The most common

I write a lot about anxiety. Why? Because I have suffered with it for more than 10 years. Sometimes I don’t like talking abot the things I’ve been through because there are some people who like to either say I am making up or that I just want attention.

Anyone who truly knows me, should know that I absolutely despise being in the center of attention. I do anything I can to make sure that I am not in any way the center of attention. Which causes me to surpress a lot of feelings and traumatic experiences. In fact, there is so much that I have stored away that it would take thereapy to bring it out.

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in America. So much so that it affects roughly 20% of the American population. While just looking at the percentage doesn’t make it seem like its a lot of people, it really is a lot. 20% translates to roughly 64,620,000 people. When you see what 20% really translates to (based on 2016 American population) it really sinks in to how many people are affected.

So, if 64,620,000 of the American population is affected by some sort of Anxiety disorder, then why are we still so afraid to get help? Why is there still such a stigma around it? Out of this 20%, I am pretty sure at least half is not on any form of medication nor have they sought help. All because we have created some kind of taboo in regards to any type of mental illness.

I am 1 of the 64,620,000. An I am here to break the stigma. I wll be a voice for those afraid to speak. This is who I am. Anxiety is a part of me. It is NOT something that I can just get over. Anxiety is something that I am learning to control every single day. Some days are harder than others but I am still fighting.

If we, the 64,620,000 speak up, speak out and speak loud….we will #BreakTheStigma

Things that give me anxiety

There are way too many things that give me anxiety. But i will list a few… and maybe why they give me anxiety.

Being late.

Oh my god, I cannot stand to be late. Seriously. I would rather be early sitting outside than late rushing. I even get the kids to school early so that they’re one of the first ones out of the car. Hey they get to get in the breakfast line first. Thats when the food is always hot. I feel like if I am late, I will be in trouble or someone is talking about me being late. My brother is notorious for being late. I kind of expect it from him. But I literally cannot do it.

Things I said within 10 minutes.

Should I have said that. The things I say that could possibly hurt someones feelings or possibly make them disappointed in me stays in my haed forever. I think before I speak and then I think about what I said. It is awful.

Things I said a year ago, or even a couple years ago.

I have a pretty good memory. Especially when it comes to the mistakes I have made or the things I have said. So they keep playing in my head over and over and over. There are usually a lot of late nights.

People touching me.

This isn’t all the time. Only when I am super anxious. I love hugging my husband and my kids. I don’t mind people touching me. Except for some reason when I am extremely anxious I just want to shrink away from others and them touching me makes it even worse. The feeling is hard to describe.

Being around a lot of people.

I grew up in a big family so I haven’t always been this way. And I have good days where I don’t have any anxiety at all. There are times where lots of people don’t bother me. But then again. There are the days where going to a crowded store are just so draining.

being yelled at.

I have never been very good at being yelled at. In fact, my mom has only ever had to whoop me once. In my whole life, I think I have been whooped twice. Once by my mom and once by my cousin who was babysitting me. Usually, all my mom has to do is raise her voice at me. it use to be so bad that when my mom would raise her voice I would start to cry. That is why I try to always not mess up around my brother. If he raised his voice at me.. I am pretty sure I would start crying. I do not like being yelled at.

wondering if people are talking about me.

Yeah. I always think people are talking about me. I’m not the prettiest, skinniest, funniest person around. I have a very poor image of myself so I always feel like someone is talking about me and in my head…its never good.

every action that I do

This is pretty self explanatory. I overthink ever thing that I do, everything that I say, etc.

and just about anything else.

Toddler’s drawing

 

 

Have you ever seen a toddler get ahold of a marker or a crayon?

For some reason, the first thing they go to is either their body, the floor or the wall. And there is a big mess.

It is even worse when said kid grabs a permenant marker.

It isn’t always easy to get that type of marker off the wall or floor.

Unfortunately, some days my mind feels like a toddlers drawing.

It’s jumbled, a mess and competely awful.

It doesn’t make sense. There isn’t any structure. Theres a complete mess up there.

Anxiety is just like a toddlers drawing.

Sometimes, just like the drawings, anxiety is hard to comprehend.

Recovery is not a race

I think that everyone who has a mental illness is just trying to cope. They’re trying to recover. And that is wonderful.

If we could all help each other, encourage one another through our individual journey would greatly increase our chances. It would also help in breaking the stigma.

What I think some don’t undersatnd is that recovery is not a race. We each go through our own storms and there should be no guilt in how long it takes us to find our rainbow.

However, I think that we don’t realize that we are harder on ourselves than we are judging others journeys.

I have been guilty of comparing my recovery to that of my friends. But I never blame them for getting better faster. I blame myself for not being at the same pace as them. And that is so wrong. You should never feel guilty that it takes you longer than you thought it would.

What you should do instead is compliment yourself on how far you have come. If you start feeling guilty or blaming yourself, you’re only hurting your recovery.

This is not a race.

Your recovery, your journey is all your own and you are a warrior, a champion for getting where you are now.

If you need an ecouragement team, comment below. I will be your fan base, I will be your cheer squad. We will break the stigma together.