Anxiety is a pain some never experience

I know I post a lot about anxiety. When you look up guides on how to start a blog…they always tell you to pick a topic you know best. For me…thats anxiety…I’ve been dealing with this demon for years. Pretty much since I was 5 but wasn’t diagnosed til i was 15/16. And I hope that my blog somehow helps someone else cope as well.

What is something I want from people when they hear that I have am anxiety disorder and occasional depression? To not judge.

Too often those with mental illness are judged as being incompetent or dangerous. Someone who cannot be trusted. And its so far from the truth. We are just like anyone else. We just have a pain that you might not see or you’ll never feel.

For one…I never think it is okay to judge someone. Ever. Its not fair to that person. Another thing is how can you judge someone for something you have never experienced for yourself. You can’t and you shouldn’t.

If you know someone who is fighting a mental illness….show compassion. Show them love. Show them support. Because at the end of the day when you’re thinking hey I’ve had a good day…we’re exhausted from fighting an invisible battle that we’re just going to have to fight again tomorrow.

So please…..don’t judge….show love.

We need to talk….anxiety issues

This is one of those things that I found on Pinterest that I was like yesss I can totally relate.

And it doesn’t have to be at work either. It can be with anyone.

Like my mom…texting and saying I got something to tell you when I get there….but not telling me what It is or what its about. And then taking an hour or more to come over. Yeah it might have been about some rumor she heard about WWE but thats not the point…its the anxiety of it all.

Seriously…those words are awful. No matter Who says then I am constantly thinking…did I do something wrong? Am I in trouble? And many more along those lines. It is awful.

Can you relate?

Anxiety and parenting

As a parent….we only want what is best for our kids. But is that causing them to have anxiety issues? I truly hope not. Unfortunately, I think it is.

Growing up with a single parent….my mom wasn’t always home. So I had my brothers taking care of me. They are truly opposites. They hated each other and would fight a lot….in front of me. I saw a lot of jealousy….and other things. While there is a genetic line of mental illness on my father’s side…I am pretty certain that a lot of things that happened as a child molded my anxiety I have today.

Being a mom….I’m overly protective. Things that happened to me as a child should never ever happen to a kid and I constantly find myself being that helicopter parent. I have cut people out of my life for simply being a bad influence….I am dead serious too. Is stopped talking to someone for months because they thought it was ok to come around me and my kids drunk or high…I didn’t talk to them again until they could prove that they could be sober.

I’ve also found myself being critical of my daughter. Honestly…I don’t mean too. I will sit there in the bathroom and cry afterwards because I feel like a bad parent.

My daughter will do something…like jump on the couch…I will say hey don’t do that or something to the extent and not even 2 minutes later…shes doing it again…which I then say didn’t I just tell you not to do that… And I end up hurting her feelings.

I am, however, never emotionally cold to my children or any child. I want them to express their emotions and hell…I will cry right along side of them.

So guys…what is your take on this WTFact…? Do you find yourself being critical of your children? What have you done to change it?

I am going to continue to try my best to change how I speak or act towards and around my daughter in the hopes that I don’t pass the anxiety along.

Sometimes its ok to feel down

Many times I have found myself apologizing for being upset. Or saying sorry for how I am feeling. But why should I? Why should you?

And the answer to that is you shouldn’t. It is ok to feel shitty. Its ok to panic. It is ok to be sad. It is ok to not feel like yourself sometimes.

I highly doubt that there is anyone that can honestly say that they feel like they’re 100% happy 100% of the time. Because thats not how human emotions work.

I have come to realize that those of us who suffer from anxiety disordee. And not just the occasional bouts of anxiousness. I mean the full blown anxiety. We tend to have stronger human emotions. I know I do.

I feel things to the extremes and often. These emotions of mine can range from extreme joy to do I really have to get out of bed? And sometimes….when the anxiety is winning the battle, my emotions can change on a whim. I truly wear my heart on my sleeves.

Do you ever feel that way? Is your heart and emotions so boldly displayed on your sleeve?

Mental illness is not seeking attention

One of the reasons I don’t usually open up about the battle I face every single day is that people tend to think I just want attention. Hey you didnt try to cut yourself or attempt suicide so youre just seeking attention…

Its not so bad…you just want attention.

Well guys…if anyone knows me…they know I absolutely hate attention. I would crawl under bleachers rather than have the attention on me.

If I reach out to you and tell you what’s going on….what my illness is like…then I believe you are there for me…I believe you won’t judge me. I believe you’ll support me.

I don’t tell you things so you will pay attention to me. I tell you because I am feeling confident in that moment to open up. When you tell me I’m just seeking attention is when I’ll crawl right back into my shell and let you pretend I am always fine… But if that happens….I’ll never open up to that person about anything.

Have you ever had someone tell you that your seeking attention? When in reality you just want someone to talk to. To understand…

Please know…that I will never tell you that…I will always understand. I will always be someone you can confide in.

Chili pie

Its starting to get a little colder here…so why not make the cold weather comfort food…chili.

Well its a little twist on it. I made it into a pie.

What you’ll need:

1 lb ground beef

2 cans pinto beans

1 can kidney beans

1 can diced tomatoes

1 small onion diced

2 boxes corn bread

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F

Brown the ground beef and onion…drain

While the meat is cooking mix one box of corn bread according to directions. Spread on the bottom of a baking dish

Once the meat is done…add the cans. Let simmer. You’ll also want to add seasonings. I added salt pepper and cayenne.

Once that is done pour on top of the corn bread.

Mix the other box of corn bread according to directions. Pour on top of chili.

Bake until corn bread is golden brown and enjoy 🙂

#MentalHealth …. things I wish people knew

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There is such a stigma around mental illness. You can barely even talk about it with anyone. Or the mood kind of changes to the point that most people feel uncomfortable. And why? I mean its happens. Sometimes it is the chemistry of our brains that is different that causes these issues and other times it just severe traumatic events…. For me… I think its both. I’ve always been a little ‘scared’ or cautious… even as a 3 year old who was scared to lose their mom. So I found this list of some things I wish people knew about mental illness.

1.) I am not LAZY

This is like a big pet peeve of mine. I get so annoyed when people dismiss my depression or anxiety as being lazy. For one, when I am depressed… I think what is the point? Why bother getting up? Nothing I do today is going to go right. Like constantly dropping something… it’s just one of those days. (I sometimes feel like telling you guys about my depression will make people think I am a bad mom… I swear I’m not… my girls are the most loved, well taken care of little girls I have ever seen… a day does not go by that I don’t hug them and tell them how much I love them.) Another thing is after an anxiety attack… I feel so drained that all I want to do is lay down. I am thankful that I have such wonderful people in my life that I can call on when I need to recharge. I also read somewhere that having an anxiety attack is as taxing on the human body as running a marathon.

2.) I’m not always confident.

Actually… to tell you the truth.. I am hardly ever confident. I am constantly feeling like someone is judging me.  Maybe because they are… .they usually are. Having a mental illness can make you feel like everyone is watching you even when you’re in a massive crowd.

3.) Sometimes I’m more stable but I’m not cured

Just because some days I seem ok… I seem happy… I seem confident.. or I seem like just another person doesn’t mean that I am somehow cured. I am not.. None of us are…really.. I mean I wish there was some magical cure for a mental illness but theres not. I wish people would know that having a mental illness is like being on a roller coaster constantly. sometimes we’re level and we’re having fun and then we hit the double loopty loop and you’re freaking out.

4.) I have bad days…even with meds

So… I am currently not medicated… and that comes from an insurance problem. It is a long story. But even for that little bit of time that I was medicated.. I still had my bad days. Just because someone with a mental illness is medicated doesn’t mean they’re not going to have a bad day.

5.) It hurts when you’re ashamed of my diagnosis

It does. I mean I feel like you’re ashamed of me for having issues. Like somehow I am wrong or not worthy of love because I have these problems

6.) Don’t say ‘it could be worse’

Please don’t…. usually this will only make my anxiety higher and I start to think of how it really might be worse… you’re putting ideas in my head…. Plus.. while this might not be real to you… it is very real to me..

7.) I know who my support team is and I love you

I have a wonderful husband and mom who understand that things can be difficult for me at times… I might end up organizing the house a hundred times in one day because it soothes my anxiety… and then those days that I just need to recharge. my mom will come help with the girls so I can take a rest…. I once slept for 14 hours because I didn’t take the time to recharge. If you have any issues… please have a support team. It is important.

 

So guys…. what are some of the things you wish people knew about mental illness….