Well its day 3 of the 30 day squats challenge.
And I don’t want to do any squats. Like at all.
Or anything else for that matter.
Well last night was a bad night. A very anxious night.
So I am exhausted. We woke up 15 minutes late this morning and felt like everything was thrown off. So much so, that I didn’t even make my eggs this morning.
Instead, I just ate left overs from last night then did 25 squats (1 set of 4) and laid with my toddler while she fell asleep.
And now I’m here writing my post about how I’m in a mental funk and that mental funk leads to physical exhaustion. Don’t you just hate when your mental illness gets in the way of things you want to do.
Cause I realized that I have given up on a lot of things because at some point in doing anything I would fall into a mild depression state and just give up.
But I am tired of being fat. It is not healthy. It doesn’t look good. So This Time…..I am not giving up.
I might take a nap…..but I won’t give up. I’ll finish my 100 squats for the day. I’ll go pay some bills. I will pick the kids up from school and get everything done like I do every single day. I cannot let a foul mood destroy a challenge I said I was going to do. And Anxiety is more than a foul mood.
See I have been anxious for a couple days. Since the school shooting. Because that is a terrifying thing. I have a daughter in school. I cannot fathom the idea of anything happening to her at school. The one place where she is supposed to feel safe. I had issues letting her go to school last year because it was her first year. Separation anxiety. I wasn’t ready for her to spend that many hours away from me. But she loves school. She hates when she is sick and has to miss school. I just told my husband last night that if anything ever happened (and I pray all the time that it will never) to the girls…. I don’t think I would be able to cope. At all.
So today… I will work thru my anxiety to get motivated. Because if I don’t.. I might start getting depressed again.