I hate attention.
Literally hate being the center of attention
I avoid it at all possible.
I have suffered alone for many, many years.
So I know how depressing it can be to have a panic attack and NO ONE notices. NO ONE cares.
I get it.
And honestly…. I hate feeling like I am alone. I hate feeling like no one understands me.
Luckily, as my circle grew smaller from those who only used me… I found one friend who suffers with anxiety, depression, panic attacks and PTSD. We balance each other I think. We listen to each other. Literally. If I stop at her house when I’ve had an anxiety attack… I end up staying there for goodness 2 to 3 hours just from talking. and our conversations drift to random topics so seamlessly.
But I am getting off topic….that darn attention thing again.
What I have been doing since Chester Bennington passed is searching Twitter.
You see….When Kurt Cobain died….The world saw a massive number of copy cat suicides. Because they felt that if Cobain couldn’t make it…then how could they. Right? It is hard to see one of your idols who you relate to leave us in such a traumatic way. It is awful.
Linkin Park spoke to me thru so many situations. I remember being 9 years old listening to them on MTV. Chester was so pretty (and it hurts to say was, I keep wanting to say is) His vocal ability was so inspiring. I mean here is this guy who can sing and then scream with such ease. The words he sang….I could relate to many things that I personally went thru growing up. Even now… I can listen to these old songs and relate them to things that I see or feel today.
You see, I am the type of person who feels music. I don’t just hear a beat and hear some random words. I feel them. I can listen to a song a million times if it speaks to me. If it moves me emotionally.
(I feel like I have said this before. and if I have… I am sorry)
So since we lost Chester in July. I been looking for people on Twitter who express their mental health. Especially those who feel alone. Those who are experiencing panic attacks or feeling depressed. And just letting them know. Hey, you are not alone. I am sending positive thoughts your way.
Typically I just simply say ‘sending positive thoughts your way’ It is a simple and easy way that I can spread kindness. That I can let them know they are not alone. There are others out here that feel the same way.
Now I am not posting this to gain any attention.
My sole purpose is that well I have about 96 followers now. Which I am ecstatic about. Thank you guys. I am more thankful that you could ever know. But if each one of you guys searches twitter for any mental health condition and just let one person know that they’re not alone, that you’re thinking about them….Then maybe…just maybe…we will be that closer to making it easier to talk about our issues.
How is it that a patient with heart failure gets sympathy but those suffering with a chemical imbalance gets shunned? Now please don’t read that the wrong way. My dad had heart failure. He had 3 heart attacks before he passed. I feel for everyone who has anything going on in their life (that’s the overly empathetic part of me again.) But I also don’t think it is right that we who suffer a mental illness should feel like we have to suffer alone because the world cannot show an ounce of empathy to what we may be going thru on a daily basis.
So what do you say guys???? Will you send a tweet to a random person letting them know that you are thinking about them?? That they’re not suffering alone? That there are others like them???