Amazingly brave

So having a mental illness is no joke. Honestly…It’s not. And it does kind of make me upset that people out there honestly believe that we are a problem. That we are the part of society that needs to be locked away. Uhm. No we’re not. And I think it is this type of stigma clouding society that makes many people too afraid to even admit that they have a problem. This turns into people not seeking help which in turn can lead to some bad outcomes.

We need to take charge of our health. Seriously guys. Stop putting yourself in situations where you do not think that you can handle it or think that it will cause a problem with your health. I, too, am guilty of being a ‘yes guy’ That person that is way too afraid to say no. Too afraid of confrontations. So instead I just say yes and try my hardest to get it done no matter the detrimental cost to my mental health….maybe that’s why I am as bad off as I am right now..

So heres a story. It actually just happened not too long ago. So I stay at home with my kids. I had a car accident not too long ago, it injured my back. I currently am not insured because well health insurance is too darn expensive especially on one income but the government says we make wayy too much for them to pay for it. So I found this work from home job thinking hey, maybe I can do this. Maybe this will allow me to supplement our income so I can get health insurance. I can go to the doctors. I can get medicated. Things will start to look up…Right?

Wrong.

oh so very wrong.

So I get thru the training video and I start making the phone calls. Its just telemarketing. I’ve done customer service before. But no. This is not like my call center job. This is calling out to people. This is having someone possibly angry at me or constantly being hung up on. Now I get a few that hang up. And my anxiety starts going through the roof. I think to myself….am I really going to be able to do this for a long period of time. And my anxiety just keeps going higher and higher. I start shaking. I have a fitbit, So I look at my heart rate and its in the 100’s and now…I’m starting to cry. This literally is scaring the shit out of me. I don’t want to do this anymore. I know I have nothing to be terrified of. But this is shaking me to my core. And its not that I don’t want to work. I just don’t think cold calling is going to be the job for me.

So I quit.

Yeah…that doesn’t feel very good…..at all

But, like I tried to explain to them when I quit… I have to take care of my mental health.

I thought I could handle it but I seen that this was going to do more damage than good in the long run.. I had to choose me.

And that is ok!

Don’t let anyone ever tell you that choosing your health, even if its not the physical kind, is not ok. Because it is. Do you know what can happen if you let your mental health deteriate over time? It can affect your physical health.

So although I had a massive fail. Someone in a group that I am in told me that I also had a massive win…

Why?

Well because I seen what this could do to my mental state and I made a change. I fixed it. Although that meant quiting.

I woke up this morning… already fighting my own mind after only 3 and a half hours of sleep and took back at least a little bit of charge. I said no. I did not say yes due to anxiety. I quit. I said I need to focus on me and this job could hurt me.

Thank you guys for listening to my little rant.

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Categories: anxiety

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