Anxiety situations

 

One thing that I cannot stand is when people tell me ‘you’ll get over it if you just do it.’ They’re actively trying to force me into situations that I’ve very clearly stated give me anxiety.

I know that one way to get over your fear is to face them. But the keyword in that statement is your. Facing a fear should be a journey you take yourself. Yes, this journey is going to be scary as hell and yes during this journey you can and should lean on others. There is no shame in asking for help. Those who truly love you will always be willing to lend their support.

What they should not do is force you to do anything that you’re not ready or not comfortable doing. I know they’re only trying to help but throwing a person with anxiety into a situation that gives them anxiety when they’re not prepared to face it will only make that person more anxious.

Seriously. If you force someone who is has anxiety to do something that gives the anxiety it will not erase that anxiety. It will only cause more anxiety. For instance, I am terrified of roller coasters (didn’t use to be but I am now) They make me have a panic attack. I’ve seen way too many videos about them malfunctioning and people dying or getting seriously hurt. I was forced to get on one (not physically forced but goaded) It did nothing to help me face that anxiety. Instead, It made it worse. I sat there, on that ride feeling how loose the bar really was and how easy it would for me to slip out during the drop. I saw the worst possible outcome during the whole ride. When it was finally over. And I was on solid ground. All I could do was cry. ad shake. And not breath. It was a traumatic experience. I would not want anyone to ever feel like they have to do something because others want you to.

Unfortunately, anxiety is not technically something that can be cured. It is, however, something that you can learn to control. It is a journey. It is your journey and you can take all the time you need.

#BreakTheStigma

Care Too much

I don’t know about you, but I have had the occasional person as me what it is like to have anxiety. There is just one sentence that I think sums it up without sounding too dark. Having anxiety is when you care way too much about everything.

It is when you know you shouldn’t stress about it but you can’t help it. It’s having that person in your life that never changes so you say don’t care anymore, you won’t help anymore but at the end of the day you do anyway so you can give your mind just a little bit of peace. Even though it never comes because there is always something to stress over.

It is staying up all night no matter how tired you are, because your mind won’t stop running. Have any of you ever seen the show scrubs? Having anxiety is like the inner monologue that J.D. constantly has. Except instead of the nice, carefree voice of J.D. where he has all of these nice little fantasies that make the audience giggle, you are given all of the insecurities. The dark matter. Having anxiety is like having Dr. Cox constantly in your head providing your monologue. Or, well he is kind of a mean ass on the show. So just imagine having that as a monologue in your head. 24/7. Never ending.

Having anxiety is a struggle. Your emotions are on your sleeves but not everyone understands. So we should keep discussing the battles of mental illness. Share, talk, tweet. Get the word out so we can #BreakTheStigma

Own Worst Enemy

Do you know the saying ‘you are your own worst enemy’. Well it is practically true. My mind is my own enemy. My worst enemy.

I’m pretty sure anyone with anxiety will agree. Our anxiety is our mind. I mean, our mind isn’t always the enemy, we have our good days. But what goes up must come down and I know that sounds very pessimistic. But its true. Whenever we have (or at least me) have a good day, we’re constantly waiting for the shoe to drop. For the bad day to come around. While the good days are filled with sunshine, lollipops and cotton candy, the bad days are right behind. The days where we just can’t seem to cope.

Our mind prevents us from enjoying the things we really should at our age.  Our mind, especially mine, makes mountains out of mole hills. Our minds keep replaying every single mistake we have ever made like a broken record. Our mind uses these insecurities against us and we think we will never do anything right.

Because on the bad days. well it just feels like everything is off. That nothing goes right. Like we woke up on the wrong side of the bed and everything we touch is wrong. That maybe if we go back to bed, we could wake up on the right side. Maybe tomorrow will be a good day…or maybe it’ll be just another bad day.

My mind is my own worst enemy.

 

[Comment and share. Cannot wait to hear from you :)]

Trust

 

Anyone who suffers from anxiety or depression is fighting a battle that you will never see.  Most of the time, we will suffer alone. Considering all of the stigma surrounding mental illness, we tend to be very selective about who we let into our dark world.

The reality is, we are already terrified of letting anyone see our worst self. Because, inside our illness is the worst self esteem, the worst thoughts. Everything is just bad.

So if we choose you…if we open u about our anxiety or depression. Please don’t be that person. That asshat who belittles our fears, our doubts, our inner worst thoughts.

We already feel like the world is against us. We really don’t need you proving that it is true. It feels like shit to be told your feelings don’t matter.

In all honesty, you will never realize how much strength, how much courage it took for someone with mental illness to open up about their demons. If this person even thought that they could. Then they must really trust that you are someone that they can confide in.

I can tell you this from experience, though. The minute that you belittle their thoughts. You degrade them for their illness, is the day that you will never see what is really going on again. The minute that they feel like they’re being judged is the minute they shut down from those people.

I have done it. I should know. I thought that someone was a friend. Opened up about the illness inside. Instead of comforting and being supportive. They literally took my insecurities and turned them against me. They tried to tear apart everything I had worked hard for just by using my mental illness against me. So…. Yea. It really feels like shit when the person you thought was your friend decides to not be your friend.

 

Not the same

When I was a kid, I was extremely shy. I wasn’t showing anxiety symptoms yet. I was just shy. So it really drives me crazy when people group being shy and having anxiety into one group.

Wake up call!!

Having anxiety is not the same as being shy.

You see there was the kid who’s face would turn red when they were called on. They’re the kids who whisper the answers instead of using a normal voice. Yes, I know shyness can mean feeling uncomfortable or insecure but its not anxiety.

You see a kid with anxiety is shrinking further into their chairs in hopes of not getting called on. They can’t breath, their hearts are racing. Me personally, I have played hooky from school to avoid speaking in front of class. I would sit in the corner, hidden. Thinking about speaking in front of any group of people would send me into a panic attack.

They say biting your nails or the area of skin around your nails is a sign of developing anxiety. I never bit my nails. Instead, I would let them grow just a bit and then I would use my other nails to break them down. Like how you clip with nail clippers.. I would do that with my fingers whenever I would get anxious. I have looked like I lost in a fight a lot because of my non stop habit of biting my lip. I never stay still. Standing still makes me feel even more anxious. I feel like I have to be moving. You know things in motion stay in motion or however that science thing goes. Therefore, if I am already moving then I would be able to run if need be that much faster. Crazy logic. I know. But being in front of anyone make my anxiety go that wacky.

So, No. having anxiety is not the same as being shy.

#Lyrics I Refuse-Simple Plan

 

Stop being such a freak
Nobody wants you here
That’s what they said to me
Like I’ve said. Simple Plan always seems to come up with that song that just automatically speaks to you when you need it the most.
Like most people, I was picked on in school. Kids can be mean.
There’s something wrong with you
Why don’t you disappear
That’s what they said to me
I was always different. I mean I have shown signs of anxiety for years.
Why should we all be stereotypes
Why don’t we all
Just stand up and fight
In my blood, in my veins
In my heart
I know what’s right for me
To apologize for who I am
(And I refuse)
To ever let somebody say I can’t
I refuse, I refuse, I refuse
I refuse, I refuse, I refuse
(So I refuse)
To let the words you say get to me
(And I refuse)
To keep on suffering quietly
I refuse, I refuse, I refuse
I refuse, I refuse, I refuse
(So I refuse)
So I refuse
(Whoa, whoa, whoa-oh-whoa)
The chorus of this song just hit so hard. It makes you want to scream. It makes you proud to be different. It’s like the anthem saying I don’t need to be just like you.
You’ll never make it far
You’re just a hopeless case
That’s what they said to me
I might not be where I wanted to be. But I am still progressing.
How can I make it clear
You’re just a big mistake
That’s what they said to me
You don’t control me
This is my life
When will you wake up
And open your eyes
In my blood, in my veins
In my heart
I know what’s right for me
To apologize for who I am
(And I refuse)
To ever let somebody say I can’t
I refuse, I refuse, I refuse
I refuse, I refuse, I refuse
(So I refuse)
To let the words you say get to me
(And I refuse)
To keep on suffering quietly
I refuse, I refuse, I refuse
I refuse, I refuse, I refuse
No matter what you think
You won’t decide my fate
I can do anything
No matter what you say
‘Cause in my blood, in my veins
In my heart
I know what’s right for me
To apologize for who I am
(And I refuse)
To ever let somebody say I can’t
I refuse, I refuse, I refuse
I refuse, I refuse, I refuse
(So I refuse)
To let the words you say get to me
(And I refuse)
To keep on suffering quietly
I refuse, I refuse, I refuse
I refuse, I refuse, I refuse
So I refuse
So I refuse
(Whoa, whoa)

#Lyrics Gone Too Soon-Simple Plan

 

Hey there now
Where’d you go
You left me here
So unexpected
So many people in my life have passed away. Many were at that age where its understandable. However, there were two that weren’t. One was  my cousin. She was about 30. Died in her sleep. It was way too early. Another was my husbands best friend, family to me. He died almost 2 months after he turned 21. It was devastating. I was 19. It was even harder on my husband.
You changed my life
If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be married with kids.
I hope you know
‘Cause now I’m lost
So unprotected
In the blink of an eye
I never got to say goodbye 
He had a disease. He was in the hospital all the time. A lot of the time it wasn’t serious. So when he asked us to come up there and stay with him. I didn’t think much of telling him no. That we’d see him when he got out of the hospital. But I didn’t know, that we wouldn’t even get the chance to say goodbye. I’ve kicked myself so many times for all the stupid arguments we had.
Like a shooting star
Flying across the room
So fast so far
You were gone too soon
You’re a part of me
And I’ll never be the same here without you
It’s hard when you lose someone that is so close to you. Thats family . That has made such a big impact on your life. Life goes on and it always feels bad in the beginning like you get to move on and they don’t. This was a very depressing time for us. We were 19 and 21 expecting a child and the guy that was going to be ‘uncle’ to be godfather, would never get to meet our child. It took a big toll.
You were gone too soon
You were always there
Like a shining light
On my darkest days
You were there to guide me
Oh I miss you now
I wish you could see
Just how much your memory
Will always mean to me
You hear people talk about how the ones we lose are always watching over us. I hope that’s true.
In the blink of an eye
I never got to say goodbye
Like a shooting star
Flying across the room
So fast so far
You were gone too soon
You’re a part of me
And I’ll never be the same here without you
You were gone too soon
Shine on
Shine on
On to a better place
Shine on
Shine on
We’ll never be the same
Shine on
Shine on
Like a shooting star
Flying across the room
So fast so far
You were gone too soon
You’re a part of me
And I’ll never be the same here without you
You were gone too soon
You were gone too soon
(Shine on shine on)
You were gone too soon
(Shine on shine on)
You were gone too soon
If you have never seen this video or listened to this song. Grab some tissues. Because, this song will have you thinking about that one person that you miss.