Killshot or Rap Devil


Alright. So I don’t usually comment on celebrity ‘beef’ because its all over the news and social media. However, the rap battle that is going on between Eminem and Machine Gun Kelly is just too good to not acknowledge. Well, at least on the Eminem part is. Killshot had me rolling, had to listen multiple times to get every diss registered.

So lets dig into this.

In 2012, MGK commented on Eminem daughter calling her hot. He was in his 20’s and she was 16. That in itself is a little weird. But it wasn’t even on Em’s radar as he mentioned on the interview with Sway. It actually goes a lot deeper than that. So much deeper but also kind of petty. Hey, I don’t really care what caused it because it brought us Killshot. Which I happen to be listening to right now.

So, MGK did a freestyle about his idol keeping him from something or another, which if you watch the sway interview, you will see that Em claims that he didn’t, that MGK wasn’t on his radar until MGK started it all.

Then came the Tech N9ne song No Reason (The Mosh Pit). At a little over two minutes into the song, MGK starts his part. His part includes:
“There’s only one option, you’re going to need a doctor I ain’t talking about the one from compton.” If I’m not mistaken, isn’t Dr. Dre from Compton, CA? The one that ‘discovered’ Eminem? The one that has been producing Em his whole career? “You think cause I wrote a pop hit I won’t pop shit” MGK is starting stuff. This is the whole reason why Em went off. Honesty, this and the tweet that I will get to late. And I don’t mean the one about hallie. “Remind ya’ll just rap not gods” Direct message to Em’s hit Rap God. Come on, if you heard the song Rap God….. you will know why it is titled Rap God. Eminem is the most skilled lyricist I have ever seen. He can bend and twist words to rhyme better than I have ever seen before.

So the tweet that I am referencing, Em actually commented on it during his interview with Sway
*Honestly If you haven’t listened to this interview, even though it is 4 parts, you really should. It is very informative and great.*
So Eminem found out about a tweet that MGK put that said you are just rap, not a god.

So Now comes Eminem’s surprise album, which I completely enjoy. The diss that ‘started it’ as some people don’t realize that MGK actually ‘sneak dissed’ Em on another song. The song is called Not Alike. Which he kind of makes fun of today’s rapper’s in it as well.
“Rap God spit lyrical bullets.” This kind of gave key that he was going to go on MGK.

“Roll up with your (gang) you’re gon’ need a arsenal cause this bar is over your head. So you better have arms if you’re gonna pull up. Oh you run the streets huh? Now you wanna come and **** with men, huh? This little &&&&-sucker, he must be feeling himself. He wants to kee up his tough demeanor. so he does a feature, decides to team up with nina. But next time you don’t gotta use teck N9ne if you wanna come at me with a sub, machine gun. And I’m talking to you, but you already know who the **** you are, kely. I don’t use sublims and sure as **** don’t sneak diss but keep on commenting on my daughter Hallie.”

So honestly, I am not a rapper, or much into the rap scene. I listen to who I like and that is about it. I have been listening to Em since Hi My name is…. I honestlly only heard about MGK when I was going to buy tickets to a Linkin Park show cause he was supposed to open for them before Chester died. So I can only give you my opinion on what the words mean and how I take them. So, if you don’t feel this way… Please don’t take offense. Let me know what you think or how you think it means or even who you think won.

So. Roll up with your gang you’re going to need an arsenal…. To me this means that MGK isn’t ready for what he’s about to get into. If you look at other battles Em has had, he has come out on top numerous times. He is directly calling out MGK for his sneak diss on twitter and the Tech N9ne song. I don’t know how many people listened to the song before Not alike came out. Because I honestly didn’t listen to it before Em said something. I went looking for it to see what he was talking about.

“Let me out a silencer on this little non-threatening blonde fairy corball taking shots at me.” Basically, he’s fixing to snuff out the beef and destroy MGK.

“Better call diddy. Just to try to get me off and you better hope I don’t call Trick Trick. #*$# this $#!+ don’t fly in our city. Punk you don’t disrepect OG’s RIP Prodigy.” Diddy is the one that produces MGK. And he’s basically saying that MGK is disrespecting the OG’s like himself.

Then MGK came out with his ‘diss’ I put that in quotations because it doesnt’ honestly sound like a diss. It’s more like a love hate song. With a hook and a chorus.

Rap Devil – MGK

I am not going to post all of the lyrics. You can find the song on Youtube. But I will post some of the ‘disses’.

“Somebody grab him some clippers, his ******* beard is weird. Tough talk from a rapper payin millions for security a year”

His beard is weird? This is the opening line?!?!? Can he grow a beard? And if you were as famous as Em with crazy fans…. wouldn’t you have security too?

“I think my dad’s gone crazy, yeah hallie you right, dad’s always mad cooped up in the studio yellin at the mic.”

Bringing up Hallie again….. not that great of an idea.

“Mad abot somethin I said in 2012 took you six years and a surprise album just to come with a diss”

The Em diss barely mentioned the fact that he, at 22 called a 16 year old hot….. It more referenced the most common events like MGK featuring in the Tech N9ne song.

the picture that he commented on was only part of the reason why Em responded. Not the whole reason for it.

“Homie we get it, we know youre the greatest raper alive.

This is supposed to be a diss song….. yet he’s complimenting him

“All you do is read the dictionary and stay inside”

How else would he grow his ability? When you want to get better at something don’t you continue to try to grow with it??

“&&&& rap god, I’m he rap devil”

If you think about the Bible, the devil was an angel who couldn’t overthrow God and is now below him (hell) so claiming that he’s the Devil is already claiming that he is beneath Em.
“Your last four albums is as bad as your selfie”

This is significant because in a few lines later you will see that he tells Em to go back to Recovery……which was 3 albums ago. Doing a fact check would be great.

“Trying to be the old you so bad you stan yourself”

Stan is an Em song about a fan that was so obsessed with him.

“Yeah I’ll acknowledge that you’re the GOAT, But I’m the Gunner, &#&# I got you in the scope”

Another compliment. GOAT stands for Greatest of All Time.
“Hello Marshall, my name’s Colson you should go back to Recover”

I put this here because He said to go back 4 albums ago….then tells him to go back to recovery. Fact checking….its easy.

“Look what you done to me. Dropped an album just because of me. Damn you in love with me.”

This is just saying that Em is obsessed with MGK… Uhm… If you actually listen to the album… you will know that Em only spent less than 2 minutes in the entire album on MGK.

Or write an apology, over the simple fact, you had to diss to acknowledge me I am the prodigy”

An apology? MGK started it with a sneak diss.

“Last time you saw 8 mile was at home on a treadmill. You were named after a candy I was named after a gangster”

This makes no sense. I understand that 8 Mile is a movie and the place that Em grew up and that he doesn’t go back there…. But to say 8 miles on a treadmile.. Man Em must be in great shape if he can run 8 miles.

The video itself doesn’t make any sense at itself. It is just doesn’t make sense. However, I commented on what I thought was bad about it the lyrics…. lets look at the other side.
Although there are some great things in the song. The fact that beginning of the song you hear someone say “Oh my god ronny” Ronny was the name of the uncle that Em was close to growing up but died. This could be a shot at Em’s heartstrings which means that MGK actually knows some facts about Em.
Going back to the security quote. While I understand why Em has the security…fans are crazy….. The good part about it in regards to the diss is that it is shining a light on the ‘flaws’ of Em’s tough guy persona.

Using actual vocals from one of Em’s song is a great jab at the person. Especially when the vocals are his daughter. Although, Em is extremely protective of his daughter. He watched her graduate from inside the school so he wouldn’t bring any attention to himself and away from her. Plus you just don’t mess with a Daddy’s girl. It’s just not a wise move. but I guess in the sense of trying to poke and diss at the other person….throwing that in there serves its purpose.

The line about calling up Trick Trick is one of the better lines consider that Trick Trick is known from an early 2000’s song Welcome to Detroit where Em called Trick to bring guns to help. This is basically saying that Em cannot fight his own battles and that he needs to call on someone else to fight them for him. While I think the response to Rap Devil won in my book. Some of the reasoning behind this are solid in the instance that its what MGK could come up with. I mean he is going against the GOAT afterall. We’ve seen how this played out before. EM is known for his Rap Battles. Thats how he started. MGK isn’t. So it’s going to be interesting to see how it eventually plays out. I kinda hope it just makes Em come out with more responses.

MGK References Em’s Cleaning out my closet in which he totes around a black shovel that he uses to bury his mom at the end of the song. This could also be why MGK carries a shovel throughout most of the video. Alluding that he is killing Em and going to bury him… (or at least he can hope)

Leave all the Beef to 50… This is referencing the feuds that 50 stood beside Em and ultimately handled himself instead of Em. Basically saying that 50 would be better to handle the beef that Em is.

Referencing Rihanna and Em’s multiple collaboration. Basically that Em is too scared. So scared that he couldn’t even ask for Rihanna number.

Bringing up his baby momma….. I don’t know how I feel about that considering how much Em has already talked about her.

NOW…. lets talk about KillShot!!!!!!

Pretty much everything in this song….. responds directly to MGK’s Rap Devil. So this song is so long….it is kind of hard to post every single response. But I will post some.. and what I think. You can find the actual song on YouTube.

“Rihanna just hit me on a text
Last night I left hickeys on her neck”

This directly responds to MGK saying he was too afraid to ask for Rihanna’s number. Basically saying, he’s not afraid.

“Wait, you just dissed me? I’m perplexed
Insult me in a line, compliment me on the next”

This goes back to what I was saying. MGK would diss him on one line and then compliment him on another like calling him the GOAT.

“Was watchin’ 8 Mile on my NordicTrack”

This goes along with MGK’s line that the last time Em saw 8 Mile was on the treadmill. As NordicTrack is a type of treadmill.

“Stan, Stan, son
Listen, man, Dad isn’t mad”

Basically Em is calling MGK a Stan which is a stalker and fan…. It isn’re realy too far of a reach considering MGK called himself a stan back in 2013.

“But how you gonna name yourself after a damn gun
And have a man-bun?”

While MGK has responded that the ‘man bun’ is because he’s an ‘actor’ and was filming. But this is one of my favorite lines from Killshot.

“Say you got me in a scope, but you grazed me
I say one call to Interscope and you’re Swayze”

This is a direct reference back to Rap Devil where MGK said that he has Em in the scope. I take the Swayze reference as in Patrick Swayze in the movie Ghost. That he would make one phone call to their record label….that they’re both signed to (more on that later) then MGK would be ‘ghost’.

“But you’re a fuckin’ mole hill
Now I’ma make a mountain out of you, woo!”

Have you ever heard the phrase make a mountain out of a mole hill. Basically meaning that you’re making something out of nothing. I take this as saying MGK is nothing. a mole hill. That EM isn’t even worried about him.

“Ho, chill, actin’ like you put the chrome barrel to my bone marrow
Gunner? Bitch, you ain’t a bow and arrow”

This is again going back to the line in Rap Devil claiming that MGK has got Em in his scope. Em is basically saying that he’s not even a gun. He’s a bow and arrow. A weapon that predates the machine gun and is far less lethal. Meaning that Em isn’t worried about MGK because there’s nothing MGK could do to phase Em.

“Are you eating cereal or oatmeal?
What the fuck’s in the bowl, milk? Wheaties or Cheerios?”

So this isn’t really a diss per say. It is more a reference to how the beginning of Rap Devil MGK can be seen eating a bowl of something. Which a lot of fans cannot understand what it actually has to do with the ‘beef’ or the music video at all.

“”Yo, Slim, your last four albums sucked
Go back to Recovery,” oh shoot, that was three albums ago
What do you know? Oops
Know your facts before you come at me, lil’ goof”

Like I said in the Rap Devil….. He wants him to go back to Recovery while also saying to go back 4 albums …. Recovery was 3 albums ago. A simple fact check before writing would have proven beneficial.

“Got more fans than you in your own city, lil’ kiddy, go play
Feel like I’m babysitting Lil Tay”

So saying that he has more fans in MGK’s own city is a direct diss at saying that even his home town like Em more. The Lil Tay references this 9 year old kid who pulled some outlandish stunts for social media. Since MGK said that he needed to read Em a nursery, Em popped off with saying that it is like Em is babysitting MGK, someone puling antics for the attention of the media.
“Got the Diddy okay so you spent your whole day
Shootin’ a video just to fuckin’ dig your own grave
Got you at your own wake, I’m the billy goat”

So basically saying that MGK had to get the okay to record this ‘diss’. While also referencing that MGK called him The GOAT because the Billy Goat is one of the most known goats.

“Bein’ rich-shamed by some prick usin’ my name for clickbait”

So what Em is basically saying is that MGK is only taking the shots….including the ‘sneak diss’ to gain fame for himself. That fans are automatically going to click on it when they hear its about EM. Also, one of the major themes of MGK’s ‘diss’ was that Em is rich….

“Now I gotta cock back, aim
Yeah, bitch, pop Champagne to this! (pop)
It’s your moment
This is it, as big as you’re gonna get, so enjoy it
Had to give you a career to destroy it”

So this goes to the fact that MGK posted a video of him popping champagne when he heard that Em Dropped his name (before he even wrote the ‘diss’) because he has made it very clear that Em is his idol. Em is also saying that because Em has dropped MGK’s name or referrenced him twice now, it is providing MGK with a career… although it is a short one….because Em is destroying it.

“Your red sweater, your black leather
You dress better, I rap better”

This goes to where MGK constantly says he’s tired of the track suits. That he dresses better than Em. Em is acknowledging that MGK might dress better…..but his rap is better.

“Thinks it’s over a pic, I just don’t like you, prick
Thanks for dissing me
Now I had an excuse on the mic to write “Not Alike”
But really, I don’t care who’s in the right
But you’re losin’ the fight you picked:”

Now MGK is constantly saying that this whole ‘beef’ is over the fact that when MGK was 22 he commented on a photo of a 16 year old daughter of Em. Now that would make any dad mad…. here he is saying that comment is not the reason for this. The fact that MGK ‘sneak dissed’ in a Tech N9ne song. But MGK said that its about the photo and majority of everyone believed it.

“I’m sick of you bein’ wack
And still usin’ that mothafuckin’ Auto-Tune
So let’s talk about it (let’s talk about it)”

This is referencing MGK’s chorus where he keeps saying let’s talk about it. Which the chorus used the most autotune for someone who wasn’t even singing….

“I’m sick of your blonde hair and earrings
Just ’cause you look in the mirror and think
That you’re Marshall Mathers (Marshall Mathers)
Don’t mean you are, and you’re not about it”

Em is saying that MGK is just a wanna be him. It’s not the greatest diss line but its still makes you think….is he trying to be him.
Now we’re waiting to see if MGK is going to come back at Killshot… even tho he has posted on social media and on press tours that he’s not even worried about it. But then it was brought to light that the photo of fans sticking their middle fingers up was at a Fall out boy concert and they weren’t privy to why they were asked to do so or the fact that MGK had the shirt on. Some fans tweeted saying he had a sweater on and when he turned toward the camera he removed the sweater to reveal the shirt. To me, that is a little dishonest.

In my personal opinion, and it might be biased because I have liked Em for so long, but I think Em killed it with Killshot. He reerenced pretty much every single thing that MGK threw at him without auto tune, without a chorus, without a hook, in a standard rap battle format.

If you’re up to date on the ‘beef’ or the ‘diss’, let me know what you think.


5 go to meals

So, lets be honest…. we all want to create perfect meals every day and have fantastic, healthy meals for our families. And as a stay at home mom, It is kind of my job to make sure that my family eats 3 square meals a day…. Well sorta. My oldest gets a quick breakfast in the morning because she is not the greatest at waking up for school and then she eats lunch at school and then gets dinner.

And as a parent, there are just some days where I just don’t want to cook or I am too sick or exhausted to craft one of those fantastic meals. So there are usually an arsenal of go to meals that moms, or at least I do, have in our back pocket for these days.


One of the biggest go to meals for days that are busy or days where I just don’t feel like spending too much time standing in the kitchen is Spaghetti. It is quick and easy to cook. It takes less than 30 minutes to have a hot and delicious meal on the table. And I usually have 3 variations in my arsenal. There’s regular spaghetti, baked spaghetti and taco spaghetti. It is amazing. And although there are the pasta carb debate going around that too much pasta isn’t health….there are ways that I can sneak health into these meals.  There are noodles that are made out of vegetables. And you cannot tell, or at least my kids can’t when they eat it.

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Another go to meal is hot dog mac and cheese.  Another non healthy meal that some of those parents would never put on the table for the kids.  It is the quickest easiest meal that my kids love. It is extremely simple and literately 2 ingredients. Takes less than 20 minutes to get on the plate. Its Mac and cheese, which I use Velveeta I love the ooey gooey cheese rather than the powder, and hotdogs. It couldn’t be more simple. We don’t eat it very often but when I have had one of those days, this is one of the meals my kids ask for.

Most people do Taco Tuesday. I do Taco Pizza. It is simple and a hit. Especially with the husband. It is simple and I can put it all together in 30 mins or less. It is crescent rolls pinched together to fit my pizza pan. Covered with refried beans, taco meat, diced tomatoes, onions, bell peppers and cheese. It tastes amazing and is easier than it actually sounds.

My favorite go to meal when its cold and we’re feeling under the weather is Potato Soup. It is creamy and yummy and honestly the hardest part is peeling and cutting the potatoes. And I can cook and dice up cauliflower and broccoli and sneak it into the soup without my family really knowing. It is so good that I usually eat so much that I fall into a food coma. Honestly the best thing in the world. I absolutely love it.

My 5th go to meal would have to be pizza. If I am under the weather or just not in the mood to cook….we usually order in. But If I want to include my kids, which I try to do often because our oldest just adores cooking and watches the cooking shows, we make homemade stuff crust pizza. This is a go to meal because I don’t have to do much, my daughter does.


These are my five go to meals…. what are yours?

Generation Rx review

I have been listening to Good Charlotte for at least 13 years now if not more. I remember being in 7th grade when Chronicles of Life and Death came out and I just had to have the death version of the album. This was back when an artist actually put a lot of love an attention on their albums. I listened to that album all the time and still do. Emotionless makes me cry since I am from a broken home with a father that never really cared about his kids. Good Charlotte is one of the many bands that I have been listening to for a very long time.  I remember when The Anthem came out. I remember watching their music videos on MTV. I love this band and I was always infatuated with Joel Madden. He’s just so darn cute.  So since they dropped a new album this week, I thought I would review it for you guys. Let you know what I think, what I hear etc.

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The Madden brothers said: “Our generation was the first to have so many ways to deal with pain. Throughout this century, we’ve seen the whole opioid crisis get worse. We wondered if we were really doing our part. We wanted to bet back out there on the battlefield and spread insight, share experience, and give anything we could to improve lives. The message is you can get through the pain, survive it, and have the life you want.”

Joel Madden explained to Kerrang: “All of us self-medicate in some way with something, I watch young kids today and feel for them, I understand the pain almost more than they do, because I got through to the other side of it. What this record is about is sparking that conversation.”

I think the reason for this album is something that needs to be said today. It really needs to be spoken about more. There have been many discussions about suicide and mental health issues going on lately and I think Good Charlotte putting it into music is fantastic.

So first up is one of their ‘instrumental’ type of introductions. My favorite one is on the Life and Death CD. It had the essence of Tim Burton.

Very mysterious introduction to an album which is what I love from this band. I love how it slowly grows in intensity. It kind of prepares you for the rest of the album. The whispering in the background throughout the beginning is wonderful and mysterious. Unlike the Chronicles album, You actually hear the band singing and playing in this song. The drum is fabulous. It makes you want to move with the beat. Strong. Joel has amazing vocals. I have always thought so.

“Where does all this pain come from?
Where does it hide?
Where does it go?
Looking in the dark I couldn’t see it
Are we divine?
Are we alone?”

Self help is the second song off the album.

“I felt too bad about myself
I never thought I was good enough for anybody else
I couldn’t look love in the eye
I was too broken to try
Life was a cold song that taught me not to cry”

I love how the beginning kind of reminds me of their songs from Good Morning Revival. But then Joel Screams. and I just fan girl it all the way out. The beat is strong and wonderful. I love it. The music doesn’t over power the lyrics and that is what is important for this album. I read somewhere the GC wanted to make this album because of what has been happening lately. The world has lost a lot of wonderful artists.

The part where they sing “I’m looking for a reason to believe” reminds me of We Believe from the Chronicles album.


I love how the guitar is so strong and then abruptly stops it is so classic GC.  I love how they grow yet stay true to who they have always been. You have seen way too many bands becoming too main stream and sound like other bands. Not GC, they are still themselves its amazing.

Shadowboxer is the third song on the album and some of the lyrics I like are:

“All your little shameful looks
Were buried in my heart like hooks
I didn’t want to be here
You told me I was evil
And when I finally ran away
Just trying to escape that pain
I wanted to believe I belonged somewhere on my own”

This song has a very strong introduction. This album seems to be a little heavier than their previous albums but the lyrics are what matters the most. It seems like every song I have listened to on this album have spoken to me. To what I have been thru. What I think when my anxiety is bad. This is an album that I think is fantastic. I am so glad they came out of ‘retirement’ to bring us this. The beat is just right the power of the lyrics are there. They always seem to deliver to their fans. They have stayed true to their fans. They always provide something we can relate to. A way to deal with our pain and anguish. To deal with the voices in our head. This song is for you. For each and every one of you. You are not alone. And Good Charlotte is proving that you are not alone. At all.

I have never heard Joel scream like that, it is giving me early Three Days Grace and early Breaking Benjamin feels. I love it. Gives me chills.

Actual pain was one of their first singles off this album. I heard it about a month ago. I haven’t really been on my Youtube lately because my kids watch it so much. I usually go on to review what they have been watching and well basically to make sure its kid appropriate like the kid channel (mind you, my kids are only allowed on YouTube once they have done homework and chores)
“I’m too scared to look behind that door
I put my trust in all my faith
And every word between us spoken
Why do I believe the things you say
When my heart’s already broken?”

Introduction is nice, its not too overbearing. I like the build up. The music video is interesting. Since it is one of the first videos from the album it is nice to see how the members look especially since like 13 years ago  me and my 3 friends were obsessed with them. They have aged very well. I love the build up to the chorus. Its strong. Different. The flash of skulls gives the songs a kind of dark feel which is great, visually. It kind of gives the song that feeling that this is more than what meets the eye. I love the vocals in the background towards the end, it accompanies the music greatly. Makes you want to move along to the beat. I do think that the music is a little louder than the vocals. Not so much so that you can’t hear the lyrics. But enough so that you’re not really paying attention to what is being said. So far that is my only complaint about this song.

“And we would lay awake at night
Looking at the stars, thinking of the ones we’ve lost
And wonder where they are
When we lit another candle, she asked me who’s to blame”

I think this is a great song. It isn’t necessarily saying that there is no God. It is just one of those things that when we see all the bad in the world it makes some question the existence of an entity known as God.  It is something people fight with in their mind so much. It is one of the greatest debates of faith. I don’t think that this song is trying to make you believe that there is no God. It is simple verbalizing an internal argument that many are too afraid to say. It is like I say all the time, music says the things that our hearts are too afraid to mutter.

The tempo and sound of this song are different than the ones prior. It does pick up the pace just slightly about twenty seconds into the song. This song focus more on the lyrics and Joel’s vocals. Which they are amazing. I am not too sure about the computerized high pitch behind Joel’s vocals. He doesn’t need any help.

“I want you to know, you’re not alone
Everything you are and everything you’re not
When happiness dies and the pain, it will come
Life’s funny, it’s a game we play
You know we run”

I love the piano on this song. It is a welcoming change from the rest of the album. And the focus on Joel’s vocals overpowering everything in the beginning is fabulous. The guitar is great as well. The lyrics are phenomenal. I think this is one of those songs that many will be able to relate to. It builds up so fantastically. The guitar solo is one of my favorite parts of this song. It well executed and well timed. It provides a new element for this song.

Locked out
You gave me your demons
You weren’t around”

I am not sure who Sam Carter is. But this song has a heavier feel than the rest of the album. I looked up Sam Carter, I haven’t heard of him before, but I know he is a British Guitarist. And I think he provided a great element to this song. It might not be my favorite on the album but the instrumental of the song is great.

“I’m just holding on to my better demons
And I really need them not to fail me now
I speak in tongues but I can never free them
And my spirit weakens but I won’t back down”

I am not too keen on the introduction. I understand it for the story telling but because I have my volume up to soak in all the GC goodness, it kind of hurt my ears. I like the music on this one The drums and the guitars. It is a nice song. It has a decent tempo. I still don’t know about the ‘news’ part of the intro and ending. It’s just not really my forte. But I do love the guitar on this track how its louder at one part of the song in the left speaker and the drums in are more in the right speaker. It gives it a unique kind of feel.

“Just forget the ones who let you go
Forget the ones too scared to know you”

This song reminds me of the Madden Brothers album that they put out a few years ago. Just Joel and Benji. It’s kind of laid back and chill all the while still holding to their sound. Just the right amount of bass and heaviness. It is a great song and a great way to end the album. It is like they’re telling everyone of their fans that they love them. That they understand what they’ve been thru, what they’re going thru. But that the fans can always count on them. I love that about them.


I knew this album was coming out…. I knew it was coming in September. I didn’t know it was coming so soon. And with Hurricane Florence hitting, I didn’t pay attention until it popped across my phone that Good Charlotte had a new album. Honestly, listening to it and review it has been a great distraction from the anxiety that is a hurricane. I hope you at least give each song a try and let me know down below in the comments what you think.

Top 10 favorite movies

10. Selena

I absolutely adore this movie. And have cried at the end every single time since the very first time I watched it as a kid. Selena was an amazing person. She was beautiful with an amazing personality and a voice that was perfect. I loved the movie and still listen to her music to this day even tho I am no verse in Spanish.

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9. Dead Pool

I love Ryan Reynolds. He was born to play Deadpool and I love to watch the movies deadpool. Except they’re not kid appropriate so I have to be careful when I watch them.

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8. Anything Wolverine

I love marvel. I love all of the marvel movies, well most of them. I love Wolverine.I can watch any of the wolverine movies anytime He is one of my favorites and the fact that Hugh Jackman plays him…. Swoon. I mean just look at this gif.


7. Sweeny Todd

I love musicals as long as the story is there. This is Tim Burton and Johnny Depp. I absolutely love their collaborations and could not wait for this movie to come out on DVD and I watched it….. over and over and over and over again.


6. Benny and Joon

OMG. I loved this movie. It was so cute and I loved Johnny Depp in this movie. He was amazing. I can watch this movie over and over and never grow tired of it. This is the movie that is the reason for me knowing the song 500 miles. “I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more, just to be the man who walked a thousand miles….”

benny and june

5. Pirates of the Caribbean

I love the series, I really do. And I have seen them all. I have seen pretty much anything with Johnny Depp in it. However, the first one still holds a special place in my heart. It is the movie I went to sleep watching every night when I was in the 7th grade. It is the movie that I memorized almost every single line. It was an amazing movie. And I just adore Captain Jack Sparrow.


4. 10 things I hate about you

Gah, who didn’t love Heath Ledger?!?!?! I adored his adorable smile. His bad boy appearance. His accent. And I was a fan of Julia Stiles. I also loved save the last dance which also started Stiles. But this is one of the few movies that I can watch over and over without being tired of it. And the poem towards the end, still makes me tear up.


3. TMNT Secret of the ooze. 

Who doesn’t love a good TMNT movie??? I loved the second one even better than I did the first, the third or the remakes. I also love the fact that ernie reyes jr had a role in the movie. I also laughed hysterically at this scene in particular.


2. Drop Dead Fred

This is one of those movies that was very indie. Not a lot of people know what it was about or even ever heard of it. When I find someone who actually sees this movie, I freak out. It is really something that was dark humored.


1. Surf Ninjas

Oh this is one of those movies that not every one knows about but I loved just the same. I was infatuated with Ernie Reyes Jr. as a kid and watched this movie whenever it came on.


Why did I start writing

I love reading why bloggers started their blog. It is like reading and understanding who they are. A behind the scenes kind of thing.

So I thought that I would write about why I started writing. Almost a year ago.

So when I started experiencing anxiety more frequently for no reason without any insurance to see a shrink, I thought to myself how can I get these thoughts out? How can I talk about it without making anyone uncomfortable? I could write it out in a journal. But then I get issues with my hand hurting from writing by hand too long. Then I stop writing in the journal after time. How can I help get the word out about mental illness? How can I do my part in breaking the stigma?

That is where ThisAnxiousMom came in. I wanted to write about my struggles. Things I like. Things I’ve done. How I handle things. How I could handle things differently and just my life in general as someone who constantly has anxiety and who’s mind NEVER shuts off. I have over 200 followers now which is amazing. I never in my wildest dreams would think that I would have anyone care about anything I say.

So Thank you. All of you. Who take the time out of your busy day to read my blog. To read my struggles. And thank you to those who comment. Those that let me know that I am not alone. Those who send encouragement. Those who just say hi. It means a lot. I have tried to be an open book. I have tried to let each and everyone of you into my thoughts my mind my mental illness. I have always encouraged any of you to share my stories on social media or anywhere. I have all type of share buttons. I have also tried to encourage you to share your own personal stories, struggles or just to say hi.

Well, this is my short reason for why I started writing.  If you’re a blogger, why did you start to write?

Cyber bullying

So I have this friend that I met thru some sad circumstances.  We met at the Chester memorial. It wasn’t the best way to meet someone, but I am glad that I did. We have connected on social media and I love seeing her posts as she has gone thru some tough situations lately and come out on top swinging.  She is a warrior.

Now every morning I wake up around 6 am and scroll thru facebook to see whats going on. See what I have missed since the day before. Cause honestly, I am not on facebook as much as I used to be when I was younger. There is just not enough time in the day to spend that much time on one thing like social media. There is also just so much awfulness in the world today that spending too much time on social media can be kind of depressing.

So the other day I was on facebook and I saw a post from said friend. Now I usually love reading her post because she usually posts something inspirational or entertaining. However, not this day. She posted about being cyber bullied. She had an interaction with someone who could not argue at the same intellect as her, because well she is absolutely brilliant. So since they couldn’t argue on the same intellect, they decided to target her weight and insinuate that she is Miss Piggy from the muppets. Seriously. The worst part was that it was a grown adult stooping to such a middle school tactic.

In the post, my friend stated that this wasn’t the first time that she has been targeted for her weight and in all honesty, it probably won’t be the last. I should know. I am in my view, fat. In the doctors charts I am obese. (I swear I work out and try to eat healthy as much as I can. Honestly, working out is really hard because of the car wreck messed my hips up. But this isn’t about me right now)  She made the post letting her friends and family know that this had happened because she is awesome. She shined a light on something that had happened to her. Something that shouldn’t. She is shedding light on cyber bullying.

Is she supermodel skinny? No. Is she happy? Yes. Is she healthy? Yes, I have seen all the post where her and her family are trying to eat right and be healthy. So why does the fact that she isn’t a size 2 grounds for bullying?  Sadly, this is something that is happening every day. Every day somewhere in the world someone is being bullied.

Do they care that this can cause someone with extreme depression to have suicidal thoughts? Do they care that bullying actually causes some to take their own lives? Do they care that bullying someone with a mental illness can send them over the deep end?

While mental illness is something that has been frowned upon for so long, there are many who are bringing light to this illness. In the wake of the passing of Chester Bennington, his wife, Talinda Bennington, as well as best friend and band mate, Mike Shinoda, have spent the year since his passing spreading the word on his illness and trying to provide a platform for those who haven’t felt like they could open up about their illness.Cyber bullying is something that is only talked about when it has gone too far. It is up to us as human beings to shine a light not only on mental health and bullying.

Now my friend may suffer from mental illness but she has taken this incident with courage and amazing stride. She didn’t let this person get to her. Well maybe it did a little. But it hasn’t pushed her over the age because she is amazing and fantastic. But cyber bullying is NEVER okay. You should never result to insulting someone’s figure, size, family or anything else because you cannot match the argument at the same intellect as the other person. I am going to repeat this again.


Cyber Bullying is NEVER okay!!


Dreams and a little update

Sorry I haven’t written in awhile. It has been a crazy few weeks since I last posted. My last post, I let you guys know why I had to leave a job that I had.


Life has a weird way of getting crazy before hopefully getting better.

So while I had just started my work from home job, my husband decided to follow a dream that he has had since forever. becoming a professional wrestlers.

Luckily for us, we found a training school that was close by and affordable. So for the past 2 and a half months…he’s been training.

It is such an inspiration. Watching him strive for this dream. Especially since I have way to bad of anxiety to even try to follow any dream. The kind that tells me I am not good enough at anything. I am a perfectionist in the worst way possible.

But I love that my husband is doing this. It is teaching our girls that no matter what…. you can always try for your dream. You can always pick yourself up and shoot for the stars. There was a saying on something that said shoot for the moon because even if you miss, you’ll land on the stars.

I am that wife tho. I am that wife who will fight for his dream. I am that wife, that even tho I have serious anxiety issues, will go to any event. Mingle with anyone to help him grow in this business. I am that wife who will make 96 treats for the training class. I am that wife that will create shirts for other wrestlers so that my husbands name is out there. I am that wife that even tho I hurt, will get up and train with my husband days in and days out.

I am that wife.

That will make sure my husband gets his dream.

But that is only a portion of what life has in store for us.

I wrote about my inlaws being complete idiots. Favoring one child over the other. Then blaming said child and myself instead of owning up to their own mistakes. it got to the point that my husband attempted to take a restraining order out on them. What caused this? The fact that his father was sitting at the top of our driveway in a car that we didn’t recognize and waited. He waited til my husband came home and then followed him into our driveway and proceeded to try to intimidate him. The judge didn’t side with us. Instead, the judge said theres no law against being a jerk. So yay. We have proceeded to have no contact with them.

That is….until I ran into my FIL in the store. Where he continued trying to tell me how bad a person I am. How all of this is my fault. How his son wouldn’t do any of this. That I was making my husband do all of this. Let’s just say that caused a major anxiety attack. I am not big on confrontation. I just don’t like it. So dealing with that was quite annoying.

But I cannot let idiots steer us away from protecting our family and striving for our dreams. If I let every anxious situation determine what I am going to do or be, I would probably never leave my room. So here is putting my FIL behind me and moving towards being the wife of a professional wrestler. It will be our second greates adventure. The first is being a parent.