I think that talking about what I go thru or what I have been thru has helped me master the demon and put it behind me. No longer allowing it to define me. However, it sometimes feels like when I am trying to explain things to those around me, that they’re just overly tired of hearing me ‘cry’ about it. So that is where the hiding began. Not exactly but sort of. When I was 5 something terrible happened to me, I tried to confide in someone I thought was my friend about her brother and she turned around and did the same exact thing. This is where the hiding instead of telling stems from.
And that isn’t the only wrong thing I have seen, been exposed to or dealt with. And a lot of the time I just stopped trying to say anything.
That is not the way to live.
Living like that will just continue to build up until you burst. And sometimes it isn’t going to be in a nice way. It could result in crying fits. Or rage. Or lashing out on those you truly love.
So having a blog where I can kind of express my feelings in a way where I don’t have to feel like I am being put on the spot of shamed. Like I am only trying to get attention.
What I fight with all the time is wanting to be okay and hating the fact that it takes so long to do so. I am an inpatient person….
I want everything to be ok now.
So I got to learn to accept that….. you cannot heal overnight from a lifetime of pain…..
Gotta just take it one day at a time.
Today is actually a good day…. Except for a minor ear infection. I feel alright.