What scares you 

 

It is good to sometimes just sit back and write things out.  For instance, before I type up a blog post or anything I physically write it out. There is just something about physically putting pen to paper that allows me to plan things out. That way I can read them over before typing and change whatever I need to. Staring at a blank computer screen provides a writers block.

Also, when it comes to things like anxiety or depression, having a journal, or blog, is a great coping mechanism. So today’s topic: What scares you?

Honestly, I am a very scared person. With my anxiety these fears are a thousand times worse. So much so that if I dream about it and it’s scary enough…chances are that I might just wake up crying. I know….pathetic right.

So what scares me…

Spiders. OHMUHGAWD I am terrified of spiders. Especially the big ones. I was bitten by a spider once…a baby… in my bath tub…while I was trying to relax…detoxify… destress..it caused a huge..not so huge. hole in my arm. I thought it was a baby brown recluse…it could have been. I didn’t see the sucker. I have thrown things at them, I have called my husband to kill them. I am that person you see on tv where they freak out. Cannot do spiders at all.

I am terrified of snakes. I don’t care if they’re nonvenomous. Just keep those cold scaly ugly iccky nasty things away from me. Seriously. I have nightmares about snakes. I would die if I seen one in my yard. Which is why I am adamant about keeping the grass mowed and snake repellent out. I am terrified that my kids will get bitten and that I won’t know what type of snake it was. I would die if anything happened to my kids. Which makes me freak out at the fact that my sister and brother have found 2 in their yard…and my sister is friendly to snakes.. she owned one once. just ewww. I was in PetSmart yesterday…my second time being in there. Totally forgot that my nephew said they have snakes….passed by the snake cage…jumped 10 ft. luckily it was only me and the staff in there.

I am afraid of losing my mom.  I know..it’s a part of life. It will eventually happen. But I just cannot picture my life without my mom. Honestly. It’s always been me and her. She’s always been there. Even when both my brothers left…well moved out. It was me and her..She’s my best friend. Sad right? Not really. I spoil my mom because she spoiled me the best she could. I see her almost everyday and I text her every single day all day long. I’ll be 30 in a few years and I still don’t think I will ever be ready to lose my mom. I have spent many anxious nights crying my eyes out because of this fear. I might actually cry because of this post. ;(

I am scared of car wrecks. I was in one a couple years ago…..it was pretty bad. I was stopped at a light and an idiot hit me and a few other cars going about 45 mph. I found out he had a bunch of drugs in his system at the time. There is something about being rear ended that makes you fearful of stopping at stop lights or stop signs. I am constantly watching my rear view mirror when I am stopped praying that the person coming up behind me will slow down in time. I am also very judgmental about my husbands driving because he doesn’t allow as much stopping distance as I do. So every time I ride with him and he has to stop behind someone…I have a panic attack..every time

I a scared of heights. Always have been. There is just something about being somewhere up high that I fear that there will be some random gust of wind that will make me fall over the edge to my death. Cannot do heights. It doesn’t help that I am clumsy. I used to fall a lot. Like going up stairs, going down stairs, playing, running.

I am afraid of being alone at night. This might stem from being a kid. My oldest brother was supposed to watch me but would leave me home alone…by myself and would come home before mom as supposed to get off. That way he didn’t get in trouble. Then there would be times that he would run around the house in the pitch dark banging on the exterior walls and windows. He’s always had a thing with horror…and I always been afraid…

As a parent…I am scared that something my happen to my girls. I know that my anxiety makes the normal parent worries so much worse. But I would seriously die if anything happened to them. I worry all the time. Am I being a good enough parent? I keep them close in the stores because you hear all those stories about kids being kidnapped. It is awful. We go to a festival every year. And well this year…my youngest is at that stage where she doesn’t want to ride in the stroller the whole time soooo… I bought a monkey on the back. I know so many people judge parents who put their kids on a leash. but come one. She wants to have some freedom but she isn’t at that point where she wants to walk right by my side…she wants to run around. So with the leash…its a backpack with a strap. and its cute. She gets to have her freedom and I get to keep her close by. Since there is usually 6 adults to 4 kids at the festival. I don’t have to make my oldest hold my hand. She is usually with her cousin…ie her best friend. and they’re either in the wagon or walking right in front of us. I do make her hold on the stroller or wagon during the areas that have the biggest crowds.

So… what scares you?

Advertisements

Categories: anxiety, Uncategorized

Tagged as: , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: