about 3 to 4 years with my moms family but they’re my earliest memories. Honestly, when we moved back home…. are some of the worst childhood memories. Suffering sexual abuse at the age of 5/6 was extremely terrible and difficult thing to cope with. It took about 11 years to open up about it to my family. That was very hard to do. But that is not what this post is about.
However, every day we are making deposits in the memory banks of or kids. Every day we have the opportunity to create a happy memory. A happy childhood. A happy thought. Happy kids turn into happy adults. Now that is not saying that you can’t discipline your kids, that you cannot correct them when they’re wrong or that you have to fake a life where you are constantly happy. It is saying that take time to do something with your kids that will create a happy memory for them. Do you want them to grow up remembering their childhood where mommy/daddy worked all the time and never read a good night story. Never baked cookies with them. Never sang songs with them? A childhood where they only saw their parents stress? Memories of their parents scolding them at every turn?
Yeah I don’t want my kids to think that either. Yes, I can be a strict parent and I can be a lax parent. I can get on the floor and pretend to be a horsey while the kids ride pretending to be cowgirls. We try to have an equal line. When the time warrants strict rules or punishments, then that is the parents that we are. However, we like to talk to our kids to explain what they did was wrong and discuss what they could do instead. We usually ask our oldest ‘now what is a different way you could have ….. ‘ because it shows her that she has different options in regards to her behavior and that she is making the decision to act out. Our girls know the basic rules. Even when we’re playing with them. They know there are rules. But we enjoy playing with them. We jump on the trampoline with them. We horse play in the living room floor. We throw blankets and pillows on the floor and lounge around with popcorn and drinks to watch some cartoon movie for the hundreth time. We make holiday cookies on Christmas and Easter. WE go swimming as a family. WE do family projects together. For instance, our house doesn’t have a fireplace for Santa to come down. And the oldest believes he squeezes thru the door. But she wishes we had a fireplace so that Santa could come deliver presents like he does in the movies….. So with construction paper…. we made a fireplace on the wall by the tree. Above the fireplace is paper lights that we also created as a family. Everyone helped, even the 2 year old. It didn’t take but maybe an hour to get everything together. But it was an hour that was spent as a family. TOGETHER. Creating a happy memory in the memory banks of our kid. Creating a tradition that they will remember and maybe pass on to their children. Like spending Christmas Eve dinner at my husbands mom is a happy tradition. Like going to an Easter Egg Hunt at my brothers EVERY SINGLE YEAR and then going out to eat as a family somewhere, most likely Chili’s.
It really doesn’t have to be an extravagent gesture to create a happy memory for your kids. It could be saying a good night song every night. Or in my oldest daughters case, it is the good night kisses. First on the cheeks. Then eskimo kisses and then butterfly kisses. Simple little things that are really going to stick with them. That lets them know you love them. That lets know that you care. It is beneficial for them as well as yourself. As parents, we are natually stressed. Think of these moments as a break from the stress. A tiny moment where you can put bills and money out of your head just for a few moments. It will be worth it.