Lyric time… #Heavy

So here is another song. Of course by Linkin Park. Well this song has 2 meanings for me… The first one is that when I found this music video back at the end of May beginning of April, it came at just the right time as a childhood friend of mine had died. He was actually my brothers friend and my first crush… He was battling addiction and had been for at least 6 years. So the video hit home and I bawled like a little baby. It was awful. The second reason I relate to this song is because of my anxiety disorder. Having anxiety is like having two people in your head. One that wants to do things and one that thinks everything is scary and unsafe.

So for my little commentary for this song.. I will talk about my battle with anxiety. Although the video does make me think about my friends battle and how it hurt when I found out he was no longer with us…I cannot comment about his addiction because it wasn’t my story to tell. (I miss you my friend…)

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I don’t like my mind right now
Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary

This is a constant struggle. Every day. There is some kind of problem. Some kind of new stress weighing me down.
Wish that I could slow things down

I wish I could slow my mind down so that maybe I could see that things aren’t so bad
I wanna let go but there’s comfort in the panic
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything’s about me

Unfortunately, I think that people are talking about me. It is part of my anxiety. The part that says I’m not good enough.
Yeah, I drive myself crazy
‘Cause I can’t escape the gravity

I’m holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry

Holding on to everything that’s ever been said. That’s ever happened.
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free

It would be nice to be free but how can I let go? I can’t let go.
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?

You say that I’m paranoid

Well I am kind of paranoid.. a lot.
But I’m pretty sure the world is out to get me

Well…everything is dangerous. my head says so
It’s not like I make the choice
To let my mind stay so fucking messy

I don’t choose to always think this way. Hell, I wish I could be like others who have time where they don’t think and where they don’t remember their dreams or don’t dream at all. You ask my husband at any given time what he’s thinking about…he’ll say nothing… I can’t do it. I am always thinking.
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning ’round me just the same
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning ’round me just the same

I’m holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?

I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning ’round me just the same
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning ’round me just the same
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything’s about me

Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Why is everything so heavy?
Why is everything so heavy?

 

There are two types of people. The ones who listen to the music… and that’s all they hear… and the ones who feel the lyrics. I am the type of person who feels the lyrics. A song can change my mood in a heartbeat.

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Categories: anxiety

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