Facebook memories

Everyone gets those facebook memories that show what happened on this day for how ever many years you have had a facebook.

Well I have had my facebook for about 10 years almost. And everytime I get a memory of something from my senior year… my anxiety and depression kick in.

I had friends or so I thought.

They made comments about how I was always out of school and how everyone else was able to go to school in pain and why couldn’t I??

I have grown a lot since my senior year. Emotionally, mentally. Everything.

But it still hurts re reading these comments.

Like today.

My senior year had a lot of issues. My senior year started out with us living in a motel. There were a lot of reasons as to why we were there but it is what it is. Well my mom lost her job so we couldn’t pay for that room anymore. So my brother took us in for a few months. Which made me incredibly depressed. And I was having a lot of female pain to the point that the doctor wanted to put me on birth control to ease that pain. I would literally miss school whenever my period would come. It took a very long time and a lot of doctor visits to finally understand what it was. They thought it was my gall bladder and other organs first which meant I missed school for testing a lot of the time.

After a few months, my brother couldn’t keep us in his small house anymore so we stayed at a friends house. On the floor. but that didn’t last long either. Then we spent a week in an abandoned house. I didn’t go to school for awhile during that week because well I didn’t have the strength from lack of eating and I didn’t want to go since I hadn’t had a shower in awhile. I was depressed….severely.

Anyone who was depressed knows it is very hard to tell someone you are depressed. It is hard to open up about it so I made excuses. Like oh I was in pain. Or oh I was sick. etc… But that is where other students pounced. Which made my depression worse. I really just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. Away from the students who made comments away from those who made me cry because I wasn’t good enough.

So when I see these facebook memories….. It brings back all of those feelings that I had.

And part of me just wants to talk to those people now to explain hey your words hurt and this is why I couldn’t bring myself to come to school. I mena the teachers knew but the students didn’t. My senior year was the first year with my now husband so that was good but my life at that time was completely and utterly sad. I still feel like I haven’t gone as far as the other students and probably will never have the potential as they do.

So.. I hate facebook memories. Not all memories are worth being remembered.

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