#Lyrics Never Enough-Papa Roach

 

Life’s been sucked out of me
And this routine’s killing me
I did it to myself
Again I said this would not be
Somebody put me out of my misery
Expression, stimulation
Hollow sense of myself
I did it to myself again
Somebody put me in my place
Never enough, Never enough
Do I deserve what I got?
Now everything’s okay
There’s nothing wrong with me
This seems unnatural
To me I’d say in every way
Somebody kick me in the face
Now something’s wrong with me
I’m bleeding profusely
And this seems natural
To me I fuck up everyday
Somebody put me in my place
Never enough, Never enough
Do I deserve what I got?
Never enough, Never enough
Do I deserve what I got?
What I got, what I got
What I got, what I got
I feel as if I’m running
Back to where I started
You ask what’s wrong with me
And I say nothing
Is everything okay?
Is something wrong with me?
Pushing and pulling feelings
Eternal my heart is yours
I feel as if I’m running
I feel as if I’m running
I feel as if I’m running
Run
Life will knock me down!
Never enough, Never enough
Do I deserve what I got?
Never enough, Never enough
Life will knock me down!
This is a song about a depressed individual feeling over whelmed in life. And lets be honest….we all get overwhelmed. I know I do. I mean for the past couple of months we’ve been looking to move. and well packing and switching utilities and changing address…the whole 9 yards is very stressful….and then well I haven’t had a whole lot of sleep lately. So I have been feeling run down…dragged out….overwhelmed.  As a mom… I feel like I am never enough…. As a wife… I feel like i am never enough. A daughter, a sister a friend. There are just some days that I do not feel like I am ever enough.

Favorite shows

 

 

In a previous post I stated why I watch specific shows over and over. Well for this journal entry…I thought I would list my top three tv shows.

Grey’s Anatomy.

Yes I am a TGIThursday girl. This sow really pulls at your heart strings (RIP McDreamy, Denny, George, Mark and Lexi…probably some I’m missing) This is one of these shows I can watch over and over and still cry…. My family is actually kind of annoyed with how many times I watch it. It is also part of my routine. It comes on at 3 pm most Monday-Friday afternoons on Lifetime. I put it on in the living room signifying that the kids need to go to the playroom and play because I am about to start dinner. It stays on til about 6 some days 8… When it ends at 6 it lets me know that it is time for the baths… I know I could just look at a clock which I do…don’t get me wrong. It’s just nice to have something on in the background that I know.

Gilmore Girls

I completely adore this show….even though I didn’t start watching it until 2015…years after it had gone off the air.. Thank goodness for Netflix. I have this thing where I don’t watch/listen to something because other people are. However, this show was worth it and I do wish I would’ve watched when everyone else was (When this show was running I was busy watching One Tree Hill instead) I love how fast they talk. The speed of their conversations makes some people go HUH? Like my mom. she has said ‘how do you keep up’ and I am just sitting here like…because I talk/think at the speed at which they are conversing. Its like they’re me. 🙂

Scrubs

I’m not even entirely sure why I like this show. It comes on Monday thru Friday at 7 AM and either stays on til 9 or 10 Am. I put it on so that my daughter will take her morning nap.. She doesn’t get too caught up with TV if its not a cartoon. So she just lays down and naps. I haven’t gotten her to nape in her room without her sister…one step at a time. So she naps on the couch and I can keep an eye on her while I do one of my many things I try to get done in that hour.

Scrubs is a good show tho. Its light hearted but does cover some serious issues. It’s been said to be one of the most accurate portrayals of what a real hospital is like. Its funny and well just an overall decent show.

The runner ups for top 3 because well I can never just settle are:

House M.D

Burn Notice

Royal Pains

Psych

One Tree Hill

Once Upon a Time.

 

So what would be on your top 3?

#Lyrics Lithium-Nirvana

I’m so happy because today
I’ve found my friends
They’re in my head
I’m so ugly, but that’s okay, ’cause so are you
We’ve broken our mirrors
Sunday morning is everyday for all I care
And I’m not scared
Light my candles in a daze
‘Cause I’ve found god
Hey, hey, hey
I’m so lonely but that’s okay I shaved my head
And I’m not sad
And just maybe I’m to blame for all I’ve heard
But I’m not sure
I’m so excited, I can’t wait to meet you there
But I don’t care
I’m so horny but that’s okay
My will is good
Hey, hey, hey
I like it, I’m not gonna crack
I miss you, I’m not gonna crack
I love you, I’m not gonna crack
I killed you, I’m not gonna crack
I like it, I’m not gonna crack
I miss you, I’m not gonna crack
I love you, I’m not gonna crack
I killed you, I’m not gonna crack
I’m so happy ’cause today
I’ve found my friends,
They’re in my head
I’m so ugly, that’s okay, ’cause so are you,
Broke our mirrors
Sunday morning is everyday for all I care,
And I’m not scared
Light my candles in a daze
‘Cause I’ve found god
Yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I like it, I’m not gonna crack
I miss you, I’m not gonna crack
I love you, I’m not gonna crack
I killed you, I’m not gonna crack
I like it, I’m not gonna crack
I miss you, I’m not gonna crack
I love you, I’m not gonna crack
I killed you, I’m not gonna crack
This is a song pretty much about a lot of self loathing….I’m so ugly thats ok cause so are you…. As someone who has a very low amount of self esteem…it is kind of relating to me….
Cobain once said that this is a song that takes the voice of a man who is on the verge of killing himself… when you hear that…it gives the song a whole new outlook….
I am going to be honest….I love Nirvana. They were the mascot…the leader..the spokesman of the angst era.. I loved it. And I loved Cobain… Now here is where it gets a little sad… I was a toddler when Cobain died….So I experienced all of the glory that is Nirvana…after Cobain died. I vaguely remember watching MTV with my brothers when Smells Like Teen Spirit came on.. but that was years ago.
I could listen to a number of Nirvana songs over and over and over and over… Cobain was very talented.

Weren’t so afraid

 

I think writing journal entries is a great way to put your anxieties out on paper (or blog post) so that you can see them. It’s not just in your head anymore. That way you can set a goal and over come them….some take a long time to do so.

So today, the post is 3 things I would do if I weren’t so afraid.

 

  1. Go on adventures

I would love to just go out and experience the world. Like go hiking. If money wasn’t an issue I’d fly to different countries…but then there’s my anxiety. I don’t like going places I don’t know by myself. I don’t go hiking because of wild animals and snakes.

 

2. Be more social

I’m a talkative person but not a social person. That doesn’t make too much sense right? Well, I’m not all too comfy meeting new people. And when I’m around people I am semi comfy with.. I feel like I talk too much. Then I spend way too much time worrying about what I said. If i did something wrong, said something wrong. If it wasn’t for anxiety… and I wasn’t so afraid… I would be more social.

 

3. Amusement parks

I use to lover roller coasters. Now they terrify me. The adrenaline rush that people enjoy….fills me with dread. If I wasn’t so afraid… I would enjoy roller coasters again.

 

What are 3 things that you would do if you weren’t so afraid?

 

#Lyrics Believer-Imagine Dragons


First things first

I’ma say all the words inside my head
I’m fired up and tired of the way that things have been, oh ooh
The way that things have been, oh ooh
Second thing 
Second, don’t you tell me what you think that I can be
I’m the one at the sail, I’m the master of my sea, oh ooh
The master of my sea, oh ooh

I was broken from a young age
Taking my sulking to the masses
Write down my poems for the few
That looked at me took to me, shook to me, feeling me
Singing from heart ache from the pain
Take up my message from the veins
Speaking my lesson from the brain
Seeing the beauty through the

You made me a, you made me a believer, believer
(Pain, pain)
You break me down, you build me up, believer, believer
(Pain)
I let the bullets fly, oh let them rain
My life, my love, my drive, it came from
(Pain)
You made me a, you made me a believer, believer

Third things third
Send a prayer to the ones up above
All the hate that you’ve heard has turned your spirit to a dove, oh ooh
Your spirit up above, oh ooh

I was choking in the crowd
Living my brain up in the cloud
Falling like ashes to the ground
Hoping my feelings, they would drown
But they never did, ever lived, ebbing and flowing
Inhibited, limited
‘Til it broke up and it rained down
It rained down, like

You made me a, you made me a believer, believer
(Pain, pain)
You break me down, you built me up, believer, believer
(Pain)
I let the bullets fly, oh let them rain
My life, my love, my drive, it came from
(Pain)
You made me a, you made me a believer, believer

Last things last
By the grace of the fire and the flames
You’re the face of the future, the blood in my veins, oh ooh
The blood in my veins, oh ooh
But they never did, ever lived, ebbing and flowing
Inhibited, limited
‘Til it broke up and it rained down
It rained down, like

You made me a, you made me a believer, believer
(Pain, pain)
You break me down, you built me up, believer, believer
(Pain)
I let the bullets fly, oh let them rain
My life, my love, my drive, it came from
(Pain)
You made me a, you made me a believer, believer

 

This is a song about dealing with emotional problems. It is about rising above that and finding a place of perspective where pain can become strength… As someone with anxiety its a song that hits home when I just want to try to find a song that expresses my need to find peace.

Celebrity crushes

So this blog has been so much about what anxiety is and how we feel. Also, about the world against us. But I thought you all should get to know me better. So I’m making a little change.

Although, I am still a big advocate for breaking the stigma. I am also going to start posting journal topics and invite you to use the topics as well. And as always, please feel free to leave a comment, like and share.

Today’s topic is…. Celebrity crushes…the top 3. This is actually hard because I like so many. I go gaga. I try to tell my husband its better to be crazy over a celebrity than someone in town. (I would never encourage cheating. EVER) My celebrity crushes change a lot …that’s not true. I have a long list it is just my top that change. And the crushes aren’t in like a dirty way. A lot of them are either because of their personality, a character they play or their accent.

  1. Johnny Depp. I have been a big fan of Johnny Depp for 13 years. I love the McQuaid brothers … Jack Sparrow. Sweeny Todd. He’s so versitile…. (I do not want a discussion in regards to his divorce about Amber Heard. I don’t agree with domestic violence but I also don’t think he really did it…this is coming from the fact that she’s been arrested for domestic violence in the past and I have seen someone give themselves a black eye to get the other person arrested…add fame and money and people do crazy things…also you should never provoke someone when their mom dies….)
  2. Robert Downey JR. TEAM IRON MAN all the way. Love Iron man. He is my go to Avenger him and Mark Ruffalo.
  3. Jason Ritter…. I grew up with my mom watching Threes company all the time. So I remember watching John Ritter go from that to 8 Simple Rules. Then I watched Raise your voice…not too long after John Ritter passed and Jason’s character dies in a car crash… I bawled my eyes. And he was just so loveable as an older brother. It made me think of losing my brothers which made me cry. Then Jason came out with a new TV show that I never miss a week of if I can help it. It’s called Kevin probably saves the world. If you haven’t seen it yet…. I suggest you do. Its so good and he’s just so adorable.

 

So…who are your top 3.

*Side note.. my top 3 will change…they always do…

#Lyrics Never Have To Say Goodbye-Papa Roach

‘Cause when you took your last breath
I was high, I was running away
You always call me on the phone
But I never pick up
I never wanted you to know
I was running out of love
You didn’t walk out, you didn’t give up on me

So even if you’re coming out
I’m not giving up on you
We never have to say goodbye
‘Cause I can feel you from the afterlife
And I just wanna say, that every single day
You make me take a deeper look inside
If everything you say it’s true
Then I would never have to call on you
In every single way
You’re ripping every day
So we never have to say
We never have to say goodbye
We never have to say
We never have to say goodbye
I didn’t have the strength that I needed at the end of the day
‘Cause I was popping every pill
The only one that I was fooling was me
You always loved me when I couldn’t even love myself
No, you never turned away when I was begging for help
I should’ve said thanks
For never given up on me
So even if you’re coming out
I’m not giving up on you
We never have to say goodbye
‘Cause I can feel you from the afterlife
And I just wanna say, that every single day
You make me take a deeper look inside
If everything you say it’s true
Then I would never have to call on you
In every single way
You’re ripping every day
So we never have to say
We never have to say goodbye
We never have to say
We never have to say goodbye
I can hear your voice when I walk through the pain
Show me how to live
Show me that I can change
I can feel you catch me when I fall away
We never have to say goodbye
‘Cause I can feel you from the afterlife
And I just wanna say, that every single day
You make me take a deeper look inside
If everything you say it’s true
Then I would never have to call on you
In every single way
You’re ripping every day
So we never have to say
We never have to say goodbye
We never have to say
We never have to say goodbye
We never have to say
We never have to say goodbye
This is a song about not getting to say your ‘peace’ when someone passes away… it is a very strong song for me personally. Considering I have had a few people pass away that I never got to say goodbye. Two of my cousins…..my grandmother. and most recently my father. It is kind of hard knowing that there was so much that you wanted to say to them and you’ll never get the chance to. Its nice that there are songs like these that allow us to express the way we feel.