I grew up without a dad. I had my brothers and a bunch of other male figures. So I never really felt like I missed out on much. It helps that my mom has always had this concept of an open dialogue with us. So she told me everything that I wanted to know about him and how he was not a nice guy towards the end of their relationship. How he was a great guy at the start. How her mom didn’t like him. Which of course made her like him more. So, honestly I never yearned for my dad. When he died, I was sad because of how he died and the fact that he did die. I was also sad because I wanted him to reconcile with us so bad. I wanted to know if he regretted every ounce of alcohol he consumed. I wanted to know if he regretted every time he raised his hand at any of us. I wanted to know if he missed us. There were just so many questions that I wanted answered, that I will never have a chance.
Now there is that stereotype of females who grow up without a dad having daddy issues so they end up finding a man that is just like their daddy. I can honestly say, that was never me. I never had ‘daddy issues’. I didn’t have that void that needed to be field because I had a strong male constantly in my life in the form of my brother. He was very strict on me most of my life so he was like a father figure. and he still is. He is always looking out for me. I know he loves me even though he won’t ever say it. He once told me that if you dress like a slut, be prepared to be treated as a slut. And ever since then, I was aware of what I was wearing and the message it would send. Most people would take what he said as a bad way. I mean there are a lot of people talking about rape culture and how women shouldn’t dress provocative because of men using that excuse for why they raped them. Which is complete and utter bullshit. The way you dress doesn’t give anyone the right to touch you ever. No. My brother meant more than men. He meant everyone. And if you think about it honestly, you will see what he meant. The way you are dressed is the first thing people see. Although we are told not to judge a book by the cover in regards to people, we still do. We’re human. And therefore, you see a woman in skimpy clothes standing next to someone dressed moderately, which one would you think is professional?
I never thought much about my dad when I was a kid. But I always knew that when I had kids, they would have a dad that was there. They wouldn’t have to wonder if their dad cared. I found him. My husband is such an amazing dad. Such a hardworking man. He really makes my anxiety at ease during tough times. And he is such a hard worker.
They have a saying, like father like son. They also say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I am so happy that this is not always true. When my husband and I got together his dad like me and his mom didn’t. And since his mom didn’t like me so much, I gravitated towards his dad. And endured a lot of what they had to say about my mother in law believing it to be true since at the beginning she wasn’t my biggest fan. But as time went on, his mom started coming around and I saw that not everything that I was told was true. Now, she loves me.
And hilarious enough, nine ish years later… the roles have reversed. now his mom loves me and his dad doesn’t. But thats fine.
As long as my husband continues to being exactly opposite of his dad. Then everything will be okay.
Fatherhood is more than just having the same DNA. It takes love. Compassion. And being there.