What you know needs to be done

I don’t know about you, but when I was a kid I thought it was amazing to be an adult. I couldn’t wait to grow up. Not to have a curfew. No adult to answer to. I didn’t have any rules. You know there was always that time as a kid where you thought it was going to be so awesome to be adult.

Yeah.

Being an adult isn’t so great.

So being an adult in my twenties, there is still this part of me that is like a kid. There is that saying that says you’re only as old as you feel.

So sometimes, I act like a teen. Especially when it comes to concerts. I get really giddy about concerts.

However, I have a lot of responsibilities and chores that have to get done. Every single day. And it is so easy to get distracted.

Honestly.

I have the attention span of my toddler. I am so easily distracted it isn’t funny.

So if I don’t use discipline then I won’t be able to complete everything done.

Therefore, discipline is doing what you know what needs to be done even when you don’t want to.

Like laundry. I don’t mind washing laundry. I don’t mind putting the clothes from the washer to the dryer. However, putting up the laundry. I hate doing it. But I know I have to.

Or dishes. I hate washing dishes. And I use to just let them pile up in the sink til my husband caved and washed them.

I mean, who really likes to do dishes or laundry? Who gets joy from doing these things??? I don’t. but I really have to use my discipline my stern like mother-ness and make myself do these things. Because, honestly, if I don’t do it…no one else will.

It also helps that we now have a dish washer 🙂 that makes dishes easier.

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Right past their dad

Before I begin. Let me just say…. I love my kids.

I really do

I would do anything for them.

However, obviously my husband does not exist.

At all.

Because I can be in the bathroom brushing my teeth with the door closed. In the middle of swishing mouth wash when my kids start banging on the door barging in asking for a snack.

Now mind you. To get to my bathroom from their playroom they have to walk thru the living room where their daddy is sitting, past the kitchen and into my room to bang on the door.

They will always walk past their daddy to come ask me anything.

So my go to response now days is ‘ask your daddy’

-can we have a drink

‘ask daddy’

-can we play outside

‘ask daddy’

-can we have a snack

‘ask daddy’

-is it time to go

‘ask daddy’

Now they’re slowly starting to ask more

hardest part of parenting

Being a parent is hard

It can be really hard. there are decisions you make that you don’t really want to make. There are things that you have to do. You have to be the bad guy. There are just a lot of things that come along with being a parent. I have told many teens I know that if you’re not ready to be a parent, then you shouldn’t have sex.

It is not something you should take lightly.

Sometimes kids do or say things that you really have to keep a stern face. It is hard to be mad. But you know you have to be. You know you have to discipline them but what happens is so hilarious that you end up laughing later.

So my nephew…

When he was about three.

Walks into the living room where my mom, my brother and myself were watching tv and just talking. This cute three year old comes in and looks at his dad and says ‘damnit is a bad word’

Now internally I am laughing my ass off.

(at the time, I wasn’t a mom yet) I knew my brother really needed to discipline his son so I knew if I started laughing then my nephew wouldn’t understand the true weight of his words.

Sometimes, they do things that makes it hard to be mad.

Silence is golden

There is a saying that silence is golden.

Well it is golden. That is until you have a todler or anxiety. I can’t deal with silence due to my anxiety. I have to have some type of tv going just to fill the silence.

Others like silence.

But the saying that I use is, silence is golden unless you have a toddler

Kids are loud. They always have been

So when a kid is quiet…. it makes you wonder what they’re doing.

Espeicailly my two year old. Because her silence means that she has found something or she is doing something. Usually she has found a marker or a crayon and has decided to color everything around her.

Did anyone hear it

I have stated before that I am a mom that yells.

Not because I want too.

I mean I can talk til I am blue in the face. And no one will hear me….until I yell.

It is when I yell that they actually listen or hear me.

It is a strange paradox. I was the same way. I still am haha. Sometimes when my mom is talking to me, I zone out and then I realize that I am not hearing what she says I have to ask her to repeat it…which makes her mad.

But seriously. When you’re talking to your kids… if you don’t say it three times and then yell…. do they even hear you??

Cause I know my kids don’t. and I am not even sure how they only hear me after repeating myself to the point I am blue in the face and yelling.

If anyone knows ways of making your family hear the first time… I am listening!

Facebook memories

Everyone gets those facebook memories that show what happened on this day for how ever many years you have had a facebook.

Well I have had my facebook for about 10 years almost. And everytime I get a memory of something from my senior year… my anxiety and depression kick in.

I had friends or so I thought.

They made comments about how I was always out of school and how everyone else was able to go to school in pain and why couldn’t I??

I have grown a lot since my senior year. Emotionally, mentally. Everything.

But it still hurts re reading these comments.

Like today.

My senior year had a lot of issues. My senior year started out with us living in a motel. There were a lot of reasons as to why we were there but it is what it is. Well my mom lost her job so we couldn’t pay for that room anymore. So my brother took us in for a few months. Which made me incredibly depressed. And I was having a lot of female pain to the point that the doctor wanted to put me on birth control to ease that pain. I would literally miss school whenever my period would come. It took a very long time and a lot of doctor visits to finally understand what it was. They thought it was my gall bladder and other organs first which meant I missed school for testing a lot of the time.

After a few months, my brother couldn’t keep us in his small house anymore so we stayed at a friends house. On the floor. but that didn’t last long either. Then we spent a week in an abandoned house. I didn’t go to school for awhile during that week because well I didn’t have the strength from lack of eating and I didn’t want to go since I hadn’t had a shower in awhile. I was depressed….severely.

Anyone who was depressed knows it is very hard to tell someone you are depressed. It is hard to open up about it so I made excuses. Like oh I was in pain. Or oh I was sick. etc… But that is where other students pounced. Which made my depression worse. I really just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. Away from the students who made comments away from those who made me cry because I wasn’t good enough.

So when I see these facebook memories….. It brings back all of those feelings that I had.

And part of me just wants to talk to those people now to explain hey your words hurt and this is why I couldn’t bring myself to come to school. I mena the teachers knew but the students didn’t. My senior year was the first year with my now husband so that was good but my life at that time was completely and utterly sad. I still feel like I haven’t gone as far as the other students and probably will never have the potential as they do.

So.. I hate facebook memories. Not all memories are worth being remembered.

One unsupervised minute

Being a mom is so amazing. You never know true love until you have a kid. or at least in my opinion. I love being a mom. I love my kids. They are so amazing and so far they make motherhood easy. Ask me again when teenage years have hit.

However. kids can be so terrifying. Many people think the most scary thing is holding a newborn. I mean it can be, because you’re scared to hold them. However, I have been around kids for a very long time so by the time my kids were born I was a natural. I was like here you wanna hold her. Go ahead.

What I think is the most scary thing about kids. Is their unsupervised moments.

In a perfect world, you’ll be hovering over them every second. You will know everything that they do. Right?

But lets be honest. Mom’s are human. Even tho we act like we’re superhumans. We get a lot of things done in a daily basis. The kids are always running to us. However, we do have to do things like change clothes or go to the bathroom. We can turn our head for one second.

and

the kids

will find something. Put everything in their mouth

or

….

draw all over the walls.

So here is what happened in my one unsupervised minute.

The kids were playing and I was half playing half watching. When I needed to go get the girls some water because they asked me too. I already had their little bottles of water on the counter which was right at the end of the hallway. It took less than 2 minutes to get up, leave the room and grab both waters. (by the way my 2 year old can drink from a water bottle and loves water which is so awesome because my oldest wont drink water unless we make her) Within that unsupervised minute or two, my two year old had found a marker and drew all over the halway wall.

now that doesn’t seem like so impossible. But we had already been thru the play room and removed every writing utensil that we could find. I mean we moved furniture cleaned out toy boxes everything. so i am not sure how she found it. or where she found it.

She also colored so much of the wall in that little bit of time and also managed to take her clothes off and color all over herself.

Toddlers are amazing in what they can accomplish in one unsupervised minute. It is usually more than most adults can complete in one day.