Security blanket

I grew up in a broken home. The papa roach song broken home hit pretty hard. for the LONGEST time I didn’t know that every kids was supposed to have a mom and a dad. I didn’t know that I had a dad. Because my mom refused to talk bad about him. Even though she had EVERY right to. He was an abusive alcoholic. He was mentally and physically abusive and my mom was with him for 10 years before leaving. Why? Because I was born. If he could physically harm the boys….what was he capable of doing to a girl? My mom didn’t want to stay around to find out what he would do to me. Other than smacking me as a baby, hard, and neglecting to change my diaper for a whole weekend….(only because court ordered visitations) My mom got out with three kids. She did it. She is my hero. I don’t know if you know how hard it is to leave an abusive relationship. So many people don’t get out. But my mom did. They remained married, but seperated, until my dad’s death in 2017. However, growing up, we didn’t hear my mom bad mouth my dad. She wanted us to make our own judgement. My brothers couldn’t stand him. They tried to give him a chance maybe once. I know the middle child tried once and then was done. My oldest brother lived with our dad when he was 18 for a few months. I, however, tried my hardest to know my dad.

But because my mom never once bashed my father, especially with everything that he had done to her, to us kids, made me respect my mom even more.

I honestly believe that the best security blanket that a child can have is parents who respect eachother. This is easy in a healthy relationship like mine and my husbands… I would not do anything that would disrespect my husband because I have too much respect for him. I weigh every decision that I make on my kids first, me and my husband second and then myself. However, this is even more important in single parents. When my oldest brother ran away….he ran to my dad who lived at state away. My mom and I along with my moms friend drove down to get him. This would be one of the first times I am seeing my dad since I was 2. I am my mothers daughter all the way around. I have a fiery soul. Which I guess could be because the Irish and German heritage and the auburn hair I was born with. So the first time we meet up with my dad…. I am told to give him a hug. That’s not a problem…. Its as he’s rubbing his stubbly beard across my head that he calls me ‘his babygirl’ being all of maybe 10 years old I quip back with ‘don’t call me that, you don’t know me.’ But that is a different story.

The real story here is the way my mother and father reacted around each other. They were so civil. They hugged. They talked. They let the past go. Even though my mom had every right to continue being pissed. To continue being hurt. To continue having resentment against the man who abused her and her children. But she didn’t. She showed my dad respect. And my dad showed my mom respect. After this trip….my mom would continue to call him periodically so that he could talk to their kids. Mostly me. My brothers remembered more than I did and didn’t really like talking to him. Each and everytime that they were on the phone with each other… They were respectful. They showed me that single parents could come together for their kids. It was a great thing. The only time my mom ever cussed on the phone to my dad was when my dad’s girlfriend (an abusive drunk who broke my dads ribs for talking to us) got on the phone and started cussing at me and my mother. That is the only time I ever heard my mom get heated towards my dad and his girlfriend. As I got older, I called my dad on my own… I had my own battle with the girlfriend….numerous times actually… Because she was just a witch. I cussed her out. I’m not proud of it now. But she tried to keep me from talking to my dad. She didn’t want him to be reminded that he had a life before her and she would spew violent nasty things to a 16 year old. So that German, Irish red head came flying out when I told her, don’t ever meet me in a dark alley….

The fact that they respected each other in my prescence showed me that my parents cared. It is a huge deal. So if you’re a single parent….. try to respect the other parent. especially in front of your kids. You loved each other once enough to procreate….try to be mindful of this because you’re kids are paying attention. They are absorbing everything that you are doing and this will in turn affect how they treat their spouse, baby daddy or baby momma whether they’re with them or not.

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Categories: anxiety, parenting

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