Days that make you
Life is hard. It doesn’t matter if you’re a mom, a young mom, a dad. Have mental illness. Or anything else. Life is always going to be hard. not all the time but there are going to be moments in your life that are just harder than others. But those days that are really hard, are the days that make you.
As a mom who had kids at a very young age, first one being born right before I turned 20, and a sufferer of anxiety, life tends to seem harder than not… Or at least the anxiety disorder would make me feel like its extremely hard. You know the saying, make a mountain out of a mole hill. Thats what my brain does. It makes a mountain out of a mole hill. Every single time.
I have a hard time accepting the fact that these are the days that teach me something. And if I look at it as a lesson learned…..then I won’t feel broken as often. The days that seem the hardest are the ones that make us. There are many days that I feel broken. beaten. bruised. just want to give up. don’t want to get out of bed. just want to sleep….
But as a mom…. I have to. I have to remember there are two beautiful amazing kids who depend on me every single moment of the day. Well not actually my 7 year old doesn’t need me as much anymore. She’s wildly independent. But there are moments she still needs me.
For instance, the other day. I just wanted to sit in the corner and cry. Bawl my eyes out and cry. My lawn mower had snapped a belt. And lowe’s didn’t have it. I could order it from Sears….but they were out of stock…. I had finally found on at Tractor Supply and had crawled my fat behind under the lawn mower and changed the belt…..but it still woudn’t start. It wasn’t even turning over. No click nothing. So I went and spent 32 dollars on a new batter thinking maybe the whole mower just wasn’t getting any juice because of the battery. So I go to the store… I live in the country…it takes a good 10 minutes to drive to the big Walmart…. got it put in and guess what…. still wouldn’t start…. UGH… Then I go inside and cannot get on the computer. Can’t watch Netflix or Youtube because my internet is out AGAIN!!! and I can’t seem to get it fixed. It was like everything was crashing at once…
But, instead of losing my cool… I went to the grocery store and bought stuff to make mini Taco Pizza’s for my husbands wrestling class. Like I told one of his buddies…. I was cooking thru my anxiety. It helps. I don’t know the exact words to describe why it helps. I let it go for the day. Let my brain work thru everything. I got the computer back to working and all of that the next day. Later that evening… I went back to work on the mower…. Turns out, one of the spark plugs had blown. And I had fixed that. We got it working…until my husband went to mow the front yard which was really high and something else went wrong. Big white cloud of smoke and mower is down again. But thats another days hassle.
There’s reason why there’s the saying ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ even your worst day will make you stronger.