Glasses for your brain

One of the biggest stigmas with mental illness is that people usually get medicated for it. And that is a whole other thing. Medication. I mean there are idiots out there who abuse the medication. Which in turn makes it harder for the people who really need it to get it on time. For instance…if a disable person needs a pain medication. They can only get it every 30 days. And they have to call the doctors office every time to get the prescription filled because there are no refills on it. The doctor has to approve it. Which can be hindering if you forget that you need to call it in and then you’re waiting on it to be filled.

So I understand why a lot of people don’t want to get on medication. I mean not only does society look at you like you’re a druggie but the doctors can cause a lot of it as well. They provide conflicting information between what’s on the bottle and what they verbally tell you and they could put you on the wrong prescription.

One reason in my con list for medication is that I have a weird tolerence. Seriously. Downers like nerve pills can make me hyper. Bouncing off the wall hyper. So when I get medication, it takes a lot of time and tries to find the right medication that will work for my mental health. There was one prescription that made me severely depressed with bad thoughts (years and years ago) and then there was one prescription that if I didn’t take it directly with food… I would get a high feeling followed by a really bad nauseating feeling.

However, there is no shame in getting medication. Ever. When your vision is blurry….you get glasses. When your blood pressure gets out of whack…you get blood pressure medication. When you are a get insulin to manage your sugar levels. Medication for your mental health is just as important and medication for any other health.

So…if you think you may need mental glasses. Please see a doctor. They can help you find what is right for you. And don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t be taking care of your mental and emotional health. Because you should.


Made up illness

I keep finding myself going back to this stigma that surround mental health. Although I only severely deal with chronic anxiety disorder and maybe some bouts of depressions (okay I might be making that sound nicer than it is…) There is still such a black cloud over anyone who has any issues. I mean a black cloud…not grey not white not just a tinge of black. I mean a full on black cloud…run for cover… mother natures fixing to let loose. tornado warning.. Hurricane season…earthquakes are coming…type of black cloud.

I mean haven’t you guys ever heard anyone say anything negative when they find out you have something wrong with you… not that there is anything wrong with you. this is our normal. Just because it’s not theirs doesn’t give them any right to judge who you are or what you are capable of. And who is to say that they’re normal? What is normal? I mean we weren’t all created exactly the same way. We were processed through some silicone mold where we all have the exact same chemistry in our brains.

They are not perfect. No one is.

I do not care how pretty you are or how rich you are. You are not perfect. You do not smell like a bed of roses. There are some type of skeletons in your closet. I completely understand if they don’t want to let them out. Okay. That is their business. But do not come at me with some type of judgemental crap because I let others know that my skeletons are scary. My skeletons are dangerous. And my skeletons haunt me on a daily basis.

Also….don’t tell me that my skeletons are not real. That I can just get over it. It is not possible. Seriously. I cannot just think away the crap I have been through. I cannot just pray away the abuse. The pain. The scars. The journey I have been through just to be able to tell someone about it.

This is why I really hate this stigma. Like HELLO…you are not perfect. Just because you have some type of amazingly built fortress surrounding your emotional being and you can somehow pretend you’re ‘normal’ doesn’t mean you get to tell someone else who is suffering a real battle that you will never see on a daily basis. Hell an hourly basis or even just moment to moment basis that it is a fake disease. That it is not real. That we made this up. That we want attention. If you ever dealt with anxiety…you would know that it is scarier than anything else. It makes you literally afraid of everything. Lumps the good and the bad together and just calls it all bad. It is time we break the stigma. And I will continue to write. I will continue to rant. I will continue to put my journey on here for everyone to see. I will be a safe place for others to vent. I will do everything that I can to break the stigma, because it is time that my generation is the last geneartion to feel like there is something wrong with them for having skeletons. For having demons. For fighting tooth and nail with their mind every single day.


Amazingly brave

So having a mental illness is no joke. Honestly…It’s not. And it does kind of make me upset that people out there honestly believe that we are a problem. That we are the part of society that needs to be locked away. Uhm. No we’re not. And I think it is this type of stigma clouding society that makes many people too afraid to even admit that they have a problem. This turns into people not seeking help which in turn can lead to some bad outcomes.

We need to take charge of our health. Seriously guys. Stop putting yourself in situations where you do not think that you can handle it or think that it will cause a problem with your health. I, too, am guilty of being a ‘yes guy’ That person that is way too afraid to say no. Too afraid of confrontations. So instead I just say yes and try my hardest to get it done no matter the detrimental cost to my mental health….maybe that’s why I am as bad off as I am right now..

So heres a story. It actually just happened not too long ago. So I stay at home with my kids. I had a car accident not too long ago, it injured my back. I currently am not insured because well health insurance is too darn expensive especially on one income but the government says we make wayy too much for them to pay for it. So I found this work from home job thinking hey, maybe I can do this. Maybe this will allow me to supplement our income so I can get health insurance. I can go to the doctors. I can get medicated. Things will start to look up…Right?


oh so very wrong.

So I get thru the training video and I start making the phone calls. Its just telemarketing. I’ve done customer service before. But no. This is not like my call center job. This is calling out to people. This is having someone possibly angry at me or constantly being hung up on. Now I get a few that hang up. And my anxiety starts going through the roof. I think to myself….am I really going to be able to do this for a long period of time. And my anxiety just keeps going higher and higher. I start shaking. I have a fitbit, So I look at my heart rate and its in the 100’s and now…I’m starting to cry. This literally is scaring the shit out of me. I don’t want to do this anymore. I know I have nothing to be terrified of. But this is shaking me to my core. And its not that I don’t want to work. I just don’t think cold calling is going to be the job for me.

So I quit.

Yeah…that doesn’t feel very good… all

But, like I tried to explain to them when I quit… I have to take care of my mental health.

I thought I could handle it but I seen that this was going to do more damage than good in the long run.. I had to choose me.

And that is ok!

Don’t let anyone ever tell you that choosing your health, even if its not the physical kind, is not ok. Because it is. Do you know what can happen if you let your mental health deteriate over time? It can affect your physical health.

So although I had a massive fail. Someone in a group that I am in told me that I also had a massive win…


Well because I seen what this could do to my mental state and I made a change. I fixed it. Although that meant quiting.

I woke up this morning… already fighting my own mind after only 3 and a half hours of sleep and took back at least a little bit of charge. I said no. I did not say yes due to anxiety. I quit. I said I need to focus on me and this job could hurt me.

Thank you guys for listening to my little rant.

Can’t recover

Again… the stigmas that surround things such as depression and anxiety (just to name a few) are so heavy. Seriously. These are things that we hear from people every single day. Why are you so anxious. Just stay calm. Don’t think about it.

If I could not think for a moment. I would be happy. My brain doesn’t have an off switch and I am not even sure why. Like why can I not think about nothing. Why is my brain always running like it has nothing but coffee for 7 straight days. You think I enjoy thinking about every little thing? Is that car going to slow down? Did I remember to turn the oven off? Lets turn the car around to check. It is difficult to have a brain that is always running.

So now please tell me how I can just stay calm? I have tried meditating. I have tried yoga. I have tried everything I can possibly think of without being medicated to relax, to be calm, to not think as much. And guess what… it doesn’t work.

Like now for instance. I thought we were going to get this thing and we were going to buy a house and everything was going to start looking up…. but theres a catch. We might not be able to get what we wanted exactly. Now I don’t want a home where I have to fix a lot of things….I would end up in the emergency room. I am not handy…at all….and neither is my husband.

So when I get the call today that says hey this house that you love. you won’t be able to get unless you can provide that you have more income than what you’re showing…#%@%!!! That’s what I get for getting my hopes up right. But then there’s that voice in my head that says….see I told you… Too good to be true… Knew it would all fall apart….then I just want to cry and get depressed because well that’s what happens. I will pull myself out of it and still be careful about getting overly excited. Its when I get overly excited that nothing ever goes my way…

You see having anxiety and depression together is hell. You’re scared all the time or second guessing everything and when the slightest thing goes awry…its all nothing. It is hell.

So please stop telling people that they can get over whatever it is that they’re going thru. Truth is…you have no earthly idea what they are dealing with and have absolutely no right to judge them or dictate on how they are living. It is not your illness so leave it alone. Leave them be. Leave your nasty little comments at the door. I mean if you’re going to be a supporter that is perfectly fine. We love having people around us who understand and support us. Encourages us. But when you encourage one day and nit pick the next…you’re not helping…you’re hurting…


Low carb-ish egg roll

I don’t know about you but I am not a fan of the egg roll wrapper…unless I’m making cream cheese wontons….but I do enjoy the insides…sometimes…so here is this low carb kinda (no wrap) egg roll

What youll need

1lb ground beef

Soy sauce




Cole slaw mix

Brown your ground beef….

While this is cooking mix the garlic ginger and soy sauce.

Drain the beef

Add the slaw…mix slaw and beef together.

Once this is starting to really cook thru add the sauce…

Allow to simmer until the slaw is wiltering and easy to chew…

Enjoy…I added some yum yum sauce to mine and I’m in heaven.

The Road by Eliot B

It is not often that you find underground musical artists not on youtube. That is where I usually go to find my music. And I am kind of behind on new music. Like I just found out about BlackBear and I am totally obsessed with Do Re Mi…If you haven’t listened to it…Then you really should.

Now I am really picky when it comes to music. I mean really nit picky. Like overly picky.  And Eliot…if you’re reading this. I am sorry if I hurt your feelings at all. It is not my intentions to hurt anyone’s feelings, I am just that honest. I do hope you can take any of my criticisms for what they’re worth and move forward…. I never want to hinder someones dreams.


Now lets begin….

The song is only 2 minutes long. Which is a nice length for a starter. A lot of songs are 2  and a half mins to 3 mins.

I think you have a wonderful voice. My only thing is that you can hear the echo of maybe using a home system to record it.  I would work on the opening, the first two lines. The control of your vocals could use a little tweaking. you do great and then it sounds like you’re struggling.

The guitar sounds fabulous. I really enjoy an acoustic song. You have a young Billie Joe Armstrong thing going for you. The only thing that I can suggest is working on your vocal control. and maybe a different system so that there isn’t any echos.


Thank you for allowing me to review your song. For anyone else who wants to give it a listen the link is