Is on time too late
Battling anxiety is no easy task. In fact, I am anxious everyday. I am constantly trying to put my life into a schedule. We get up at a certain time, leave the house at a certain time, pick my daughter up from school on a specific time. We eat dinner by a specific time, baths are done by a specific time. So what happens when something goes wrong and my little schedule is thrown off? Anxiety. That’s what.
I have been one of those people who believe that being on time is the same as being late. I arrive to pick my daughter up from school early, I am usually one of the first four people there. Yes, I sit outside of the school for over an hour. Yes I know that sounds silly. But what if they needed to evacuate early? I would be there to sign her out and head on home. Also, it allows me to complete some of my school work in peace. I have a one year old who is attracted to my laptop. She will wake up from a dead sleep just to touch it if I have it open. Luckily a kid learning tablet is currently distracting her. Before I started being a stay at home mom I would always arrive 20 to 30 minutes early to work. Not that I would start work that early to try to get more hours. Instead I would sit there and know that traffic wouldn’t cause me to be late.
What does being late have to do with anxiety? Well, having anxiety makes a lot of things difficult for me. If I am late I feel that I would get fired. Or yelled at. I arrive to school early so that my daughter will not feel like she’s being forgotten. I arrive to school early so we can make it home before the buses start down our road stopping every 20 feet. I tend to feel that people don’t like me. Or that maybe they’re talking behind my back about me. It is a constant burden. And for that, I rarely have friends. Not any that don’t understand the difficulties of anxiety.
Now some times when I am anxious I can calm it down by moving. Walking back and forth, pacing. Or maybe organizing something. My one year old thinks it funny to take our movies off the shelves and reorganize them in un-alphabetical order. That drives me insane. Organizing things is a way to calm my anxious mind and my racing heart.
What do you do to calm your fears? Do you have any special quirks that help you in your battle with anxiety? Remember, you are not alone. I would love to hear what helps you.