In a mood
Sometimes, you’re just in a mood.
The funny thing about mental health that no one really discusses is that, you don’t really need a reason to have episodes.
For instance…. Some days, I can just wake up and be in a ‘mood’.
For no reason at all either.
It is completely strange too. Cause I just don’t feel good enough. I feel worthless. I feel awful. I feel like I am doing nothing good in my life. In my family. That I am a bad person. That I am too fat. Too ugly. That I spend too much. That I don’t bring anything good to the table. And these are just thoughts that are in my head on these awful days. I don’t act on them. I don’t show them to the world. I don’t let them affect my kids. I am great at putting on a brave face and making sure that my kids don’t ever see that side. That they’re not traumatized by it.
Then there are days where I am just…. to put it simple, scared.
I am scared about not being able to provide a great life for my kids. I am scared that my iron is going to get to low. That my anxiety is going to rub off on my kids. That I am just not ever going to be good enough.
Now, I have been writing about things that cause me to be like that…. But there are some days where nothing causes it. that it just happens.
And that is the funny thing about mental illness, there doesn’t have to be any specific event to cause you to just be bleh.