Everything is getting closer

Having anxiety can be awful. You want to do things but sometimes you just cannot gather the courage. Maybe it is is a party with friends or even a band playing at a bar.

I usually force myself to do a lot of things, especially when it comes to seeing WWE or a band live. I’ve never really been that type of person to party though. I think I maybe did the party scene for like a month or two but it wasn’t my style. Too many stupid people over drunk or high. It was great for my mom though, one less thing that she had to stress over.

However, I’m really not good at social situations. They terrify me. Which is why I usually have my camera. It’s like a mask that I get to hide behind. Whenever I don’t have a camera, I try to shrink into the corner.

Having social anxiety can make you feel like the room is closing in. That all the people are talking about you, even if they don’t know that you exist.

Having social anxiety can make you throw yourself into a panic. Asking yourself, ‘how am I going to get out of here.’ ‘What excuse can I use.’ ‘I can’t use the restroom again, I usesd that excuse last time’ ‘They’ll see right through your lies’

Social anxiety is knowing where all the exits are and the fastest routes to get to them. Having social anxiety is being ready to bolt at any given moment. Having social anxiety is quite frankly a pain in the butt.

However, having kids kind of forces you to confront your social anxiety head on. Like a deer in headlights. Luckily, my kids did not inherit my social awkward anxiety. Although my oldest is starting to show some signs of having other anxiety like breaking down when she feels she can’t get something. That happened a couple of weeks ago, there were 4 of us trying to show her how to do something all at once and she just felt like she wasn’t getting it and cried. It brok my heart to see her get so anxious. I immediately shut everyone else up and consoled her into trying again on her own terms. But other than that, she is the life of the party. She is very verbal. Funny. Just the life of the party. She loves going places, experiencing things like the park, museums, beach. So I do not want to be that kind of parent that hinders their childs growth from their own fears. So I go, I do. I experience and I’m starting to not over analyze these moments as much. I still have my moments don’t get me wrong. It’s a process and I am making progress, no matter how small.

#BreakTheStigma

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Categories: anxiety

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