I smile

 

I know there are a lot of people who are good at putting on a show. I know I am. I can be so very anxious in a group but look like I am perfectly fine. I smile. But what’s underneath is totally different.

See, in awkward situations, I am very uncomfortable. I wanna walk away..no scratch that. I want to run. I want to hide. I start biting my lip. I start organizing things. Like in the store. I turn the prodcts so that the label is facing forward.

I am willing to try anything, most the time. Except roller coasters. I cannot do them. Even on anxiety medication I do not feel that they are safe and freak out. The last one I went on.. I had gone on it a million times as a kid. but for some reason when I went this last time. I freaked out. When we got off… I cried. in the middle of a big crowd. bawled my eyes out. So we walked around the amusement park until my brother was ready to go home. Do I feel bad that I was a party pooper? Extremely. Especially since my brother did this for my birthday and I was just a wuss.

I go to concerts. The crowds scare the crap out of me. I go to wrestling events. I am terrified of the people. I find my seat and let my husband help by going thru the crowd to buy the merchandise. Even though I usually don’t get merchandise I mean have you seen the prices there? But he doesn’t mind. Because all he has to do is look for me instead of try and count rows and seats. He just looks for me and ta-da he found his way back to his seat.

Anyone else have any situations where they smile even though their inner self is screaming?

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Categories: anxiety

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