My 16 year old self
If I could write a note to my 16 year old self….what would I say?
I would tell myself not to date that one guy. That even though I felt like I could save him, I would just hurt myself worse in the process. And that you cannot save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. To not waste almost 2 years on him. To hold out. To wait. Because the one I was meant to be would be coming into my life soon enough.
I would tell myself not to be selfish. That my mom didn’t have to buy me everything every time she got paid. That it would save my brother and mom’s relationship if I was less selfish. I would tell myself that I didn’t need new cd’s or movies etc.
I would tell myself to not get too emotionally involved with everyone. Because in a few short years, they would be no where to be found. I would tell myself that things are going to get worse….but in 10 years they’ll be better than I could have imagined then.
I would tell my 16 year old self to inform my mom to not let my oldest brother to move in with us because it was just a catalyst for all the bad things that came about. I would tell my 16 year old self that being true to myself is better than making people happy even if it meant having no friends.
I would tell my 16 year old self that the high school drama extends way past high school. That my future in laws would be just as bad as teenagers in the drama department. I would tell my 16 year old self to reach out to my childhood crush. To maybe be a friend to him and listen. Because he had so much more going on in his life up to his death that maybe he just needed someone. I would tell my 16 year old self to ALWAYS go to the hospital with my cousin whenever he needed to go. That maybe if he had someone he there, maybe someone could have gotten help and he’d still be here.
I would tell my 16 year old self that in ten years time…. I would have 2 beautiful girls, an AMAZING husband and the support of my brother sister mother and mother in law. That it might have taken time but we will be alright.
I would tell my 16 year old self that the anxiety that I had just gotten diagnosed with (at 16) doesn’t just go away. That it will get worse before we get even a minor handle on it.
I would tell my 16 year old self to not give up. To keep fighting.