I know that kids repeat every single thing that you do. Especially my 2 year old who has learned a very colorful word from the Fall Out Boy album thanks to her wonderful, although selective, hearing.
Which also makes it a bad thing that I can be the ‘drop the f-bomb kind of mom’ well not actually the F bomb. That is harsh. That would be everything falling apart kind of bad. It’s more like hell, damn or shit.
My oldest kid knows there are some words that mommy uses when people are idiots on the road that she cannot repeat. Yeah, I have quite a bit of road rage. I mean when someone drives 25 mph on a 45 mph road that you cannot pass them or constantly slamming on their brakes, you tend to use a little bit of colorful language.
However, I am trying very hard to change my colorful language from bad words to silly words or other things that the kids wouldn’t get in trouble for repeating. Like heck doggone or shiitake. snake skin. darn. dungbeetle. holycow.
I am of Irish, German heritage although there are other countries mixed in. I am loud. I am verbal. I have colorful language. I am constantly working on becoming a mom that doesn’t drop the f-bomb. but maybe the occasional one will slip up. I’m not perfect.
Have kids, they say. It will be fun, they say.
No, I’m joking.
Raising kids is a walk in a park.
I’m only half joking. Have you seen a two year old throw a temper when they are not ready to be awake from their nap? Or a six year old who cannot find their security blanket? (stuffed animal) It is like the dinosaurs in the movie only the kids don’t bite or eat you.
They do, however, eat a lot. Especially when they go through growth spurt. They do make a mess. They can take a clean organized room and make it look like a tornado like the one in the Wizard of Oz has blown through in matter of minutes. They can argue for hours straight over who gets to play with the toy. They can fight over what bed time movie they’re going to watch. They love playing in mud and will not think for a second before tracking that mud through your freshly clean floors. They do whine and complain through dinner because their food is touching or they don’t like the way the hot dog looks even tho they love hot dogs. And when they’re babies. No one warned me how bad diapers can smell. I understand the basic concept of what goes in must come out. However, apple sauce goes in, manure comes out. It is pretty awful.
And this is just a little of the stuff no one tells you when you’re pregnant. They tell you about all the good that happens. They don’t really tell you about the difficulty of being pregnant. The swollen feet, the constant need to pee. The cravings for weird things. The uncomfortable sleeping positions. The kicks to the bladder. Then there are even more downsides if you’re a high risk pregnancy. All of that doesn’t even include the labor. Although I had a pretty simple labor for both my kids, all natural. My sister had two very long labors. They’re painful. They’re tiring. It is a lot of work.
But it isn’t all bad. The good actually out weight the bad in every single category. I wouldn’t trade being a mom for anything in the world. They drive me insane, but are also my reason for living. I was meant to be a mom. They make my life hectic and complete at the same time.
So, yes raising kids is a walk in a park. Jurassic park. But it is a journey worth taking.
One thing that happens when you become a mom at a young age, is you’re constantly looking at others mothers to see if you’re doing things right. I haven’t really done that myself since I have been around little kids and watching little kids since I was a kid myself. So I kind of get the gist of what it takes to raise a kid. What I didn’t know was the financial situation of it all but I understood how to talk to them. How to hold babies. How to feed babies. The basics.
However, having anxiety makes me second guess myself a lot. Not just with discipline but with things like do we have enough food, drinks etc. (BTW the answer to that is always YES!, I keep a very stocked house.) I look to others in my family or friends to see how they’re handling summer vacation or rewarding their kids for good grades. You see, I read that students lose 20% of what they learn the prior year during summer. Therefore, we have our oldest who is the only one in school doing a worksheet and reading a book Monday thru Friday so that she is learning what she will be studying in the upcoming year and is ready and she is not losing the 20% from the prior year by doing nothing productive during the summer.
There are some times in life when you are losing your mind. It doesn’t always have to be a complete breakdown. It could be just a bad day and then you’re looking at friends or other mothers to see how they are handling things. The sad thing is…. they’re losing it too. They just found a way to hide it better.
Don’t compare yourself to other mothers. We are all losing our shit, some women just hide it better.
And ‘losing your shit’ doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. I hate how people associate having a bad day or losing your mind with being a bad mom. It could simply be a bad day. Like this one day. We are all three sick, except my husband, and you know how whiny kids can get when they’re sick and then being mom and being sick while taking care of sick kids can be even stressful. So I had two whiny crying kids wanting juice or food and my head is pounding because this sinus headache and chest cold is kicking my butt so when they finally take a nap… I cried. Not because my kids are so awful or because I am a bad mom but because I was tired and sick and my kids are sick and I just want to take the sickness away from them and I can’t.
Personally a mess makes me insane. When my house is a mess, my anxiety is higher. A clean house is a clean mind. At least that is how I feel. So at times like today when I wake up at 5:30 in the morning and cannot fall back to sleep. Cleaning cleanses the mind.
Now that doesn’t mean that I like cleaning. It is a chore. It is time consuming and I could be doing other things. But I am a mom to two young kids so cleaning is something that has to be done. They’re old enough to put their dirty clothes in the hamper or pick up their toys but not old enough to truly clean well. Like mopping. My oldest likes to think she’s helping by grabbing the swiffer but she really just misses a big chunk. However, she is trying to help so I let her. Little does she know that when she is distracted or has gone off to play, I go behind and get what she misses.
I read on Facebook, I am not sure how true it really is, that there is a scientific study that shows a cluttered house can cause anxiety. Or in my case, make anxiety worse. I can get pretty OCD when it comes to organizing. If you look at our closet, you would see that our clothes are hung based a certain way. colors with colors. Pants texture with similar texture. It seems a little harsh. or strange. But I like it.
However, there is nothing wrong with being a mess or having a messy house. This doesn’t make you a bad mom. And if anyone thinks it does is wrong. And should shut their mouths. Honestly. As a mom, we are allowed to do both. Be a mess and be a great mom. As a mom, we are the boo boo kissers, the clothes washer, the toy picker upper, the grocery shopper, the dinner cooker, the homework helper, the field trip chaperone. We are a jack of all trades. Because we do so much on a daily basis, somethings seem to fall to the sidelines. Sometimes we aren’t dressed to impress. Sometimes we’re wearing yoga pants. Personally, I love wearing my lazy pants. I don’t like jeans. They’re very restricting. Especially since I am on the move so much. Some days, I am on top of my game. Then there are days where I am a complete mess. But that doesn’t make me any less of a great mom.
I grew up without a dad. I had my brothers and a bunch of other male figures. So I never really felt like I missed out on much. It helps that my mom has always had this concept of an open dialogue with us. So she told me everything that I wanted to know about him and how he was not a nice guy towards the end of their relationship. How he was a great guy at the start. How her mom didn’t like him. Which of course made her like him more. So, honestly I never yearned for my dad. When he died, I was sad because of how he died and the fact that he did die. I was also sad because I wanted him to reconcile with us so bad. I wanted to know if he regretted every ounce of alcohol he consumed. I wanted to know if he regretted every time he raised his hand at any of us. I wanted to know if he missed us. There were just so many questions that I wanted answered, that I will never have a chance.
Now there is that stereotype of females who grow up without a dad having daddy issues so they end up finding a man that is just like their daddy. I can honestly say, that was never me. I never had ‘daddy issues’. I didn’t have that void that needed to be field because I had a strong male constantly in my life in the form of my brother. He was very strict on me most of my life so he was like a father figure. and he still is. He is always looking out for me. I know he loves me even though he won’t ever say it. He once told me that if you dress like a slut, be prepared to be treated as a slut. And ever since then, I was aware of what I was wearing and the message it would send. Most people would take what he said as a bad way. I mean there are a lot of people talking about rape culture and how women shouldn’t dress provocative because of men using that excuse for why they raped them. Which is complete and utter bullshit. The way you dress doesn’t give anyone the right to touch you ever. No. My brother meant more than men. He meant everyone. And if you think about it honestly, you will see what he meant. The way you are dressed is the first thing people see. Although we are told not to judge a book by the cover in regards to people, we still do. We’re human. And therefore, you see a woman in skimpy clothes standing next to someone dressed moderately, which one would you think is professional?
I never thought much about my dad when I was a kid. But I always knew that when I had kids, they would have a dad that was there. They wouldn’t have to wonder if their dad cared. I found him. My husband is such an amazing dad. Such a hardworking man. He really makes my anxiety at ease during tough times. And he is such a hard worker.
They have a saying, like father like son. They also say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I am so happy that this is not always true. When my husband and I got together his dad like me and his mom didn’t. And since his mom didn’t like me so much, I gravitated towards his dad. And endured a lot of what they had to say about my mother in law believing it to be true since at the beginning she wasn’t my biggest fan. But as time went on, his mom started coming around and I saw that not everything that I was told was true. Now, she loves me.
And hilarious enough, nine ish years later… the roles have reversed. now his mom loves me and his dad doesn’t. But thats fine.
As long as my husband continues to being exactly opposite of his dad. Then everything will be okay.
Fatherhood is more than just having the same DNA. It takes love. Compassion. And being there.
Oh this is so true right now.
The only way to play with a toxic person is to not play.
so everyone knows what is going on with my Father in law and his wife
Well it has escalated to the point that my usual quiet husband has decided to get verbal. He has sent a few text messages calling his dad out about the issues and apparently it is so far fetched that my husband would actually say anything to his dad at all.
Because my FIL texted back saying I know how my husband text and how I text and that it was obviously me texting. So when my husband texted back that I wasn’t the one on his phone….my FIL told his son to MAN UP.
Seriously. This grown man told his grown son to man up because we called him on his favortism. And the fact that he treats the older different than the youngest. And the fact that he has recently began blaming the oldest for all of the issues that are going on.
let me repeat that for those who didn’t hear it.
HE IS BLAMING A CHILD FOR HIS ACTIONS
so momma bear is pissed off.
But after discussions and rants we have come to realize that they are toxic and that the only way we are going to win….is if we stop playing with them.
No one likes being sick.
When your kids are sick, you want to take it away from them.
You baby them
When a man is sick.
They typically act like a baby also.
They can’t work, they just want to lay in their bed. eat soup and take meds.
They say sleep is the best remedy when you’re sick. My husband and my kids will sleep and lay in their beds until they feel better.
And that is fine.
However, when a mom is sick..
Things are completely different.
When a mom is sick…they have to get up and take the kids to school. Make sure lunches are packed. Make dinner. Clean the house. Run any errands. Pick the kids up. Etc…
When I am sick. I want to lay down. I want to sleep. I just want to feel better.
But I have to push thru and keep doing what I need to do. Mom flu. It is like the normal flu, but no one cares.
I don’t know about you, but when I was a kid I thought it was amazing to be an adult. I couldn’t wait to grow up. Not to have a curfew. No adult to answer to. I didn’t have any rules. You know there was always that time as a kid where you thought it was going to be so awesome to be adult.
Being an adult isn’t so great.
So being an adult in my twenties, there is still this part of me that is like a kid. There is that saying that says you’re only as old as you feel.
So sometimes, I act like a teen. Especially when it comes to concerts. I get really giddy about concerts.
However, I have a lot of responsibilities and chores that have to get done. Every single day. And it is so easy to get distracted.
I have the attention span of my toddler. I am so easily distracted it isn’t funny.
So if I don’t use discipline then I won’t be able to complete everything done.
Therefore, discipline is doing what you know what needs to be done even when you don’t want to.
Like laundry. I don’t mind washing laundry. I don’t mind putting the clothes from the washer to the dryer. However, putting up the laundry. I hate doing it. But I know I have to.
Or dishes. I hate washing dishes. And I use to just let them pile up in the sink til my husband caved and washed them.
I mean, who really likes to do dishes or laundry? Who gets joy from doing these things??? I don’t. but I really have to use my discipline my stern like mother-ness and make myself do these things. Because, honestly, if I don’t do it…no one else will.
It also helps that we now have a dish washer 🙂 that makes dishes easier.
Before I begin. Let me just say…. I love my kids.
I really do
I would do anything for them.
However, obviously my husband does not exist.
Because I can be in the bathroom brushing my teeth with the door closed. In the middle of swishing mouth wash when my kids start banging on the door barging in asking for a snack.
Now mind you. To get to my bathroom from their playroom they have to walk thru the living room where their daddy is sitting, past the kitchen and into my room to bang on the door.
They will always walk past their daddy to come ask me anything.
So my go to response now days is ‘ask your daddy’
-can we have a drink
-can we play outside
-can we have a snack
-is it time to go
Now they’re slowly starting to ask more
Being a parent is hard
It can be really hard. there are decisions you make that you don’t really want to make. There are things that you have to do. You have to be the bad guy. There are just a lot of things that come along with being a parent. I have told many teens I know that if you’re not ready to be a parent, then you shouldn’t have sex.
It is not something you should take lightly.
Sometimes kids do or say things that you really have to keep a stern face. It is hard to be mad. But you know you have to be. You know you have to discipline them but what happens is so hilarious that you end up laughing later.
So my nephew…
When he was about three.
Walks into the living room where my mom, my brother and myself were watching tv and just talking. This cute three year old comes in and looks at his dad and says ‘damnit is a bad word’
Now internally I am laughing my ass off.
(at the time, I wasn’t a mom yet) I knew my brother really needed to discipline his son so I knew if I started laughing then my nephew wouldn’t understand the true weight of his words.
Sometimes, they do things that makes it hard to be mad.