Work and anxiety

 

Okay so I have been looking for a job from home for a few months and ironically last month I got one. I was so shocked and excited. It felt like the miracle that we need. I started getting a little anxious because it would be a change for my kids since for the past 2 and a half years they have been use to mommy being there the entire time.

But this anxiety did not outweigh the need that I need to provide some type of financial input in my family because not doing so makes me even more anxious. The girls will still have me in the morning and their daddy in the evening. I figured we would and could figure this all out.

So training was supposed to start last week. I got thru day one and was annoyed because a lot of the other people in training were not able to get find what they needed and it took four hours to learn how to clock in. So that kind of annoyed me. But I am an inpatient person. But I was fine. I was excited to be working again. I was even more excited that I was able to do so at home.

So the second day comes and my karma for being annoyed in the first day and now I have internet issues. It completely shuts down and shuts me out of training. It took me an hour to get it back running and then I couldn’t get back into training because the time frame to access it….was over. So then the teacher calls and she’s not happy with me. And then she makes sure to tell me it was a one time courtesy that my training would be rescheduled for this week.

Fine. That is just fine. I got paid for the two days that I tried and everything. Alright. So now I had the whole weekend to get geared up for training to start again. Got the computer up the headsets up. Tested my internet speeds a million times. Everything is good. Comes time for the meeting to start. I can get in and see everyone there.

But.

I cannot connect to the audio for anything. I literally spent 2 hours on the phone with the technical department and they could not see why it would not do anything. My head set was working. My computer was acknowledging the headset but the Webinar was not allowing me to connect.

So.

My instructor blamed my computer or my headset. I tried both usb headsets that I own and they both work but still couldn’t connect. So she calls me and tells me as a courtesy I can rejoin again tomorrow. But I should take my computer to the shop and get it looked at. That it was my fault.

So she clocks me out for the day

And I feel like a complete failure.

And I am so going to get fired because for some awful reason I cannot seem to be able to get thru training.

I thought this was my miracle.

I thought this was going to be good.

I thought this was going to save me from actually working with people in retail so that I won’t be so dang anxious all the time.

I guess I was wrong.

 

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Categories: anxiety, Uncategorized

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