Over analyze

 

I overanalyze situations because I am afraid that I will not be prepared for them.

I am the type of mother who packs half a pack of diapers before sending my youngest daughter anywhere. I am the type of person who packs six sets of clothes for a three day trip. I am the type of mother who packs drinks and snacks for everyday errands.

I over plan everything because I worry that if I don’t, I won’t be prepared.

I cook dinner for an army even though I only feed four or five people on any given night, myself included. Whatever we don’t eat for dinner or lunch I send to my brother. I cook for my mother in law. When I go grocery shopping I buy extra to make sure that there will always be enough.

Growing up, we didn’t always have a lot of food, So I stock pile on foods that don’t expire so that my kids will never have to go thru that. I tell my husband that we have less in our account than what we really do so that if something happens like a tire blowing, we have that little to fall back on.

I literally plan for everything. I plan the mornings out so that I know that we get the kids to school on time. I usually have my homework and tests done two days early in case there is a storm and I have no lights to use the internet to turn it in.

There are so many what if’s that could happen and I try to plan for every single one of them. Does this cause a lot of stress? Heck yeah, especially when there are the moments when things go wrong. I want to be ready for every single situation that I can possibly control.

Now when there are those times that I can’t control things. I feel at a loss. For instance, my father recently passed. Now although it wasn’t as emotional as many others who have lost their parents, I barely knew my father although I tried. I still have a lot of unanswered questions that unfortunately I will never know. My father passed and it threw everything into a loop. I had to get an extension on my school work so that I could drive almost 4 hours to another state to help my mom and brother collect his remains and possesions. I had to deal with the emotions of knowing that I will never get those answers. We then went back down to do some research in hopes that we could finally get some answers to what he had and what happened. Unfortuantely, we got no answers. Then it was Thanksgiving week and that came with a new wrench, my kid was out of school for 3 days and thanksgiving dinner plans cooking cleaning running to the store multiple times because we kept forgetting things. It has been a very emotional and anxious week.

Thank you all for listening.

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Categories: anxiety

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